Review A Little Bit More (Love Me reviews)

[Paco Del Stinko]

Stick a fork in me...

Oh, you ain't done yet! Hopefully, rare. Tee-hee.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Stick a fork in me...

Oh, you ain't done yet! Hopefully, rare. Tee-hee.

man hug

[Heine]

My votes:

Sure: all D's (Durand Durand, deetak, Dutuva), Maggie Kanuka, PiGPEN and Slats.

Else: Rik G., Evil-E, roymond feat. BLT, Noel, Hostess Mostess for liking their songs more and more. Also Melvin (first impression: well, some ordinary radio tune, but after listening some more times... yeah, it's great). And Steve Durand because it's your chorus I was singing for the last two days - and that's telling me: it works! (Although you promised me some fights ago to take care about the vocals - mixing them just as clear as your instruments...?!?)

Seems I can't be in for cdwyotb...

[Pet Squirrel]

Granted, I'm aware I'm not the greatest lyricist in the world, but IMHO there's some more interest to the lyrics when one knows the premise. I'll have to think about how to better get it across in the actual lyrics though....

Why use lyrics to get it across at all? It sounds like the perfect place to use some careful sound effects.

An intro with a TV being turned on, possibly with someone sitting down, turning the TV on and being called out of the room -- or just a TV being left on in an empty room. You could use a fade-in/fade-out like someone is walking in to a neighboring room.

If you want some examples of what such effects could sound like in finished products, I'd recommend "Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast" from Pink Floyd's Atom Heart Mother (my favorite of their albums) or perhaps the Radio KAOS album by Roger Waters.

Excellent point. I tried to do a *little* of this with the tv static at the beginning and end, but I think you're right that this could be a good way to go. Thanks!

[reve]

Granted, I'm aware I'm not the greatest lyricist in the world, but IMHO there's some more interest to the lyrics when one knows the premise. I'll have to think about how to better get it across in the actual lyrics though....

Why use lyrics to get it across at all? It sounds like the perfect place to use some careful sound effects...An intro with a TV being turned on...If you want some examples of what such effects could sound like in finished products, I'd recommend "Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast" from Pink Floyd's Atom Heart Mother (my favorite of their albums)

Excellent point. I tried to do a *little* of this with the tv static at the beginning and end, but I think you're right that this could be a good way to go. Thanks!

So this discussion made me go back to PS's song, listen a few times, and do some thinkin'. While I'm using Mr. Squirrel's song as an example, my goal here is broach the topic of how we can use what we've learned from neuropsychology over the last few decades to create more compelling song structures. It will also be the longest review Pet Squirrel is ever likely to receive.

First I want to more closely examine the solution Mr. Beany suggested. I think Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast succeeded because the message was simple. Dude is having breakfast (cue cereal crunching sounds) and then goes into psychedelic wonderland (cue psychedelic music). You had two entirely separate entities: recorded breakfast sounds and psychedelic music. By juxtapositioning them (or a "mash up" in the current nomenclature), you create the notion of a psychedelic breakfast. Which, like the phrase "exploding plastic inevitable" has no tangible meaning -- just meaning that the receiver ascribes through their interpretation of words like plastic. Same deal with "psychedelic breakfast."

Pet Squirrel's goal is far more clever and ambitious. The sound of an older television playing, having its channels flipped through, and then turned off (*click*-bleeeeooo) would help tie it all together for the alert listener, especially after they pick up on phrases like "crystal eye," etc. But a casual listener probably won't think back to brief sound effects at the beginning halfway through the song. They'll get it the second time around, but that assumes they'll listen a second time. And that's an awful strong assumption.

That's the crux of our issue here: casual listeners. At the height of my Floydist days, I would put on headphones concentrate wholly on the music. For most people, Songfights do not get that level of attention. So Pet Squirrel (or any Songfighter relying on the cleverness of their lyrical premise) has a different set of goals than the Floyd did with APB:

1. Get people's attention.
2. Convey the plot message.
3. Keep people's attention for as long as possible.

Mr. Squirrel is excellently positioned to achieve goal number 1. The best way to get people's attention is through surprise. That's the neurological purpose of surprise, after all. A television with human emotions that expresses them through song is an inherently surprising premise, so that'll probably do it.

Goal number two is a trickier bit. I wonder if rather than subtly alluding to the fact that the narrator is a television, the most effective route is the most direct one:

[Sound of television changing channels, followed by a classic click and tube power-off sound. Brief second of quiet, shuffling sound.]
VOICE 1: Why did you turn me off?
VOICE 2: .... whaaa? t?...v?
VOICE 1: Why did you turn me off?
[launch into song]

Now it's easy for us to sit back and say, "whoah, no, that's blunt force trauma direct. This is a subtle, intricate message -- don't dumb it down for people." But now we're all looking at it from the cursed perspective of _knowing_ that the narrator is a television. A pair of virgin ears just perks up, says "a talking tv? wtf?" and by this time Mr. Squirrel has launched into his song. It's not dumbing it down, it's just getting people's attention and setting up the premise in a way we can all understand immediately. Granted, you can exchange that for subtlety. But fewer people will understand, and you'll lose listeners.

Goal three (keeping interest) is the amazingly tough one. We traditionally approach this through some combination of fat hooks and mad rhymes. But the truly clever among us (like say, Future Boy) will interject a third element: the structure of their narrative exposition. And as I think about it, in the genre of clever concept songs (in which I place Mr. Squirrel's composition), that's what makes it or breaks the piece.

This is because a clever concept alone doesn't do it. But what does do it? Think about all the movies you've seen that have been based on a clever concept but have been crushingly terrible flicks. These films -- and many of our concept-driven songs -- don't achieve their maximum potential impact because they ignore the structure of the story. What we often neglect is that when we base a song on a clever concept, we actually unwittingly base our song on a story. A good-concept-bad-movie science fiction film may have a great concept, good acting, neat special effects and still fall flat. Likewise, Mr. Squirrel's song has a great concept, good music, and clever rhymes. But it doesn't achieve it's full potential either, and the same reason the good-concept sci-fi flick doesn't:

There's no expository buildup and no payoff. We're so used to the buildup-payoff model in our musical structures it's second nature to us, but we often ignore it in how we tell the story. Here's how our brains would react to the surprise premise of Mr. Squirrel's song:

"A talking television? WTF? That's not even possible! Crap, it's started singing!!! What's it going to say???!!!"

He's hooked our attention with this great premise. We're paying attention because as the TV starts singing, we want to know what it's going to say. And it tells us almost immediately that it's sad, wishes the person would watch it more and that it's lonely. And that's the flaw. Like the movie with predictable plot that hooks us with it's clever concept, we know within the first few seconds of the song where it's going to go for the next five minutes (that is, why specifically it's sad). We may stick around to see the cool effects, or listen to the fun bouncy synths in the case of Mr. Squirrel's song. But the reason that the listener started to pay attention in the first place ("what's the TV gonna say?") was immediately answered, and at that point our attention level drops.

So let's revisit goal number three -- keeping people's interest as long as possible. All good stories are, on some level, a mystery. We watch/listen/read on because we want to know what happens next. Let's look at opening line of another synth-driven track: Future Boy's SongFight winning "Keep in Touch." (The track's at http://www.songfight.org/music/keep_in_ ... oy_kit.mp3 -- I urge you to give a listen, as it's an excellent example of how to structure narrative exposition in a short form song. Then come back.) Note this is sung with extreme enthusiasm:

We finally got our yearbooks today
and all I've got to say is HOOORRAAAY!!
I've been waiting for this moment all year!!!

This causes us to ask ourselves the question... why? Why's he so excited? He goes on to tell us that he's excited because he's finally going to talk to Amy Taluse (which serves as the acutual plot of the song), and he expects she'll write the following message in his yearbook... and we're on the hook again! What's she going to write? He tells us, and then puts us on the hook again as he approaches Amy in real life. She signs his yearbook, we get a big surprise, the main plot of talking to Amy is resolved, and the song ends. Sure, the song has some slow parts in the exposition. But its slow parts are saved by it's catchiness, brisk 175 bpm bounce and conciseness.

Future Boy had catchy music and clever rhymes, but he won the fight by having the sense to exploit how our brains process information. As a species, we have had great success in large part due to our brain's ability to predict future events. When we can't predict what's coming, we get interested. At the most base level, this a survival mechanism -- but it's also what keeps us glued to our seats during a suspense movie. Let's look at a typical plot structure:

1. Get people's attention (someone is murdered)
2. Convey the plot (find out who did it)
3. Stimulate their interest (a clue is discovered)
4. Resolve their interest (the clue becomes understood in the context of the mystery)
5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 as necessary (but not MORE than necessary!)
6. Resolve the plot (the [surprise!] murderer is revealed)

You'll notice that this is the exact same structure of Future Boy's song.

1. Get people's attention (Absurd excitement over yearbook)
2. Convey the plot (unknown relationship with Amy)
3. Stimulate their interest (What will she write?)
4. Resolve their interest (What does in fact write)
5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 as necessary.
6. Resolve the plot (Amy's [surprise!] feelings revealed)

I think this is the most powerful framework for a concept-narrative song, and I think that if Mr. Squirrel worked to shoehorn his song's concept into this framework, it'd be a significantly stronger piece. He's got the attention-getting and plot steps down, but the resolution to the central question comes too quickly.

What do you guys think?

[PiGPEN]

Anne sighed as she sat in her room, staring at her wall. She just finished writing in her diary, and had nothing to do. Life was boring in the Secret Annex, but it was better than the alternative. It was alright talking to Peter and Margot, but they were both such quiet people, unlike the always active Anne. All of a sudden, a flash of light appeared in the room! Anne jumped back, stifling a scream. Before she could run out the closed door she noticed that the person who appeared in the flash was not a Nazi officer, but someone who she had never seen before! His clothes were very strange, and his hair was in a spiky style that was totally new to her. She stood against the wall, wary of the stranger, but he walked towards her and smiled, extending a hand. "My name is Goku." The mysterious stranger said. Anne nervously put her hand in his. He bent down and kissed it softly, then let go. Anne blushed, feeling something she had never felt before go off inside of her. "My name is Anne..." she replied quietly. "I'm sorry for what just happened," Goku told her, "But I was caught in a time portal and deposited here! My power cells will recharge soon, but until then, I'm stuck here." Anne had no idea what the handsome visitor was talking about, but she played along. "Well, sir" she said. "You may stay in my room as long as you like!" Anne blushed again as she said this, and giggled slightly. Goku looked around, and then sat on the bed. "Thank you for the invitation. I'll be sure to repay you for it soon." Anne did not understand what he meant by that, however, when he spoke, she felt a warmth deep inside of her. She sat by him on the bed, staring at the man's beautiful eyes. Finally, she could stand it no longer. Anne leaned over and kissed the stranger on the cheek, and then pulled back quickly, not sure of what she had done. "I'm sorry..." she said, as she stumbled to find the right words. The visitor smirked. "No, that's quite alright." He replied with a smile, putting one arm around her. "You know, you're a very beautiful girl, but I... well..." Anne looked at him, troubled. "What's the matter?" she said, with a sweet smile. Goku looked nervous. "I... I'm already married." he finally managed to choke out. Anne pulled away from him abruptly. "No!" she said loudly, almost in tears. "I'm sorry..." he replied. Anne was furious. "Nothing ever goes right!" she cried out. "I have to go now, my power cells have recharged." said Goku. Anne was in tears by now, staring at the wall so she wouldn't see Goku's face. He smiled a sad smile, and disappeared in another flash, out of Anne's life forever. Anne never forgot him, though... not until the end of time.
One month. Well, it didn't feel like a month. To Anne Frank, a Jew in hiding from the Nazis, it seemed like a year. One month since the fateful encounter with the mysterious man from another world, who she only knew as 'Goku'. The handsome stranger had stepped through time and into her life, then disappeared without a trace. Anne was almost sure that they'd never meet again, even though not one day passed without her dreaming of him. Little did she know, however, that their lives were tied by the unbreakable red string of fate.

It was another boring day in the Secret Annex. Anne sat on the bed of her room, writing in her diary. It never occurred to her, however, that this entry would be her last. As she wrote in the quiet attic, there was a loud noise from downstairs. Her heart jumped with both fear and excitement. Was it them? The Nazis? Or, could it be... him? She had no idea whether to run downstairs or to hide. That decision, however, was made for her. Her door flew open, and a tall soldier was visible in the doorway, glaring at her. The cries of her family members and friends were tuned out as Anne only thought of one thing. She stood up and followed the soldier out of her room, down the stairs, and into the back of a truck. "So this is it." She said quietly to herself. "I'll never see him, my one true love, ever again. And all those years of hiding... they were for naught." Then, Anne realized that she left her precious diary up in her room. She broke loose from the officer, and made a dash back into the shop, when he removed a gun from his holster and fired a shot in her direction. Anne fell to the floor.
Anne lay on the floor, feeling searing pain run through her leg, where the bullet had met its mark. The Gestapo officer menacingly moved towards her, grinning, when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light, causing the officer to shield his eyes. A huge cloud of smoke appeared next to Anne, blocking her from the soldier's vision. When the smoke cleared, he was in for quite a surprise. There was Goku, holding Anne in his arms, standing next to a huge metal capsule. "Goku!" cried Anne "You came back... for me!" Goku smiled. "Anything for you, my dear." He said. "Our love will never be lost... not until the end of time." The Gestapo officer turned tail and ran, but Goku was too quick for him. After laying Anne on the concrete, he dashed towards the Nazi and knocked him to the ground, unconscious, with only one blow. "Nazi scum." Muttered Goku as he spit on his enemy's limp body, then returned to Anne. "Here, I have something for you." Goku said, as he removed a small bean from his pocket. "What on earth is this?" asked Anne. Goku smiled, remember how ignorant she was to what was everyday life to him. "A senzu bean." He said. "Just eat it, and it will cure your leg." Anne followed his instructions and popped the bean into her mouth, as the wound on her calve magically healed. "Now come on." Commanded Goku. "We've got some Nazi ass to kick." Anne jumped on the mysterious Saiyan's back, as he launched off into the sky.
After only a few moments, the two of them arrived in Berlin. Tanks were parading down the street, as Adolf Hitler himself stood on a platform overlooking it all. "Stay here." Goku said, dropping Anne in a shaded area under a tree. He then flew straight towards the parade of tanks, fist outstretched, screaming as loud as he could. The soldiers below scattered in terror, while the tanks tried to aim their cannons at him. He was too quick and nimble for them, however, and opened the hatch of a nearby Panzer, then headed inside. After dispatching of the soldiers in control of the war machine, he took the wheel. He fired round after round into the crowds of Nazi soldiers, occasionally firing at the other tanks. After only minutes, there was nothing but a cloud of dust and corpses. Goku emerged from the tank's hatch, smiling now that he had done his duty. When all of the dust cleared, there were only two people remaining on the parade ground: Goku, the Saiyan hero, and Adolf Hitler, the most evil man ever to walk the earth.
Anne watched from nearby fearfully as she saw the two men stare at each other for what seemed like hours. Her one true love, and her ultimate oppressor. It had come down to this. "So," Hitler said jovially "You took out all of my men. However, you aren't going to defeat me." Hitler then jumped down from his platform and down onto the street in front of Goku, pulling a chain gun from the ground nearby. Goku quickly jumped behind a ruined tank, as Adolf opened fire. The tank made decent cover, but it wasn't long until it would be torn apart by the hail of bullets. Goku had to act. He dashed out from the side of the tank, and flew as fast as he could toward Hitler, who had no time to react. He grabbed the chain gun out of his enemy's hands, and snapped it over his knee with ease. Hitler stumbled backwards, shocked at the turn of events. Goku smirked, then said "It's come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. If you admit defeat now, I'll kill you rather painlessly." Goku had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Hitler burst into a laugh, as Goku looked on quizzically. The mustachioed man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue. Goku reeled in horror. Hitler continued laughing, then finally said "Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!" Hitler had become a Super Saiyan.
Anne looked on in awe, not sure what was going on. At first, it seemed like her lover would win the battle, but now she was not so sure. Goku now seemed scared of his opponent, and it was for a good reason. Hitler continued to speak "Goku, can't you see? I've reached a power level 10 TIMES anything you've ever achieved! Your fate is sealed, weakling." Even though the battle seemed unwinnable, Goku charged in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Every blow he struck with was deflected off of Hitler's rock hard body. Hitler waited for Goku to tire himself out, then raised his fist and punched Goku. And one punch was enough. Goku was knocked across the street into a large propaganda poster of Hitler, thudding to the cold, hard ground. Hitler laughed, thinking that victory was in his hands at last. Goku, however, was not ready to give up. Bruised and battered, he rose from the ground, limping in Hitler's direction. The Nazi leader laughed. "You still want to fight? Don't you know when to give up, boy? You can hardly walk. And you expect to beat ME? Conqueror of Europe?" Goku ignored Adolf's taunts as he continued to stumble his way forward.
Finally, the two archrivals were standing face to face. Goku stared Hitler into the eye, then screamed "This... is for LOVE!" and flew up into the sky, his hair turning blonde, his eyes blue, and an aura of power radiating from him. Hitler looked on in horror at Goku. He had made the ultimate achievement. He had become a Super Ultra Power Saiyan. Goku made a cup shape with his hands, aiming at Hitler, as he belted out the words "Kame... Hame... HAAAAA!" as a beam of pure energy shot at his enemy, disintegrating the Nazi leader's body. Goku then collapsed to the ground in a heap, exhausted from the fight. Two years later: Anne and Goku had finally reached the date of their wedding. After the battle, Anne and Goku destroyed the time machine and took a boat to Australia. They changed their names and lived new lives, ready to start over. The two young people looked into each others eyes as they kissed, as the reverend pronounced them man and wife. Finally, it seemed, Anne was at peace. And they would always be together, until the end of time.

Not all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mo(ee-oh)uld.

[Lord of Oats]

WOW

[JonPorobil]

What did I just read?

[adam b]

Riveting!

[Teplin]

I did these in reverse order, to make it a bit more fair to people who are stuck at the end of the alphabet. Did about half of them earlier in the week, and half during a marathon session tonight. I feel like the "winner" of a hot dog eating contest.

The Worldly Self-Assurance - Some of the vocals are better than others, which makes it sound a bit uneven. It's well recorded, of course, and E-bowed guitar is always a treat. The song itself is nice, but not something that will stick with me.

The White Hat - Hmm, sounds like bog standard banjo pickin' to me. Is this what you mean by an "open-minded" approach to your instrument? It feels like I've heard this a thousand times before, and that's saying something because I don't tend to listen to this style of music. Ok, so there's some harmonica, and again... nothing new here.

Wet Towel Society - I kinda dig these cheesy drums. When the bass comes in it's overpowering. Vocals remind me of Tom Petty, and not in a bad way. I like the tinkly synth. Bass is still too loud. A good amount of changes and variations. Slightly too long, maybe. Nice ending, though.

Weakest Suit - I mentioned it before, but this really seems like a dramatic step up in quality. It still sounds live, but less lo-fi. All the elements are coming together for me, it's well mixed, the song is catchy and it doesn't wear out it's welcome. I'd like to hear a bit more consistency from the tambourines, but if they were TOO consistent it might wreck some of the live feel. This is one to be proud of.

A Tribe Called Quoons - You're probably going to lose votes because of the theme, but I, for one, am grateful that you didn't write Yet Another Sensitive Love Song, and the humor is welcome. The story kept me interested in what was going to happen next. The bootythump bass is nice, especially with that percussion groove. My favorite part is probably the bridge. I wish the muted trumpet was real, but what'ryagonnado? We're can't all have a brother named Steve Durand, so you made the most out of what you had.

Todd McHatton - I know the Beatles have been mentioned, it reminds me a bit of the Polyphonic Spree as well... I'm a sucker for this style, and that makes this is my favorite of yours. All the different instruments, the arrangement, great great great! There are a few recording nitpicks that detract from my enjoyment. The pickup buzz on the guitar solo is so loud it's distracting. The microphone is bumped into, loudly, from around 2:13 to 2:17. There are some scattered plosives (oPen the door). I know, these are minor issues, but for some reason they really stand out to me. The song itself is charming and eclectic, and that's what really matters.

Swillington - I guess I'm in the mood for vocoder, because it's sounding pretty good. It might not be a standout for me, but it's nice in the background.

Steve Durand - If that's harmonica, you're the cleanest, most precise harmonica player I've ever heard. Not my favorite of yours, but good.

Squidbird - Like far too much hip hop, this is too repetitive. That particular synth patch isn't very exciting. I'd have to agree that Chadder's HAMN entry sounds more like what I'd expect "birdcore" to sound like, but props for getting creative with it instead of churning out Yet Another Sensitive Love Song.

Some Guy Called Noel - I'm envious of your fingerstyle. I've practiced the technique, but haven't ever been able to make it sound smooth like this. Maybe because I'm a lefty who plays righty, I don't have the right hand dexterity. Hmm. Anyway, that's impressive. I'd like to hear your vocals come up in the mix in the beginning of the song. It sounds like you gain confidence as you go, and your vocals near the end of the song are just about right.

Slats - How do you keep FINDING those cool guitar tones? I like the effects on your voice. Your mixing is getting better and better, I can tell. The bass sounds great this time. Definitely your best so far.

The Sky Looks Pissed - Harmonica, frantic guitar, and.... horror movies strings? That's kinda cool actually. Are you in an actual garage? You sound like the manic phase of how the weakest suit used to sound. I like some of these lines "flash without a camera, shaving without a beard". Hahaha, "that was angry". I have to admit, by the end you've won me over.

Signboy - I'm diggin' the fuzz bass. This is worthy. All my complaints are vocal related, and I think it could have been fixed with a couple more takes.

Roymond Feat. Billy - Vocal delivery at the start isn't helping me NOT picture you in Frank N. Furter drag (thanks a lot, Chris), but I like it in spite of that. As stated, there are some mix issues, and I think the guitars may be panned a little too heavily. Great random-sounding solo.

R. Mosquito - I always look forward to what you'll do next. I think this could be a bit less noisy without ruining your vibe. I love it, but I could be loving it a little bit more.

Rik Gerblick - Your voice sounds familiar. Blues Traveller, is that you? Actually, everything sounds familiar. Didn't I hear this several times a day on the radio in the 90's? This isn't bad at all, it's just too much like too many other songs.

Red Skeletons - Songwriting and arrangement are top notch. Great instrumentation and lots of changes... yeah, this really appeals to me.

Raisin Brain - A bit too long. Not bad, not a standout. The vocals are the main problem.

Quimby - Your vocals have never sounded better. Hey Hey My My, Rock and Roll will never die... oh, sorry, wrong song . Is that you on lead guitar? It's good!

Plain Songs for Doves and Tigers - Wow... hmmm... it comes THIS close to being brilliant. The things holding it back are EQ issues (too muddy, no sparkle), and the fact that sometimes it sounds like you're flailing around trying to find the pitch. You're going in a great direction, keep working on it. This has an amazing texture.

Pigpen - This is FUN, and that's what you're going for. The dun-dun-dun and the quacking don't annoy me. Not something I'd listen to all the time, but it made me smile.

Pet Squirrel - Vocals need some processing to fit better in the song. Bass could come down a bit. My favorite part is when the strings come in.

The Pathetic Wannabees - This reminds me of that song that goes "hey babe, you wanna boogie? boogie woogie woogie with me". I think the music and background vocals are too low compared to the lead vocal. This would be fun to see live.

Paco Del Stinko - Musicianship out the wazoo, as is to be expected. This one doesn't especially stand out in the Paco catalog, but it's a pretty sweet catalog. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Ocho Del Culo - Hearing this makes me appreciate Chadderandom more. It's really difficult music either way, but his is way better.

Melvin is God - Those cheesio-tone instruments. That vocal delivery. Would have been a perfect fit for Half A Million Nerds... it's nerdtastic. If this is intentional satire, it's good.

Melvin - The usual radio-friendly Melvin entry. Nothing wrong with it, just not my bag.

McRamalamastein - This starts out sounding really promising, with that organ and timpani. Then the vocals come in, way too loud, and disappoint me. Then the music gets too loud, too. I really want the enjoy this, but the clipping makes it difficult. You've got some great ideas and a cool sound, you just need to work on your levels. I'm not in love with the pitch shifted background vocals, but I am in love with the solo.

Max The Cat - I think someone mentioned Paul Simon before, and he's the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe a bit TOO much like him, but I enjoy his phrasing, so of course I like yours. Too much panning on the bass. Nice harmonics!

Mar La Alma - Ah, A deetak parody which makes me appreciate him more, because he's way better. I see what you're doing here.

Manhattan Glutton - I actually dig the slow pace (some would call it plodding) and the seasick sounding guitars. I REALLY like when the distortion kicks in and you start to rock it, reminding me of Live back when Live was good. I know the soft/loud/soft thing has been done a lot, but I've still got a soft spot for it.

Maggie Kanuka - This makes a little movie in my head. A high school girl playing the song in a darkened auditorium after everyone else has left, and she thinks nobody is listening. It's got emotional authenticity, and the lo-fi recording actually adds to it. I wouldn't change a thing.

LSK - Do you need a doctor? It sounds like you're in distress, probably something gastrointestinal. Yep, definitely gastrointestinal.

Jon Eric, etc. - The mix is really bass heavy, and that makes the whole thing feel murky and oppressive. Subjectively, it feels like it's too long. Sometimes the guitars obscure the vocals. I like the theme.

Jonathan Mann - I'd like to hear the drumming sound more organic, but that's probably not your fault, we have to work with what we have. For some reason I'm picturing this being sung by a wedding singer. Maybe it's the small-room reverb. Applause at the end wouldn't sound out of place. Pretty cool song.

John Kloberdanz - It's a good folk song, and it satisfies my need to hear gigantic sounding reverb sometimes.

Jimmy Jet and his T.V. - Ukulele songs almost never fail to please me. It's got the live, rough, weakest suit sound that makes me feel like I'm there while you sit on the couch and play, and in this case "there" is a beach house in the afternoon.

Hostess Mostess - Genre bias alert! Must.... stick.... with... this.... ok, I like one of the chord changes you do, during the part you sing "I've never seen you feel the way you feel". I can tell it's well recorded and performed and all that. I feel like I should be watching a montage in a romance movie.

Hell Yeahs - Whoever said Veruca Salt choruses was right on. I always loved them. I think this is my favorite of yours so far. Just the right length, too. Reminds me of the best parts of the 90's.

Heine - I don't care if it does sound too much like the scorpions, I like it! Guitars could be a little tighter, that's the only thing that sticks out. I can hear your recording skills improving.

Evil-E - Nice wah! Too much bass. Vocals not always on pitch. I like reverb, but this particular metal box sound isn't doing much for me. Ring mod is an unexpected treat.

Eric Storm's Daily - This really choppy feel is different, and it appeals to me at the moment (despite the fact that, by the end of the song, I can feel a headache coming on). I love the chipsynths. Yeah, very cool.

Embers of Autumn - I'm genre biasing, but I like the melodica.

Dutova - Bass is a hair too loud. I like the vocal style, and the song itself. When the synth comes in it's unexpected in this kind of song, and I like it.

Durand Durand - Great energy, it's nice to hear you guys rockin' it out! Very well done! I think the voice is too dry for this style, but it's a minor complaint, and it's all I can come up with. I'm loving the "cool down" in the middle with the sax, before it all kicks in again. I'm predicting win.

Deetak - Aw, man, what happened? I know your recording setup didn't have this much noise in it before. Unless you're recording this with different gear in a different place, something is broken and you need to check it out. I usually enjoy your stuff, but it's hard to review the song itself because of all the buzz and hum.

Country Martyrs - The synth is hella loud, and I wouldn't use a term like "hella" lightly. Hey nice guitar! Best rone ever.

Cock - Darker tone, very ominous, very cool. Nice beat, too. Great sounding synths.

Cobalt Stomach - Full on headache... not your fault, but those drums aren't helping it. I like the sounds you chose. Well put together, I just can't finish it right now.

Chopped Live Meat God - New Waveish. I'm starting to lose my ability to review, so I don't know what to say about this. I can't find anything wrong with it. Not bad at all.

Chadderandom - I would have rather heard the track you were more emotionally attached to. I know, sucks to be unappreciated, but it's a terrible thing to have to bottle yourself up out of fear of rejection. Whatever it takes to get past that, you've got to.

Cabin Fever - Not appealing to me as much as your previous entries, but I can't say why. Hey, at least it doesn't make my head pound worse!

Berkshire Social Scene - I don't think the different vocals on the verses are "together" enough. Feels kinda scattered and random, so not a standout in the Berk*** Social Scene catalog.

babylonhoruvfeatpandamonieumandatryom - The extreme panning on the voices + headphones = making the room spin. Have I been doing this for too long, or are the voices hard to make out, making it difficult to discern the story? I hear "Another woman was in-tarred-up like a ball". Leaves me interested to hear what you'll do next, though.


Whew... done! Ow.

[Ethan]

The Sky Looks Pissed - Harmonica, frantic guitar, and.... horror movies strings? That's kinda cool actually. Are you in an actual garage? You sound like the manic phase of how the weakest suit used to sound. I like some of these lines "flash without a camera, shaving without a beard". Hahaha, "that was angry". I have to admit, by the end you've won me over.

Heh, actually I was recording it in the shower. Now that I look back, that was a bad, bad, bad idea.

[Steve Durand]

Steve Durand - If that's harmonica, you're the cleanest, most precise harmonica player I've ever heard. Not my favorite of yours, but good.

Yeah, it's a harmonica. I got a chromatic harmonica as a Christmas gift.

Thanks for reviewing!

[Clif]

I really liked the following:
Berkshire Social Scene
The Hell Yeahs
Hostess Mostess
Howl Down the Chimney

but the song by Max the Cat is phenomenal, astronomical, philosophical, and more than just a little bit scary.

[JonPorobil]

Didn't finish reviews for everyone (sorry!), but here's the ones I did actually write reviews. Everyone else I haven't gotten to: yours was okay.

Eric Strom's Daily Song Dot Com - A few seconds in, I nearly lumped you in with the really bad ones. A full listen shows you're actually trying to be creative, but your lyrics have absolutely no subtlety to them, and they don't really go anywhere. They also don't match up to your melody, which makes the first verse in particular very difficult to understand.

Maggie Kanuka - This song makes me sorely miss my piano. Is this all one take? You could do wonders if you separated the piano from the vocals. There are some sections where it sounds like you're oversimplifying your piano part so as to be able to sing at the same time. Also, the vocals need to be louder. Have a little confidence in your voice!

Melvin - Yeah! This is how it's done! This mix is HUGE. Are you playing your own cello? I assume the strings are a MIDI patch of some sort, but the cello sounds like it might be real. God, there's a ton of instruments here. This ballad has a lot of pwer behind it, but like most 4/4 ballads post-Joshua Tree, this feels like a "With or Without You" knockoff. A far more pleasant "With or Without You" knockoff, than, say, Linkin Park's "End of the Day," but there it is. I liked this, found it very pleasant to listen to, and your recording quality and mixing are all absolutely top-notch, but I don't think I'll be voting for this.

Plain Songs for Doves & Tigers - The fake accent comes off as too gimmicky; I'd lose it. Try turning down your mic, stepping a little bit away from it, and singing louder. And no, I don't mean turning the vocal track up. I mean, actually project your voice when you're singing in the first place. It'll make all the difference. Every once in a while, a discordant note sneaks into the mix, giving it a pleasant tension. The guitar is a bit muddy, but it'll do. Just try to clean up those vocals.

Red Skeletons - Cute. I like the effect you have on the vocals; kind of etherial robot. The staggering of the lines in the chorus is a bit awkward, but it's worth it for the lead-out, where you repeat "A little bit more little bit more little bit more." Very catchy.

Roymond - There's some trademark Roymond weirdness right there. Your vocals are more frenetic and higher-energy than just about anything else I ever remember you singing. It's crazy, like some early XTC. Still, I think BLT's guitars added something that, in this version, seems to be missing. If I'd heard this version first, maybe I'd like it more. Who knows? All I can say is, I'm voting for the BLT version and not this one. Good song, though.

The Sky Looks Pissed - When I was younger (pre-Songfight), I thought that I had some innate and irrevocable talent which made everything I wrote great, by definition. I think that confidence gave me a lot of ambition to write in styles I wouldn't even try these days, but it also led to me writing a lot of crap without ever considering that it might be less than superlative. If I were you, I'd try to look at your lyrics objectively, because I hear some of that same brashness there, but the lyrics just chug right along, as though you never even considered they needed revision. Try writing a few more verses, and use the best two or three.

Everyone else: your song was okay.

[Todd McHatton]

I really would have liked to review everyone this time because I really have enjoyed most of them.
The ones I found myself going back to for repeated listenings (in no particular order)...
Red Skeletons, Pigpen, Melvin, DuToVa, and Some Guy Called Noel
Again, nice job everyone.

[Ross]

Just posting to say that I am working on reviews. I am feeling spread a little thin this week. (Month?)

thanks to all those that wrote some so far - it is a daunting task.

I did want to shout out to Hostess and Quimby.

And good to see Evil-E back in the fight

[mrbeany]

1. Get people's attention (someone is murdered)
2. Convey the plot (find out who did it)
3. Stimulate their interest (a clue is discovered)
4. Resolve their interest (the clue becomes understood in the context of the mystery)
5. Repeat steps 3 & 4 as necessary (but not MORE than necessary!)
6. Resolve the plot (the [surprise!] murderer is revealed)

This post reminded me that the first time I got to the end of Johnny In the Corner's "Mean to Me" the last line was such a delightful surprise I literally laughed aloud and clapped my hands. (For those that have not heard it: http://www.songfight.org/music/mean_to_ ... er_mtm.mp3 )

I wonder about the differences between the components of a good short story and a good song narrative. I suspect they have more in common than not.

[roymond]

Roymond - There's some trademark Roymond weirdness right there. Your vocals are more frenetic and higher-energy than just about anything else I ever remember you singing. It's crazy, like some early XTC. Still, I think BLT's guitars added something that, in this version, seems to be missing. If I'd heard this version first, maybe I'd like it more. Who knows? All I can say is, I'm voting for the BLT version and not this one. Good song, though.

Did I do more than one version? Those be BLT vocals, not mine.

[JonPorobil]

Roymond - There's some trademark Roymond weirdness right there. Your vocals are more frenetic and higher-energy than just about anything else I ever remember you singing. It's crazy, like some early XTC. Still, I think BLT's guitars added something that, in this version, seems to be missing. If I'd heard this version first, maybe I'd like it more. Who knows? All I can say is, I'm voting for the BLT version and not this one. Good song, though.

Did I do more than one version? Those be BLT vocals, not mine.

That's weird. I guess the FMs took it down in light of the size of the fight. But I definitely have two distinct versions of your song on my hard drive right now, one with fewer guitars.

[PlainSongs]

how we can use what we've learned from neuropsychology over the last few decades to create more compelling song structures

... or to tweak neuropsychology to find more song structures compelling? Reviewers ought to be asked to drink, smoke, screw, meditate or study algebra before listening.

Future Boy had catchy music and clever rhymes, but he won the fight by having the sense to exploit how our brains process information. As a species, we have had great success in large part due to our brain's ability to predict future events. When we can't predict what's coming, we get interested. At the most base level, this a survival mechanism --

Tension-release can work for the music too, in addition to the lyrics. Even cross that over. But being a survival mechanism, if the tension's too big you get 'flee! or kill!' rather than 'hm explore'. There's other brain tricks too, like familiarity comfort. Dire Straits comes to mind as a subtle blend of comfort and curiosity. And skillful execution.

[roymond]

Tension-release can work for the music too, in addition to the lyrics. Even cross that over. But being a survival mechanism, if the tension's too big you get 'flee! or kill!' rather than 'hm explore'. There's other brain tricks too, like familiarity comfort. Dire Straits comes to mind as a subtle blend of comfort and curiosity. And skillful execution.

That's interesting. I hear Dire Straits and want to either flee or kill someone. Somewhere Darwin is smiling down at us.

[Pet Squirrel]

So this discussion made me go back to PS's song, listen a few times, and do some thinkin'. While I'm using Mr. Squirrel's song as an example, my goal here is broach the topic of how we can use what we've learned from neuropsychology over the last few decades to create more compelling song structures. It will also be the longest review Pet Squirrel is ever likely to receive.

Thanks for this thoroughly informative post. A lot of good stuff in here that I'm definitely going to think about when writing in the future. Its concrete analysis/advice like this that is truly helpful, since its so easy to get lost in the "something's wrong but what the hell is it" realm, especially when analyzing one's own work.

Thanks again!