Leaf wrote: see, In a short while, you might be doing that from some office where you are the CEO...or HR manager, or the director of sales... of course, in your spare time from being a superstar nee songfight.
Oh you sound so old ..... can you be my dad, too, Leaf?
having met leaf a couple months back, he neither looks nor acts his age. while i'm sure he's a fine dad, he's never lost sight of the fact that he's a big kid at heart.
In order of preference (I'll put my own at the end because it's hard to rank with the others; I'm too biased):
Caravan Ray: Very sweet use of space. Gentle and humble. The background vocals are perfect and make this a haunting piece. I can't argue with your vocal choices; you sound very sad, but in control; the "climax" around 2:18 could use a little more venom. I want the solo guitar counter melody to be a bit more adventurous (increase it's range, vary the note durations more; it's very crotchet/quaver-y).
Deshead: The percussion is stellar. The length is satisfyingly short. Not much here by way of song, but a beautiful mood piece. I really like the melody starting at :38 (and 1:19), but it's obvious by 1:00 that you're not going to go anywhere with this.
Johnny In The Corner: Shape that ending more; add an intro that foreshadows it, at least, and make it part of a bridge or even a chorus. It's my favorite part of the song! In general, the couplet lyrics are very square and the music does a little to bend the right angles ("menu that's been written in French" is notably catchy). I'd work the melody a bit more to keep it away from the bass movement. Or, I'd work on a bass line with some more melodic movement. The bass/vocal parallel movement sounds too facile and dull. I can't decide whether I like the words or not; the theme is fine, but the specifics are awkward at times ("simply doomed, I fear" at :18 is very forced, "out for me, short words" at :58 as well). More reason to work that melody so those moments don't sound so clipped, shoved into a square box.
Pipe Fist: I want to listen to the first :42 seconds of this over and over, which you seem to understand, since you end with those sounds alone (it kind of cuts off, though, no?). The portamento chirping is lovely and rich. But the acoustic strums and vocal tracks are somehow unwelcome; they sound out of synch both temporally and aesthetically with the percussion and synth groove at the start. One of them has to go, and sadly, I prefer the synth and acoustic arppegios. It may be the mix, but I can't get over the loss of space and movement from the openning. The vocals are hard to hear, but they sound pleasant enough. The words "smell," "offend," and "obscene" are oddly salient, which doesn't help me enjoy this. Overall, it's sloppy and weak. But you've got some very shiny moments in there worth salvaging.
WreckdoM: I despise the "meta-song" theme of this; writing about writing is a cheap way to pull your audience in. But once this gets rolling (at about 1:00), it's mesmerizing. I'm reminded of Half Japanese (their "Heaven Sent" album in particular) where the repetition and stream of consciousness becomes the point of the song; like a Steve Reich composition without the technical discipline. Or maybe I'm missing the point, and you're just trying to break a bunch of musical laws. But this has a strong arch form, and a phasing that sounds well-planned. Your process is too apparant here, but some folks love that, I guess.
Charcoal: I like the spirit of this, but you sound muted somehow, as if embarrased. You need to actually shout. As is, you sound like someone is making you do this, and it ruins the fun Monty Python mood. Don't be afraid to commit. I have learned from decades of experience that the "cooler" you think you're being, the lamer you sound. Nothing great comes from toning it down. Certainly, you can overdo something into awkwardness, but the line is much farther than you'd think, and even there is ambiguity (later Kate Bush is cringe-inducingly emotive, but you can't deny the impact). Definitely much farther than where you are here. You sound great; don't be afraid of the recording device. In general, the instrumentation is appealling, if a little flat. The form is a bit square; you could use a B-section.
Red Sky Hawk: Great groove, and excellent sounds. Polished and smooth. I love the piano; very well-played, and gracefully phrased. The guitar at 2:20 and synth at 3:00 take me back about 18 years, which I always appreciate. But for all the technical prowess and formal grace, there's little passion in here. I'm only compelled to hear this again to appreciate the piano work again. Overall it leaves me cold. I'd pick an emotion or mood (joyful dancing, soulful crooning, sad lover, etc.) and turn it way up. Right now, it sounds a little like what happens when you press the demo button on a fancy sample-synth at the mall. Not a real song.
And my own:
Hostess Mostess: I still have the sense that I'm ripping something off here. Probably just because it's a pretty solid "it's been done" song. Something between Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" and I don't know what. But something standard. The bridge is practically unwritten; I just submitted what I had (sans some horribly out-of-tune backing vocals). I'm most proud of the ending. All synth sounds are from Fruity Loops default patches tweaked a little here and there. The swirly stuff is one sample I made in Fruity Loops stretched, reversed, stretched more, reversed again, etc. etc. in Audition.
"We don’t write songs about our own largely dull lives. We mostly rely on the time-tested gimmick of making shit up."
-John Linnell
deshead wrote:I hadn't heard of Jane Birken until you mentioned her. Wow, her voice is hardly there at all, eh?
Thanks for looking into it. Jane Birkin is very famous in France for these reasons: Her first songs where written by Serge Gainsbourg, her husband at the time. She was the only pop female singer with a British accent. She was hilarious in radio shows because of the culture gap. Her singing is very faint as you noticed, but her speech sounds like that of the on-line French teacher. For what it's worth...
deshead wrote:I hadn't heard of Jane Birken until you mentioned her. Wow, her voice is hardly there at all, eh?
Thanks for looking into it. Jane Birkin is very famous in France . Her singing is very faint as you noticed, but her speech sounds like that of the on-line French teacher. For what it's worth...
I saw her live earlier in the year, doing Serge Gainsbourg songs with North African arrangements. The album's called 'Arabesque' and it's great. She has a great voice - not a great singer, but utterly charming and disarming ... then again, anything realted to Serge is A+ in my book. I love Charlotte Gainsbourg's stuff too....
Mostess wrote:Johnny In The Corner: the theme is fine, but the specifics are awkward at times ("simply doomed, I fear" at :18 is very forced, "out for me, short words" at :58 as well).
Yeah, those phrases (and others in the song) are meant to reflect the lyric content (i.e. the awkardness of language at the moment it matters most) but I take your point.
Mostess wrote:
WreckdoM:But once this gets rolling (at about 1:00), it's mesmerizing.
Thanks for the insightful review! I think I can agree with this statement without being egotistical, since all credit in this regard goes to Richard. All vocals were done by myself and King Colon (the unheard from WreckdoM member) as we were working on what we thought would be a short and cute acapella ditty. Once Richard took hold of what we recorded, he immediately began mutating it into something much cooler, crazier, and admittedly less palatable. The lyrics were supposed to be stream of conscience (and tongue in cheek) So I'm glad that still came through. The fact that you picked up on what we were going for makes the effort that much more worthwhile.
"perhaps the most offensive and disturbing image I've ever heard in a song" - Hans Gruber
1: hostess, redskyhawk, pipefist, johnny
2: wreckdom, rayon, destete
i don't know french, so if people are singing in it i won't know what it is.
hostess started out, the sounds didn't excite me, but i liked them better as it went. sounded kinda thin. gets very nice halfway through. i like it.
wwwwwreckdom, now, is like musique concrete, isn't it? interesting, as usual. this week you remind me of the butthole surfers.
redskyhawk has a lovely fake bass. kinda 80's this is pretty fun to listen to, without knowing french a lot is lost, and it feels kinda meatless, but fun.
pipefist has some cool intro sounds. love the small whale bits. nice.
rayon - too quiet. sounds like tapehiss.
destete - didn't do too much for me.
johnny - this is pretty good, mr johnny. php? ha. i enjoy some of these lyrics. fun.
charcoal - actually this is annoying me, sorry. too "musicalish" for me.
oops, looks like i ran out of things to say.
well, my vote's between hostess and pipefist.
having trouble deciding.
-bill
giving the play by play as i listen.....some may advance in ranks....others decline.....possibly affected by the order....here goes.....just my opinion
Hostess Mostess.....dig it....yeah there is a Gabriel feel to it....vocal break doesn't really work.......tuning issues.....but i like what your going for.....the reign of les anchois....i picture a rain of les anchois and a goofy Gabrielesque video.......good stuff...setting the bar pretty high
Caravan Ray...your avatar could be played by Willem Dafoe.....i have read your lyrics and am lookin forward to this.....the tune doesnt seem to show the twistedness of the lyrics.....the choir is nice....seems like there could be more song here...just when i was getting interested it went away....pleasant....but your in second place so far
1st Hostess 2nd C Ray
Pipe Fist...i knew someone would go for a pizza angle.....dont quite get your lyrics though.....read em first....liking this intro the pitch bending is groovy...i'm liking this.......although i am not sure why.....ooohhhh...man, i was just about to say that it gives me this nice confident strolling pedestrian feel.....like walking a familar path home from a great encounter......and then you had the path fall off a cliff! What happened? Due date get ya?
1st Hostess 2nd Fist 3rd C Ray
Charcoal...lost me right off the bat...but i'll teach you a little game i play with myself.....when a song really blows and i want to just go on to the next one.....i picture one of the bad teachers i had growing up in a goofy outfit dancing and singing the offending song (in this case yours).....In my minds eye it amuses me to see Mr Hobson(junior high band teacher) in only an apron and a chef hat swirling to this in a filthy kitchen......but the song still doesn't do it.
1st Hostess 2nd Fist 3rd C Ray 4th Charcoal(dont get comfortable)
Des Tete...what teacher will i pick on while i endure this......do you realize your ripping off the Atlanta Braves......tomahawk thing...well that is something to picture a stadium full of people with hatchets.....but it was put together well and such, too much abc at the beginning.....yet you still displace charcoal
1st Hostess 2nd Fist 3rd C Ray 4th Des Tete 5th Charcoal
WreckdoM.....i like how i can picture walking in on the recording session...and i am always impressed with how Richard keeps it oddly arythymic and yet rythymic...Great Lyrics......but they are hard to hear.....I hope Redmon listens to this......i really really like the coming and going stretch part flying around at the end.......
1st Hostess 2nd C Ray (you pulled up....just hit me i dug yours better than Fist on this and i know you cant seem to help the hiss...but the crowd might get hostile when they see that Fist falls two places.....) 3rd WreckdoM 4th Pipe Fist 5th Des Tete 6th Charcoal
Johnny in the Corner......i can see the muppets heads bopping back and forth on this...the lyrics read well.....this is a let down for me............good lyrics set to meaty ochre music....not one of the best collabs......wonder what you guys thought of it when it was done?
1st Hostess 2nd C Ray 3rd Wreckdom 4th Johnny 5th Fist 6th Des Tete 7th Charcoal
Red Sky Hawk....feels like a themes song to a french Magnum P.I. or something......bass guitar is enjoyable.......this feels french.....the singspeak is fruity in that french way.......its going on too long though.....and then out! I dont know if i would ride it alone again, but if there were a cute girl who needed someone to ride with her...i have my hands up the whole way.....dont know where to rank this....
1st Hostess 2nd C Ray 3rd Wreckdom 4th Pipe Fist 5th Red Sky Hawk 6th Jcorner 7th Des Tete 8th Charcoal
good fight.....fist movin around in there as the fight progressed.....hope everyone is having a grand holiday time......
the best quotes are from the same source : anonymous
