And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

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Henrietta
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Henrietta » Sun Mar 29, 2009 1:41 pm

Manhattan Glutton wrote:your vocals are chilling...


Thank you! :) I was going for 'slightly psycho', but I'll take it. I do agree about the repetitiveness, I might revisit the mix & cut out some redundant bits.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Pigfarmer Jr » Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:14 pm

jast wrote:Pigfarmer Jr -- 12/15
C:3 L:* (not rated; post your lyrics next time to change that) F:3 P:2 (you occasionally stumble over the lyrics. I have this feeling that the BPM keeps changing.) M:2 (I'm not entirely sure about this, but isn't that guitar extremely twangy? Or whatever you call it. Anyway, less highs might have been nice.)


Thank you for the review. I did not realize that we posted the lyric. I have done so now.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby jast » Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:30 pm

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:Thank you for the review. I did not realize that we posted the lyric. I have done so now.

It's not mandatory or anything. I just find it difficult to concentrate on all of the aspects mentioned in my reviews at the same time so I prefer not to review lyrics unless they've been posted.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby MisterQuoons » Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:08 pm

Generic wrote:I figured he was probably referring more to the fakeness of the instruments than the supposed sequencing. When I play "bass" on my keyboard, it still sounds MIDI, even if it's not quantized via sequencing software.


Pigfarmer Jr wrote:As was mentioned it's the tone of the instruments being played. I liked what I heard, but I didn't care for the sounds. It's like when I play my 30 dollar casio keyboard.. the playing may be okay (in my case it isn't) but it still sounds not great.


Okay, I think I understand what you were saying now. For the record, what you're hearing is real guitar and bass, piano synth, GarageBand MIDI drums, and an instrument called a melodica that TC found in his basement. Our amplifiers are pretty basic, so we usually record our guitar and bass through a pre-amp plugged into a laptop, and then add effects through some of the presets that GarageBand has for guitars and stuff. Now that you mention it I suppose it does sound a little bit synthy. I guess it may be time to invest in a slightly better setup.

Manhattan Glutton wrote:Pretty cool blues tune, though probably not the most original.


jast wrote:C:2 (rather generic blues) L:* (not rated; post your lyrics next time to change that)


Yeah, I've always loved the blues, and I love playing the blues, but at the same time I'm painfully aware of how ridiculous it is for someone of my ethnicity and social background to be performing a blues song. Because of that, the idea of some thirteen year old twerp who was sent to juvie for shoplifting singing a blues song about his experiences just struck us as really, really funny. The generic-ness is kind of part of the song concept, I guess.

Lyrics are now posted, BTW.

Manhattan Glutton wrote:Next time work on maybe fusing your blues chops with some experimentation.


Wow, the fact that you think we have blues chops is probably the highest compliment that either of us has ever been paid. Thank you.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Andy Balham » Mon Mar 30, 2009 1:28 am

Manhattan Glutton wrote:ca$ham: Are you using a metronome, or purposely going for the slow/fast effect?

No metronomes were hurt in the making of this song.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Wages » Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:05 pm

My Own Entry (wages)

So yeah, anyone figure out the dual meaning behind the lyrics? :) Which, BTW, are now posted in the lyric archive. Sorry about that. :\

I felt like writing a song, so I looked at Songfight and saw a title... due in 2 days. Well, I'm game. Initially it was going to be a blues tune, but then it started feeling too predictable, so I proceeded to hash out a rock tune. Originally, the song was written on the acoustic tuned down 1/2 step, then I switched to electric and didn't have time to detune, so I recorded in standard tuning (G/Em). That kind of messed me up vocally I think, but listening to it with fresh ears, I think it came out pretty good. All the reviews are spot on.
===========================

Back From Juvie Reviews (or why is cocaine synonymous with kids in jail?)
*If you got 5/5, then you got my vote. When did multi-vote start!?

**Note: These reviews brought to you by The Truth About Missouri. Enjoy the FACTS included between random reviews (like ads!).
-------------------------------
Bourbon Drops, The - You have a nice voice and have done well with just an acoustic. It's too bad there can't be a full group here to fill it out. It's really help it shine. 4/5
Ed: I reviewed this after Steve Durand, but it was out of order alphabetically, so I moved it to the O/D position.

Ca$ham - Very strange lyrics met with strange music. Your voice is familar, but it's been too long, can't quite place it. 2/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: Going to Wal-mart is a favorite pass time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

Deetak - Is this Radiohead making a guest appearance on Flight of the Conchords? In the end, it's got some merit, but not grabbing my attention. 2/5

Drew Styles and the Blue Velvet Band - It's a good demo. I find myself wishing the guitars were a little more in the front of the mix. Your voice has some real good qualities. 3/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: Onced and Twiced are words as in, "He ran 'round twiced 'fo he petered out."

Ford's Theater Disaster - Holy 1960s garage band Batman! If you would mix Drew Styles tune, I'd really appreciate it. Nice solo work. 4/5

IRC BFF - Good Butthole Surfer's quality (that's a compliment!). Nice mix too. 4/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.

Jan Krueger - A welcome break from the '60s garage sound that seems to permiate this fight thus far. I feel like I'm graduating juvie. This would work really well for an offbeat coming-of-age film. 5/5

Jon Eric - Nice happy pop tune. Are you Canadian? In spirit, reminds me of Barenaked Ladies. Yeah. ;) 4/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: Missourians use "fix" as a verb. Example: I'm fixing to go to the store.

LK and MC - Strong bluesy-rock. The quintessential sound of the Memphis in May music festival. Nice mix and solid instruments. My only criticism is that it's too predictable (e.g. too "standard"). 4/5

LSK - Insane nonsense. I'm going to have to have more coffee this morning. How does this tie in whatsoever? 0/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: Missourians think the first day of deer season and the first day of trout fishing are national holidays. In some areas, school may even be closed!

Manhattan Glutton - Hey, I don't remember writing this song! ;) Digging it. Would it be OK if I said I heard a little Weird Al in the voice? Nice post-grunge entry. 5/5

Nigel Clements - Nigel! Makes me want to shove things up an aerosol can. At points, it feels like it drones on a bit plus cocaine reference. 2/5

************REVIEWER INTERJECTED NOTE************
Are we all really cocaine fiends? I suppose cocaine is the biggest method of jailtime for juveniles. Damned drug war.
************AND WE'RE BACK (FROM WORK)***********


Night Elf Mohawk - An odd sounding blues tune. Is that a midi sequencer doing the basic blues crawl? 2/5

Paco del Stinko - Ah, I've missed Paco! I like the jazzy feel of the verse melody. Somehow reminds me of Frank Zappa, but I think that's just the voice. 4/5

************AND WE'RE BACK (FROM WORK AGAIN)***********

Pathetic Wannabees - Want...to...use...your...band name...as...review...but...assume...others already...have. 1/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: "Fixinto" is one word.

Pigfarmer Jr - Pretty good lyrics, although oft predictable. I would have liked to hear a little more variety in the guitar, but overall, no bad. 3/5

Quimby - Nice groove. The vocals remind me of someone. I want to say Sleater-Kinney, but that can't be right. Ug! Anyway, great groove, great vocals. I'm really feeling this. If this was the one vote system, I'd probably be voting for this one. 5/5+
Ed: I think it was Yeah Yeah Yeahs I was reminded of.

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: Missourians have to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

Rone Rivendale - Grates the teeth in less than 15 seconds. When you first said "retarded". I responded, "Yes, that's retarded". But it's so retarded that it had my wife laughing her ass off from the other room. 1/5

Ross Durand - I wonder how many wonderful songs of yours I've missed? I love how you went with Juvie as a town instead of getting out of prison. Very smooth and nice. 5/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

Steve Durand - Love the horns throughout. The solo and lyrics were wonderful too. 5/5

Shanks, The - Very odd music, mostly because of the chosen synth sound I think. I'm digging where you're going with it, but the midi-type sound is not doing it for me. 3/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: Fried Catfish is the other white meat.

Weakest Suit, The - I'd like to hear a full band with this. The first line put me off, but then I enjoyed the rest very much. 4/5

Weather Schedule - Last but not least... I really like your concept. But who are you going to love when you get out of juvie? The Ray Ramono (sic) juvie cop? Sans confusion, pretty good tune. 4/5

****RANDOM FACT ABOUT MISSOURI: The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

Like I said, if you got a 5, you got a vote. Thanks guys!
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby jast » Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:11 pm

Wages wrote:Are we all really cocaine fiends? I suppose cocaine is the biggest method of jailtime for juveniles. Damned drug war.

Absolutely not. My song clearly states that it's not about cocaine but about crack. That's a huge difference.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Paco Del Stinko » Tue Mar 31, 2009 8:27 am

The Bourbon Drops- Diggin' the live feel/sound here. The melodies work well and sound traditional with turns that keep them fresh. Solid arrangement as well, allowing the song the breathe and pace itself nicely. A slicker version of this (not a criticism) would work in a movie soundtrack somewhere and although this set-up of acoustic instruments is fab, the song would work all cow punk, or near whatever you dragged it through.

Ca$ham- Love the progression. The lyrics are excellent as well, twisty turny and cleverly manipulated, and like a turbo charged story seen through blissful narcotic state. Great squiggle guitar as well and I dig the instrument combinations, thinking that they complement each other quite well. The song feels longer than it is, not because it drags by any means, but because it does a lot in short time. Yet still is not noisy. Great tune.

deetak- This is good, weird, fun. With vocals and melody more spacey than creepy, it's the organ sounds that provide any hint of horror movie. I don't know if I want to hear drums in this or not, but first impression was to hear some poundage come in at some point after it gets going. It takes me a few times to get where this is going but it's not so disjointed that you can't keep up. The ending feels abrupt, but I really enjoy this.

Drew Styles & the Blue Velvet Band- I like the bar band feel, the strum into power chords, but the entire delivery is lacking punch. Not Productionfight!, I know. But it's a good demo that carries an easy-going vibe with a catchy singalong chorus. The verses hesitate a bit too long, vocally, I think. How true is this story? Any of it?

Ford's Theater Disaster- This has a nice garage feel to it and holds together well for how it was assembled. I think if anything doesn't fit, it would be the main vocal. Timbre is good and all, but that's the part that sits on top of it all and feels just that: on top, not in it. Regardless, it's not painful or anything. The dark mood is good, lightened by the crowd in the chorus. Poor cat. I think just a couple of BPM more wouldn't have hurt. And that dang Crouton! Him smokes!

IRC BFF- Herr Krueger left a big footprint on this, though I don't know who else is involved in this. Well, Mr. Teplin, I reckon. Very dark, I like it. Some great chord changes and descending bits. Nice heady bridge that provides a welcome respite from the more dense parts of the song. I'd like to hear the drums gallop off at some point, threatening to take the song off a cliff while I hang on in shear terror, but these here are fine. Ahem.

Jan Krueger- Hey, I think this is nice, especially for a quickie. I don't know that you have a formula for how you produce your songs, but this impresses to a dolt like me who would have to labor to get half of this done even half right. Nice song with a bittersweet feel captured in both mood and lyrical content. Poor bastard, forgotten by all but the dregs. Nice.

Jon Eric- Spirit of Springsteen. Love the upbeat jaunt and optimistic feel despite edgy lyrics. Nice catchy chorus and super delivery, you might consider incorporating this into your live repertoire, having the crowd actually sing along where you do in here. At least the SF! crowd will, and wouldn't that be good fun? Anyway, cheery tune that has nothing but smile inducing appeal. Good fun.

LK and MC- Soundtrack to an 80's B-movie. I don't see that as a bad thing necessarily. But that chorus just begs to have credits flash over it with scenes of letter jacket wearing fools running from the law, shock faced teacher types. I like the guitar lead, but it just steps right in and right out, doesn't it? "Hello, here I am, whoops, gotta go!" I enjoy the tune but can't tell how much is meant as parody or not. Nice craftsmanship, for sure.

LSK- I like when the organ comes in and can appreciate the screams, to a point, but too many/much of them/that. The silent pause was fun as well, but this doesn't bear repeat more than once or twice, unless I feel like punching myself.

Manhattan Glutton- Nice menace here and the chinka-chinka guitar is great. The power chorus is just that, and very good. I like the idea of the bridge breakdown stuff, but feels it could use a little more snap, delivery or performance wise. Nice recovery though. and the intensity of the song is heightened nicely afterwards. Intro and outro are both tops, as well. Very good song, well balanced, just missing the face punch of the well intentioned bridge.

Nigel Clements- I like the can can play. The chorus has a nice hook, but it lets you go a little too quickly. I like the builds here and was pleasantly surprised by the quiet bridge, expecting a drastic key change and roar. Well, something like that, anyway. Vocals are better than they've ever been but like me, always have a wobble to them. Open arrangement lets the song breathe, which is nice.

Night Elf Mohawk- Sleazarific. The voice makes me smile, it sounds pitch altered, but then doesn't. Maybe a castrato or something. The production is wet and dry in the right places, for this tune, and is well done. Sounds like something somebody would strip to in a Russ Meyer flick.

Paco del Stinko- I wanted to avoid using groovy as a rhyme, as cheaply tempting as it is. I like the bridge with its pinky stretching power chords, bass forming the full chord. I did the lead vocal whilst drinking a bottle of wine and was nearly shithouse by the time it was done.

Pathetic Wannabees- Sloppy rock, but great fun. If I could do the swim and other appropriate dance moves, I'd bust'em out for this. Needs a skanky fuzz-tone solo right after the scream at the end which I'd be glad to apply if I ever did a cover of this song. I also understand that I am not in a position to capture that magic by myself. A fave of the fight for sure.

Pigfarmer Jr- I thought you were Ross Durand for the first couple of syllables. Good energy and sincere delivery although some of it feels too serious, and might make the threatened party roll their eyes a bit. I hit repeat as soon as the song was done and noticed how the tempo had picked up during the song. Just an observation, and understandable, certainly. This works well on its own and would also be fine with a full rock band treatment as well.

Quimby- There's a lot of sunny feel in this but countered by a constantly lurking dark side as well. Besides lurking in the basement, that is. I like the contrasts and conflicting moods. The pausing drums work well, I think carried by the rubbery rhythm lines on top of them. The bridge is neat with its brassy accents coming in and then the electro swirly thingy, again with the mood changes. Not a catchy sing-a-longer, but a fave this fight.

Rone Rivendale- I wish either me or Denyer had gotten a hold of these lyrics prior to the fight, just to see what would have happened. I would have submitted it as Cockload. Anyway, I like the vocal sounding guitar and the nightmarish feel of some the mood supplied by the keys. But this is messy arrangement and delivery-wise. The guitar at the end is disturbing, so points for that.

Ross Durand- Nice story song that you do so well. Mature, which I dare not label myself as. What a nice recording as well, you have to have my favorite Songfight!, and fave in general, acoustic sounds. This song doesn't feel as long as it says it is, not that 2:22 is long and when it ends it feels like a set-up for a scene in a movie or something. Very nice.

The Shanks- I like the DEVO throb but not the Euro-disco part as much. Cool little mini epic as well probably done in a short time, being easy for whoever the brains is/are behind this. Actually, on replay I like the Euro-disco part better, so there. Fun tune.

Steve Durand- Oh, this blows my mock-jazz feel away. Snazzy and hip. Great work on the tempo and rhythm changes and the overall mood is quite effective with an implied back alley at night feel. Some of the horn phrases sound tv show themeish, but go as quickly as they come. The vocal works but lacks a bit of pizazz in the delivery. What can you do though? Where are the slinky torch singers when you need them? Great tune though.

Wages- Missouri factoid: musicians in the Show Me State don't use drums or bass. But it's still good when they come around. Adventurous tune as far as where it goes arrangement-wise. I like the heady bridge section best and it returns to the earthy crunch section quite well. I was hoping that your pitch would improve while you were off gallivanting and it appears to be true. Strong tune.

The Weakest Suit- Catchy, if begging for a pounding rhythm section. Yeah, a song doesn't need bass, drums, etc., but this one sounds like you hear it in your head and hit the solo button or something. Nice melody and current lyrics that work well.

Weather Schedule- Ha, sounds like Waitresses vocals a bit there. This is good fun and plenty catchy. The guitars and guitar sounds are nice and scruffy. But I like the progression in the verses a lot and the "...I am gonna love you" line gets me all filled up with anticipation. Do you need a ride home? Meow! Good tune and a fave this week.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby jast » Tue Mar 31, 2009 12:22 pm

Paco del Stinko wrote:Jan Krueger- Hey, I think this is nice, especially for a quickie. I don't know that you have a formula for how you produce your songs

Sorry, I don't. I would gladly share the formula if I had it. I don't really know what I'm doing.
Great to have you back in reviews, by the way!
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby IRC BFF » Tue Mar 31, 2009 12:23 pm

Paco Del Stinko wrote:IRC BFF- Herr Krueger left a big footprint on this, though I don't know who else is involved in this.

Time to 'fess up, perhaps? Lineup in IRC nicknames: mikelamb on bass. reve on drums. Ross and jast on acoustic guitar. Teplin and jast on electric guitar (mostly Teplin, though). generic on keys and jast on fake keys. ujn and jast on vocals. reve on woodwinds. Lyrics by jast, with several very good suggestions by (mainly) irwin and Steve. Music by jast. Arrangement (and several compositional details) by everyone.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby signboy » Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:29 pm

Wages wrote:Manhattan Glutton - Hey, I don't remember writing this song! ;) Digging it. Would it be OK if I said I heard a little Weird Al in the voice? Nice post-grunge entry. 5/5

You're not alone. I showed some of the fight "highlights" to a non-songfight'n friend, and he thought Manhattan Glutton actually WAS Wierd Al. :lol:
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Pigfarmer Jr » Tue Mar 31, 2009 2:21 pm

Paco Del Stinko wrote:
Pigfarmer Jr- I thought you were Ross Durand for the first couple of syllables. Good energy and sincere delivery although some of it feels too serious, and might make the threatened party roll their eyes a bit. I hit repeat as soon as the song was done and noticed how the tempo had picked up during the song. Just an observation, and understandable, certainly. This works well on its own and would also be fine with a full rock band treatment as well.


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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby nyjm » Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:02 pm

Paco Del Stinko wrote:Ford's Theater Disaster- This has a nice garage feel to it and holds together well for how it was assembled. I think if anything doesn't fit, it would be the main vocal. Timbre is good and all, but that's the part that sits on top of it all and feels just that: on top, not in it. Regardless, it's not painful or anything. The dark mood is good, lightened by the crowd in the chorus. Poor cat. I think just a couple of BPM more wouldn't have hurt. And that dang Crouton! Him smokes!


200 BPM isn't fast enough? Wow. I guess we could try...

You (and several others) have really nailed it about the vox and the mix. What I really like about this tune (besides the ever-so-epic solo Big Crouton provided) is the reverb on the whole thing. It sounds like it was recorded in a garage and that's exactly what I've been going for the whole time. However, now that I've listened to the tune more on my (albeit crappy) speakers at work instead of my bass-heavy headphones at home, the mix needs the following tweaks:

1) pull all the vox down at least a notch and take the reverb effect off the lead

2) conversely, pull the guitars up a notch. Maybe double-track the straight-up guit on the left channel at places for a fatter sound. Maybe just some EQ.

3) punch the bass a little more. I was so afraid of muddying things that State Shirt's great driving bass gets lost.

No, what I'd really like for the peanut gallery is some tips about how to EQ this thing. Gain levels are easy. Tweaking EQ is not my forte.

Been listening to the tunes at work this week pretty much non-stop. Reviews coming once I get some more lesson plans out of the way.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Manhattan Glutton » Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:36 pm

nyjm wrote:No, what I'd really like for the peanut gallery is some tips about how to EQ this thing. Gain levels are easy. Tweaking EQ is not my forte.


If you really want to be a mixing snob (which I am not since I'm far too lazy), you can do a spectral analysis of all the tracks and the final mix. Fill in holes in the final mix's spectrum, and make holes for things you want to stand out.

PS: Not so sure how I feel about sounding like Weird Al.
Last edited by Manhattan Glutton on Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby aallen » Tue Mar 31, 2009 6:11 pm

[quote=Drew Styles & the Blue Velvet Band- I like the bar band feel, the strum into power chords, but the entire delivery is lacking punch. Not Productionfight!, I know. But it's a good demo that carries an easy-going vibe with a catchy singalong chorus. The verses hesitate a bit too long, vocally, I think. How true is this story? Any of it? [/quote]

I assure you its all fiction! :twisted: I hope to find time in the next few days to contribute reviews. Thanks to those who have had kind things to say and even to those who have had less than kind things to say. All critiques help out in the end.
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Generic » Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:17 pm

Reviews! In random order, for once, with myself at the end by design. Listened to all the songs on studio can headphones.

Ca$ham - The melody is pure Cashpoint. Not sure I like how the lyrics fit into them; feels a bit too wordy. The whole arrangement feels like it's about to come undone at any moment, but it hangs in there. Right after the chorus, that little descending organ line feels like it's a beat off. The bridge isn't nearly as catchy as the rest of the song. That might be the element that keeps you from getting a vote... I don't know, something about this isn't grabbing me. I think it's the lyrics. They're too obvious. Sorry.

Weakest Suit - I like the snarkiness of your lyrics, but it really feels like you just knocked this out in fifteen minutes. Lyrics need more rhyming. Or less, maybe. But point is, this needs more structure, more catchiness, more thought put into it.

Manhatton Glutton - I wish I hadn't read those other reviews before writing this one. I didn't hear the Weird Al comparison until it was pointed out, but now it's about all I can hear. More in the verses than the chorus. I like the harmonies. I think the Metallica comparison comes from the bass. Bot sure, but the bass sounds huge and awesome, just rumbling menacingly under the mix. I think you need a touch more compression on your vocals, maybe double-track them in the verses; they sound a bit weak in the mix, at least during the parts where there's no harmony. Strong instrumental section + weak vocals = unpolished sound. Might get a vote anyway, though.

Ford's Theater Disaster - My wife digs your band name. This should have been a little bit faster. As previously mentioned, I like your lyrics. Philosophical asside: if the correctional system makes the problem worse, then how does one punish a recalcitrant youth? Oh well. Bass works really well. The guitars maybe should be a bit crunchier, and the drums a little lower in the mix. I'm no mixing expert, but something feels just a little off. I wish your chorus were more melodic. Maybe a vote?

Steve Durand - Great-sounding horns. Sounding a bit rough around those tempo changes. I kind of want to hear your voice get more menacing around the "We'll have a good time then" line, and its counterparts in the other "choruses." Great trumpet solo. Good melody, too. I like the story and everything. Just feels like the vocals needed a bit more oomph to them. I know you hate to hear that because your voice is the one thing you can't change, but maybe you could futz with things like effects and double-tracking? Gets a vote anyway.

Deetak - I can't tell whether you're getting more accessible, or if I'm just getting used to you. When the synths start up, I lose total track of what you're saying. Can't get a word of it. I've noticed that this is a consistent problem with your songs. I bet if I listened to this a few more times, the melody would really crawl around under my skin. Your voice sounds like Pete Yorn in the parts with the lower vocal double-tracked. I'm thinking about voting for this one. Leaning towards yes, but I'd like to piece together more of the lyrics before I commit.

Jan Krueger - Pachelbel, anyone? If I were you, I would have been satisfied with the not-so-secret side project. That's a far better song, and this feels rushed. In the IRC room, you claimed to have never heard Pachelbel's Canon, but the "instrumental" break in this song seems directly lifted from the canon. That's weird, but whatever.

Quimby - Sultry and sleek. Is that a delay effect on your vocal, or a double-tracked vocal? It adds that air of menace that I've been referring to in above reviews (Manhatton Glutton, Ford's Theater Disaster). Also, the repeated lines, the harmonies, the filtered vocals, the reverb/echo effects. They all combine into this presence that makes the whole song feel very tight and professional. That slinky bassline works well with the mood being evoked here. This is a clear and obvious vote. Great work!

IRC BFF - I didn't really like this song the first time I heard it. There wasn't enough structure to hang onto. Still, the pure excess in this track is contagious, from the all-over-the-place structure to the seriously over-the-top lyrics -- planning world destruction over Juvie? It really grew on me, though I can see why other people would have a problem with the structure, as there are no verses, just several different bridges and a periodic chorus. The switch from 8/8 to 6/8 is great, but the switch back to 8/8 is my favorite part. My main complaint with the final version is the lyrics... kill you/grill you is a little lame. Oh well. I'm voting for this, and rest assured that it's not just because of my organ in the second half.

Drew Styles & the Velvet Band - No money in pot? Seriously? I didn't think it was feasible to sell coke without actually doing any yourself? Don't buyers want to know it's good, or something? Oh well. I'm picking at plotholes because I don't hear anything wrong with the mix. The vocals could maybe use a little more reverb, but I like the almost-inaudible doubled vocal. There's a third verse here, but I think the song would be better served by a bridge in the same spot. Perhaps with a different side of the story? I'll give this a couple more listens before deciding whether to vote.

LSK - Oww. I mean... OWW! Well, this is my fault, I guess. I knew what I was clicking on.

Rone Rivendale - I've already commented on the vocals. Whatever you're doing there, keep it up. Now, as to the rest of it. Your sound, in my experience, is characterized by these rough atonal chords and chromatic noodling on the guitar. This makes it very unpleasant to listen to, and I also think it's making it more difficult for you to find your own melody. These buzzing synths, for instance, sound like they have four consecutive notes in them, sustained. This creates jarring wavelength mismatches which are empyrically unpleasant to the ear. Someone above suggested you study some scales, and if you don't know much music theory, that might be a good idea. Learn a few chord families and try starting from there.

Wages - Great guitar playing. I just wish there were other instruments involved here. There sounds like some kind of intereference getting in the way of the guitar sounds periodically; bad cord? Nice vocals, though. I seem to remember you not normally being this under control of your own melody. There was no metronome involved in the making of this song, was there? I think the tempo sounds uneven. Wish there was a fuller arrangement here. Oh well. Get yourself a collaborator, stat!

Nigel Clements - These lyrics are ridiculous. Catchy chorus. Not sure I dig whatever instrument is providing that percussion in the background, on every beat. You also sound off-key in the second verse. That would have been fixed with more practice. I like the bridge. The tamorine, oddly enough, is what makes it for me. What's with all the references to crack this week? There are other ways to get into juvie, you know. Ah well.

The Bourbon Drops - I like that band name. The opening chords reminded me a little bit of "No Woman No Cry." The good deeds described in the lyrics are so over-the-top that it sounds like self-delusion until it becomes clear that they're actually a Monte-Cristo-style revenge plot. It's interesting, the difference pointed out here between morality and legality. The character here clearly thinks there's nothing wrong with getting her revenge. Interesting. Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and pretend that the harmony in the last line is tighter, because it's the only thing standing between this song and greatness. Voted.

Pigfarmer Jr. - Isn't a farmer of pigs actually a rancher? Anyway. Remember all those discussions about prosody? Wow. These lyrics sound so forced into their melody. For instance: "What did I do / To deserve," etc. Almost all the rhymes sound really forced. Maybe next time, try to do a couple more edits of your lyrics before you sing? The guitar sounds great, though. Is that an acoustic-electric?

Weather Schedule - I think this song relies a bit too heavily on the samples. There's not much else going on there. The singing is nice, and I like the bassline, but overall, it feels like so much filler, not enough song.

Night Elf Mohawk - Are the vocals pitch-shifted up? If so, why? They're distractingly high and fake-sounding. Like Ween in "Push th'Little Daisies." I like that guitar and harp solos, though. The lyrics feel over-the-top, but I guess that's the point, isn't it? At least the crime involved isn't something like dealing crack. Stealing a 40. I can dig it, man. You cool.

Ross Durand - I've got nothing to teach you about guitar playing or recording. I think the mispronunciation and childish misinterpretation of "Juvie" is too cute for my taste. This'll be the first time in a while that I won't be voting for you. Keep doing your thing; I'm sure I'll be into your next song again.

The Shanks - The band name gives me pause. I'm listening on some really good headphones, and the buzzy synth bass is making something strange happen in my throat. Science is strange, eh? What's with the "I'm a billy goat" line? Kind of silly. Taking some influence from Electric Six, are we? Juvenile Hall is not a high security prison, and I think your lyrics would be better if they didn't conflate the two. Still, I can't deny that this track is funky fresh and danceable. Nice work on creating this groove. Work on the lyrics and you'll be a contender.

The Pathetic Wannabes - Getting into the groove! Awoooooooo! Unforunately, I can't understand all your lyrics. I think maybe you don't either, when we get to that primal scream in the middle of the second chorus. I'm liking the crunchiness of the riff and the organ noodling in there. The screaming is awesome. Might vote, not sure.

LK+MC - I like the cadence of the lyrics. Great singing throughout, especially in the chorus. The drums are a touch too loud, I think, but other than that, the mix is really clean. I like the lyrics. No real criticisms. Voted.

Paco del Stinko - The swinging hat seems a tad off in the first four measure. I love the menacing quality of your voice here. When the guitars kick in for the chorus, it's not unexpected, but highly anticipated. You're so into the vocals here, and I'm loving it. A great balance of styles. An obvious vote, and my predicted winner this week. Great work!

Jon Eric - I'm very pleased with how this turned out, though I feel a little guilty about the good reviews this has been getting, since I put less work into this than any other Songfight song I've done in recent memory. The new recording interface made everything feel very easy, and it really made the sound of the guitar and my voice just pop like never before. The guitar is two takes, spliced right before the first-verse vocals come in, and the vocals are mostly first-takes (the hardest part, believe it or not, was that "yeah" at the very end). The bass is courtesy of my Korg. Then it was just a matter of taming the mighty eggshaker and snapping my fingers raw. I'm glad everyone has responded positively to it so far, thanks for the feedback!

I'll post one more time with my final vote card sometime before the end of the fight. Good job, everyone!
"Warren Zevon would be proud." -Reve Mosquito

Jon Eric - Get your feel on.
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The Weakest Suit
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby The Weakest Suit » Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:15 pm

Generic wrote:Weakest Suit - I like the snarkiness of your lyrics, but it really feels like you just knocked this out in fifteen minutes. Lyrics need more rhyming. Or less, maybe. But point is, this needs more structure, more catchiness, more thought put into it.

you are right, more or less. except for the repeating 2 chords at the beginning, the rest of the song (lyrics and chords) was completely improvised while recording (live).
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Nigel (spOOn) Clements » Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:44 am

The Bourbon Drops: Sounds like a kind of stripped down something, I do like the 'casio' effect that comes in for the chorus, it's an extremely nice effect, vocals are good as usual though a little lacking in something (unsure as to what!), all in all a very nice track in a moldy peaches vein!

Ca$ham: Always enjoy the authentic cashpoint vocals and 'clever - witty' lyrical adventures, references to Popeye, GTA, Goonies, etc... make this an extremely entertaining 'steam engine' of a track, (Rhythmic hisses and wheezes), Vote!

Deetak: Thought this was going down Hoosiers (sub-ELO) territory for a moment, though never strays too far from 'comic opera', very well done, though not something that'd enjoy too many repeated listens.

Drew Styles & Blue Velvet Band: Rather cliched lyrics in places, nice pub-rock sound, tends to sit underneath being noticeable, and above boring, thought when the chorus kicked in, it'd go all supersonic, rather than soggy firework.

Ford's Theater Disaster: Not much to say here, apart from, Vote!

IRC BFF: A bit Tenacious D, meets the 70's prog rock survival tour, excellently played, produced, etc.. in fact this is one of the most professional sounding tracks I've ever heard here, I'd say the band could do with a 'bigger' song, this is album filler material. so many good things going on, but nothing really seems to catch fire!

Jan Krueger: Worm Quartet meets the Batchelors (now there's a blast from the past!), nice harmonies going on there make me smile, slips by after losing the early appeal.

Jon Eric: Maybe I've said this before, maybe not, but with a touch more humour you could easily forge quite a following via sites like Fump! you have a definate style that would sit easily with Dr. Demento fraternity (i believe), Possible Vote!

Michael Cotruvo: Awesome track, should pull in many many votes.

LSK: Brilliant a song about falling down stairs.... congratulations for being different!

Manhattan Glutton: Lacks the bite of previous entries, and feels a little forced, still well within your comfort zone, with nicely controlled vocals, a bit long if anything, takes a bit of the gloss off.

Me: I like it!

Night Elf Mohawk: Sounds sleezy and drunk, not sure if I can get through nearly four minutes of this, sorry, the whole bluesy thing is admirable, but something is really grating here with me.... sorry!

Paco del Stinko: Now this is better, 'loosey goosey'. Vote!

Pathetic Wannabees: Sounds very Octothorpey, strangely compelling.... Possible Vote!

Pigfarmer Jr: Lyrically this sounds so forced, rather cliched, musically competent if a little uninspiring.

Quimby: The instrumentation around the vocalist is pure nectar, Vote!

Rone Rivendale: I prefer LSK's screaming to this, sorry Rone, I don't hear anything different from previous entries.

Ross Durand: As always, I could listen to your stuff all day, simply brilliant, Vote!

Shanks: Like the laughter sample intro, love the doubled up vocal effect, hahahaha at the "I'm a billy goat" line totally fun track, that'd get my vote if it was only a little longer... Possible Vote!

Steve Durand: Typically SD track, that oozes smooth, I can say nothing that I havent said before without showing up my lack of knowledge... Possible Vote!

Wages: Welcome back Phil, sounds like you had a good idea at the last minute and thought "what the heck, I haven't submitted to Songfight! for ages" this is a good track that probably needs finishing.

Weakest Suit: Takes a little too long to get going, and also suffers from a lack of extra instrumentation, but a good idea nontheless.

Weather Schedule: I have no idea who you are, but this is excellent, please come with a big sing-a-long chorus, okay maybe not so big, but cool.... definate Vote!
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby jackfrost » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:32 pm

The Bourbon Drops – The instrumentation is charming, but I don’t buy for a second that the girl singing even knows what juvie is. The disparity between the vocal delivery and the lyrics coupled with the “heard it a million times” melody turn what could have been a charming song into a boring insincere drag.

Ca$ham – At first I didn’t like the fast verses, slow choruses thing, but I find that I dig it more on future listens. This is a song with it’s own voice and style. It ends very abruptly, though. Every time I listen, I think Deetak’s song is still yours. But I like that it does not do what I think it should and just ends where it needs to. Vote.

Deetak – I can’t understand the mumbly lyrics. The simple fact is that there are no dynamics in this song. It’s all a wash of the same tone. I don’t get it. Sorry. I wanted to.

Drew Styles – This one sounds like a classic rock track. Very well written, but the production leaves a bit to be desired. The hook is great, though, and the song is well written.

Ford’s Theatre Disaster – This is another rocker, but with much better production. This is almost punk and also has a killer hook.

IRC BFF – Three great songs in a row? Another great chorus and this one also has a great change-up bridge thingy.

Jan Krueger – Dooood. Awesomeness. The acapella-ness reemphasizes the barren existence of the character post juvie. The lack of instrumentation adds a whole new layer of depth to the lyrics. Very well done indeed. Enthusiastic vote!

Jon Eric – It sounds like you’re building up to a “Bad Bad Leroy Brown” type song, but then the chorus gets double-talky, which I like better because I wasn’t expecting it. The fast chorus melody is very “heard it a million times” and the part where you stop yourself and act like you are catching yourself from saying something seems real fake. That and the last chorus with the louder than necessary extra vocals brings this one just short of a vote.

LK and MC – Another above average rocker. After the other three rockers above, these are all starting to blend together for me. Sorry.

LSK – fuck you.

Manhattan Glutton – This one is very well played, but like someone else said before, the vocals in the chorus really sound like Weird Al parodying a Slipknot song (especially the “Don’t lecture me-YAH!!! Fuck your authority-YAH!!!”). I like the production, but the vocal delivery just screams “fake tough guy”.

Nigel Clements – Great lyrics and great song. This one has all the sincerity the previous song seemed to lack. The only thing I don’t like are the oh-oh-oh-oh repeat one syllable parts. It seems like you’re just going for it and hoping they are in tune. It’s nice to hear you without Cynthia. Enthusiastic vote!

Night Elf Mohawk – I have always subscribed to the notion that songfight should exclude blues songs. The music is already written. The melody is already written. Where is the creativity? The singer also sounds like she is singing out her range. A few vocal lessons could do wonders to finding her proper singing voice. Other than that, I can’t find anything here. I just keep hearing the 60’s Batman theme. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batatatatatatatatatata…Batman!

Paco Del Stinko – Vote! Vote! Vote! Best chorus of the fight.

Pathetic Wannabees – Fuck melody and singing in tune. I can respect that, but the stumbly (unintentional?) tempo changes between the verses and the choruses throw me out of the song faster than the too-loud chorus utterances. This may be a fun song, but not this recording.

Pigfarmer, Jr. – Nice G + G. I don’t really like the “electrified” acoustic guitar sound. It sounds pretty artificial.

Quimby – This song has something that the first song doesn’t. The sweet singing voice is more convincing. Maybe because the instrumentation is “stranger”. This is very imaginative. Your voice always reminds me of Tanya Donnelly (which is a complete compliment). Vote! Vote!

Every time I try to listen through, I get skippy right around here and end up at the last song.

Weather Schedule – The main vocal delivery is very Kim Deal (minus the sexy raspiness) in places. I love the concept at work here. Great production to boot. Vote! Vote!
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Rone Rivendale
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Rone Rivendale » Wed Apr 01, 2009 3:26 pm

Umm, forget someone?
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Wages
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Wages » Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:06 pm

Rone Rivendale wrote:Umm, forget someone?


Forget someone else? :)
Wages - Hoglen & Wages - The Affirmative Mention - Gawking Urethras - The EAF - and more
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Re: And all I got was this lousy jumpsuit (Back From Juvie)

Postby Manhattan Glutton » Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:33 pm

jackfrost wrote:the vocals in the chorus really sound like Weird Al parodying a Slipknot song (especially the “Don’t lecture me-YAH!!! Fuck your authority-YAH!!!”).

Huh, after one take I kept it because I thought it sounded Green Day-ish. I guess I can hear the Weird Al in the other stuff, though. For the record, I am not a Slipknot fan. Or a Weird Al fan, for that matter. Or Metallica...

jackfrost wrote:I like the production, but the vocal delivery just screams “fake tough guy”.

Yeah, but really, what do you expect from a song called "Back From Juvie"? :) There ain't no tough guyz who make music on their computers in the dead of night!
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