Sept 26, 2008

[jack]

i'd want to be the living personification of the old songfight logo.

i'd dress in a red and white suit (a la jack white) and carry a beater old acoustic guitar with which to beat others with.

the angry rock and roller. that's me.

[Niveous]

The guitar shot, a wrestling classic. Sometimes it's called The El-Kabong, sometimes it's the Acoustic Equalizer. But anytime it happens, the fans "pop".

If Jeff Jarrett can base his career around it (if you look on YouTube, you can find videos of his best guitar hits), why not Jack "Rock of Anger" Shite?

[Niveous]

This just screams out tag team match- Spud the Pirate and the Conscientious Objector vs. Guitarzan & Jack "Rock of Anger" Shite.

From the get-go, there would be some trouble as TCO refuses to take part in the match, leaving Spud to battle the two rockers on his own. It looks grim for Spud until Shite tries to hit Spud over the head with Guitarzan's guitar. Guitarzan & Shite begin to argue. Spud takes the opportunity, nails Shite with his devastating clothesline, the "Skyline". And then finishes off Guitarzan with the "Indie" Rock Bottom for the win. And TCO takes all the credit.

[roymond]

i'd want to be the living personification of the old songfight logo.

i'd dress in a red and white suit (a la jack white) and carry a beater old acoustic guitar with which to beat others with.

the angry rock and roller. that's me.

I'll be the trumpet player. And make only one appearance. The Songfight Mulkey.

[rone rivendale]

QotD: Well as someone who has been a big wrestling fan for 23 years I've actually put thought into this very question.

My character would be a goth. I would quietly walk down to the ring and slump into the corner until the bell rang to start the match. Then I'd jump up and start doing alot of high flying and other exciting types of moves. After the win, I'd go back to slumping in the corner. All my promos would be dark and mysterious. My finisher would be a 720 Shooting Star Press (which is impossible unless you are alot higher than what the top rope would give you).

[drë]

i think i was into wrestling from the ages of 12-13, mostly cause my best friend was a huge Hulk Hogan fan.

my alter ego wrestler character would be very spy like, almost like a "shadow". I'll disguise myself as others, or things, then BAAAMMMM!!!! surprise my opponents with a chair in the back, and then hide again before they know what hit them!
then as my opponent lays unconscious on the floor, i'll leave a yellow sticky note on top of their forehead that reads
"The Shadow was here at midnight".

[Caravan Ray]

Two of the greatest jobbers ever were brothers who wrestled in the old NWA days, before it became WCW - Randy and Bill Mulkey. I mean, they were just the scrawniest, pastiest, most pathetic looking wrestlers you will ever see, and they just got the living shit kicked out of them week after week. However, during one telecast in 1987 - which aired on the same day Wrestlemania III took place - they let the Mulkeys win a match, and it was bedlam. Truly one of my favorite wrestling moments ever.

Heh!

Don't remember those guys - but there was I similar bloke I recall from a bit earlier - around the early to mid 80s. Can't remember his name - I think it was "Rusty" something. He was hilarious. This pale, pudgy bloke with ginger hair who who would get kicked from arsehole to breakfast by some flash dude in a cape or a mask - but he always looked so serious about it, like he had been badly done by and with just a little bit of luck he would have actually won it

[Albatross]

Don't remember those guys - but there was I similar bloke I recall from a bit earlier - around the early to mid 80s. Can't remember his name - I think it was "Rusty" something. He was hilarious. This pale, pudgy bloke with ginger hair who who would get kicked from arsehole to breakfast by some flash dude in a cape or a mask - but he always looked so serious about it, like he had been badly done by and with just a little bit of luck he would have actually won it

Perhaps it was this guy?

I'll be the trumpet player. And make only one appearance. The Songfight Mulkey.

If you were truly the Songfight Mulkey, You wouldn't just make one appearance. You'd get your clock cleaned by that guitar player every week.

[Caravan Ray]

If you were a professional wrestler, what would your character be?

Many people when they see pro-wrestling, the first thought is muscleheads colliding in spandex. But part of the wrestling buisness is creating a character that will appeal to an audience, whether it be in a negative or positive way.

Would you be a good guy or bad guy?

What kind of character would you have? Would be an extension of yourself? (Wrestler CM Punk has made a career out of his straight edge lifestyle). Would you play a stereotype? (Hulk Hogan plays the super American). Would you go for the outlandish (Like the Undertaker, the deadman)?

Good guy. I think I would be an extension of my professional life - ie. the whole environmental protection gig.

Don't know about a name - something like "The Ecowarrior" or "The Environator" or something. I wouldn't have a specific costume - I would wear the used trunks of other wrestlers to promote recycling. My fans would dress like trees, and I would hug them before a match. I would usually be photographed surrounded by happy, woodland creatures.

My signature moves would be the "Al Gore" - where I use my secret weapon, the "Kyoto Protocol" (a blunt object surrepticiously secreted in my trunks) and beat the opponent to a bloody pulp with it. Then, as the final coup de grace, I do the "Anthropogenic Emission" - where I sit on the opponents face and fart.

[Caravan Ray]

Perhaps it was this guy?

Yep - that's the dude!

Said in WWF: "I'm just THIS close, to that world's heavyweight championship belt"
Ha!

Thanks so much for that - that would have obsessed me all day trying to think of that blokes name.

[fluffy]

Don't know about a name - something like "The Ecowarrior" or "The Environator" or something. I wouldn't have a specific costume - I would wear the used trunks of other wrestlers to promote recycling. My fans would dress like trees, and I would hug them before a match. I would usually be photographed surrounded by happy, woodland creatures.

My signature moves would be the "Al Gore" - where I use my secret weapon, the "Kyoto Protocol" (a blunt object surrepticiously secreted in my trunks) and beat the opponent to a bloody pulp with it. Then, as the final coup de grace, I do the "Anthropogenic Emission" - where I sit on the opponents face and fart.

Caravan Ray, I love you.

[Niveous]

The Ecowarrior is brilliant. And I could see a feud between him and the Shadow over the Songfight World Title. Ecowarrior would be hugging his tree fans (love the tree fans- merchandise!) and then Shadow comes out from behind them and blam! Ecowarrior would call the attack an act of eco-terrorism until he learns it was really the Shadow's doing. He then challenges him to a match.

"Shadow, the inconvenient truth is I'm gonna kick your ass!"

[Billy's Little Trip]

I'd start watching wrestling if there were wrestlers like Ecowarrior.

[Caravan Ray]

"Shadow, the inconvenient truth is I'm gonna kick your ass!"

I tread the world softly. I take only photographs. And I leave only footprints...ON YOUR FACE SHADOW!!!

[drë]

hey am kind of liking this whole wrestling bullshit.

[Billy's Little Trip]

You know John, you could become Ecowarrior here for a while and write every song from the Ecowarriors point of view. IE: his tree fans, his woodland creatures, his goals in this world, which include pile driving the eco-terrorists, etc.

[Caravan Ray]

Now seems the right time to post this

[HeuristicsInc]

this thread has resulted in much hilarity. wrestling isn't usually this funny, is it? they always look so serious on tv.
-bill

[Niveous]

Wrestling can often be very funny. They often play it serious but there are many occasions where it's hilarious. Not every wrestling federation is as outlandish as this thread. Some are, like Chikara Pro. Others like the WWE mix in the humor (with guys like Santino Marella, Ron Simmons, Miz and Morrison).

[Niveous]

10 things in Pro-wrestling as surreal as the stuff you find in this thread:

1. Curry Man (TNA, Japan)
"He's hot. He's spicy. He tastes great!" He also wrestles with a plate of curry adhered to the top of his head.

2. Kinya Oyanagei (Dragon Gate)
He's learned how to wrestle from a book which he brings to the ring and often consults during the match. Sometimes he falls asleep to the ring because he spent the night studying the book.

3. The Boogeyman (WWE)
He crawls to the ring. He wears a big ol' clock like Flavor Flav. He's missing teeth. He pulls real worms from his pocket and eats them.

4. Danshoku Dino (DDT)
There's gay. There's really gay. Then there's Danshoku Dino. He kisses male opponents and they throw up odd foam. He farts over opponents faces. His finisher is a piledriver where he places the victim's head into his underwear.

5. The Rock & Rave Infection (TNA)
They are rock stars, who come to the ring with Guitar Hero controllers. Lance Rock greets the audience with "Hello (enter name of city here)" despite the fact that 90% of TNA shows happen in Orlando.

6. Finlay & Hornswoggle (WWE)
Finlay is a tough as nails Irishman. His son Hornswoggle is a leprechaun who lives underneath the ring, shoots people with water guns, and has painted a hole in the wall and run through it.

7. Ron Simmons (WWE)
That girl you like slapped you? You just had your head shaved? You were just stupid enough to chase the damn leprechaun through the hole he painted on the wall? Anytime you do something stupid, Ron will be there to look at you like you're an idiot and then say "Damn!".

8. The Super Smash Brothers (Chikara)
Once I saw Player Dos kick an opponent in the head and the arena went dark. The opponent then stood around dazed. An announcer called out "Finish Him!" And Player Uno finished the opponent off with a move called The Dig Dug Driver-- FATALITY!

9. Ultimo Breakfast (Chikara)
The most important meal-related warrior of the day.

10. The whole Hustle promotion
In Japan, they have a lot of fun with wrestling. Hustle includes a sumo-wrestling baby, an evil dictator, an evil volleyball player, a woman who gives birth to eggs, a guy named Razor Ramon HG (Hard Gay), several Power Ranger knock offs, and a guy named RG (Real Gay).

There are tons of others I could list. Moral of this story: wrestling should not be taken seriously.