The terrible joke thread

fluffy · Post by **fluffy** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:06 pm

Did you know that Ian Curtis briefly worked for Hershey's?

He was in charge of the Almond Joy Division.

signboy · Post by **signboy** » Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:12 am

Haha, that's horrible.

How do you piss Winnie the Pooh off?
Stick your finger in his honey.

Billy's Little Trip · Post by **Billy's Little Trip** » Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:59 am

What's the best time to go to the dentist?
At TOOTHHURTY

Märk · Post by **Märk** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:46 am

Q: How does the Catholic Clergy separate the men from the boys?
A: They don't, they just turn a blind eye.

Lord of Oats · Post by **Lord of Oats** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:15 am

Did you hear the one about the deaf guy?

Neither did he.

drë · Post by **drë** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:32 pm

this one was notoriously made famouse by my father years ago...

why is the ocean blue?

...

..
.
because the fishes go "bloooblooobloooo..."

Billy's Little Trip · Post by **Billy's Little Trip** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:57 pm

blooobloooblooo.

JonPorobil · Post by **JonPorobil** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:24 am

What's brown and sticky?

...

...

...

...

...

A stick.

Billy's Little Trip · Post by **Billy's Little Trip** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:06 am

What's black and white and read all over?

A news paper

Yeah, it doesn't translate in text very good.

ujnhunter · Post by **ujnhunter** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 9:15 am

a penguin with a sunburn? you are correct... text doesn't work with homonyms...

JonPorobil · Post by **JonPorobil** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 9:31 am

A blushing zebra.

HeuristicsInc · Post by **HeuristicsInc** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:17 am

Here are two I wrote: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/HeuristicsInc/423067
-bill

Project-D · Post by **Project-D** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:50 pm

I heard somewhere that text doesn't work with homonyms. Still, here goes.

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted.

Say it out loud.

fluffy · Post by **fluffy** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:53 pm

Wow I would have never gotten taht one if you didn't say to say it out loud

signboy · Post by **signboy** » Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:21 am

here's some more that work better said out loud...

what do you call a fish without an eye?
a fsh.

what do you call a bear without an ear?
a b.

Märk · Post by **Märk** » Thu Mar 19, 2009 10:47 am

q: what's red and looks like a blue whale?
a: a red whale

fluffy · Post by **fluffy** » Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:02 pm

Euripides decided to join the modern era and buy some pants, so he went to a clothing store. Being an ancient Greek (ca. 480BC-406BC), he didn't know much about pants-wearing, so he had a hard time figuring out how to put them on. Also due to his ancient Greekness, his toenails tended to be fairly long, sharp, and craggly.

He tried on one pair of pants, and sure enough, his toenails caught on them and tore the legs to shreds. He paid it no mind and simply hung the pants back up on the rack.

He tried on another pair of pants, and the same thing happened. Once again he hung the pants back up.

As he started to put on a third pair, the shopkeeper ran over to him, yelling profanities.

"What's wrong?" asked Euripides.

The shopkeeper gesticulated at the torn-up pants. "Euripides, you pay for dese!"

Billy's Little Trip · Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:37 pm

You rip these, you pay for these? Welp sir, you put that joke in the right place. I just gesticulated at my ASS!

Caravan Ray · Post by **Caravan Ray** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:12 am

fluffy wrote:Euripides decided to join the modern era and buy some pants, so he went to a clothing store. Being an ancient Greek (ca. 480BC-406BC), he didn't know much about pants-wearing, so he had a hard time figuring out how to put them on. Also due to his ancient Greekness, his toenails tended to be fairly long, sharp, and craggly.

He tried on one pair of pants, and sure enough, his toenails caught on them and tore the legs to shreds. He paid it no mind and simply hung the pants back up on the rack.

He tried on another pair of pants, and the same thing happened. Once again he hung the pants back up.

As he started to put on a third pair, the shopkeeper ran over to him, yelling profanities.

"What's wrong?" asked Euripides.

The shopkeeper gesticulated at the torn-up pants. "Euripides, you pay for dese!"

It was better on the first episode of The Young Ones:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Euripides
Euripides who?
Euripides trousers, you pay for dees trousers

(as told by two rat puppets, one of whom was later killed by Vyvian and eaten by his friend)

Caravan Ray · Post by **Caravan Ray** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:15 am

Q: Why can't you find any asprin in the jungle?
A: Parrots eat 'em all

JonPorobil · Post by **JonPorobil** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 6:55 am

Descartes walked into a bar and stared at the drinks on the shelf for quite some time. After a few minutes of his pondering, the barkeep eventually approached him. "What'll it be?" He asked. "A martini? Gin and tonic? Shot of bourbon?"

Descartes shook his head slowly. "I think not," he said.

And then he disappeared.

fluffy · Post by **fluffy** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 8:14 am

Caravan Ray wrote:The shopkeeper gesticulated at the torn-up pants. "Euripides, you pay for dese!"

It was better on the first episode of The Young Ones:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Euripides
Euripides who?
Euripides trousers, you pay for dees trousers[/quote]
I've also seen the punchline as "Euripides trousers, Eumenides trousers"

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