I'll Crush You With My Crushing Reviews (Crush Reviews)

[wages]

Wages One-take Tommy. Eh, I've been more impressed with your other work.

I figured that is how my reviews would be. I wrote this little poem and set it to music, but wasn't able to get it beyond this point. I debated as to whether I would even submit it, but dammit, I put the effort into writing it, so it might as well go up.

[Kapitano]

Most people hate the bright yellow. I'm planning on making it a very light yellow to fix that, but haven't got around to making new icons, banners, & etc yet. I don't try to make a profit & do it for myself so I've been in no hurry. Remember that isn't my review. Mine will be posted in about 8 hours.

You know the kind of person who throws insults at you, then says "No offence" or "Sorry but I'm just being honest", trying to make out they meant it constructively? The kind who gets off on being a jerk but genuinely can't understand why everyone says they're a jerk? That's the guest reviewer.

The blog itself looks interesting - yellow wallpaper and all. I'll certainly be checking back. Just one thing, while you're fixing things - can you make it so it displays more than one post per page?

[Lord of Oats]

I don't know where to actually post this, so it'll be here for now.

I tag mp3's compulsively. I also string my songfight entries together into albums...none of which are necessarily complete yet, but...I've given careful thought to how a given song is going to end, based on the way I think the next one will start. And I always tag this crap so people know what's going on...sort of...

So JUST IMAGINE my SHOCK and HORROR when I discovered that my last two submissions have not been properly tagged. After a touch of fiddling, I've discovered what happened. There's a glitch that is causing my software to display tags that are not actually there. As this is technically 'my fault,' I didn't feel comfortable posting in Quality Control. But as I thought my software was doing things it wasn't doing, I will contend that it is at least partially 'not my fault,' and I hereby beg for grace and forgiveness, and like...being allowed to re-submit a file or two that are identical to the ones already there, albeit properly tagged.

[Spintown]

The blog itself looks interesting - yellow wallpaper and all. I'll certainly be checking back. Just one thing, while you're fixing things - can you make it so it displays more than one post per page?

Thanks for the kind words. I would like to make it display more then 1 post & it's done easy enough. However in the past when I had it that way I got a lot of complaints about "load time". A lot of the time I'm posting multiple videos & stuff, so having multiple posts on 1 page annoyed a lot of people. I recently expanded the blog so that a lot of the content isn't on the main page (hence the new buttons at the top), so I'll consider trying to allow more posts displayed on the main page. The other 3 sections of the blog will probably remain as is.

Sammy isn't really a bad guy, but he does sort of welcome backlash with his reviews. His last review of "Song Fu", a competition similar to Song Fight, had a similar effect. Some people liked the honesty despite how brutal & mean it seems, and some didn't like it at all. If you would like to talk to Sammy about his review you can contact him at "Too Much Awesome".

http://toomuchawesome.ning.com/profile/SammyKablam

He's a member, as am I, and it's a site that serves a similar purpose as this one. It's for musicians & fans to communicate & collab. A lot of Song Fu vets hang out there, and at least 1 Song Fight member that I know of.

[Spud]

I like yellow:

http://www.freeman-wetzel.com/
http://www.workshop3d.com/stargate/

SPUD

[Spintown]

I like yellow:

So do I, but a lot of people complain about being blinded.

[Caravan Ray]

THanks for the reviews Sammy - and nice pick up!

Your name is astounding in its stupidity. Especially because it's misspelled.

This is a disaster Spud!!! My credibility as an artiste is on the line here! Sure - I know I put an extra apostrophe in my email - but I am a busy man, I don't have time to proof-read. Don't you have quality control people looking for this sort of thing? How can I carry on my work redefining modern music for the new millennium if I have to check punctuation too!

Anyway - let's hope this travesty has been picked up in time to prevent 2 slightly differently punctuated band name versions ending up in the archive.

Let's go with Give Our Regards to the Earth's Core - as used previously

[Caravan Ray]

Though Give Our Regard's to the Earths Core does have a certain ring to it. It's sort of tells the world - "yeah, I all punk and hardcore and stuff, and I will put my apostophes wherever I jolly well want to"

[Caravan Ray]

Earth's Core
4 chords the whole song. That's all I can say

I know, I know. More than 3 chords is wankery. But sometimes I like to show off.

[Spud]

Here's the problem, C.R.

The way that the votes are tracked is that your band name is actually written into a file when someone votes. If I change the name now, you will lose all the votes that you may have gotten so far. Is it really worth it?

-edit: I just checked, and only your mum has voted for you so far, so that's only one vote lost in the effort to restore your credibility as an Artiste. DONE.

[Spud]

On the other hand, I just checked the archive, and that's more than a quarter of the votes that you usually get in any give fight - oops.

[Caravan Ray]

That's just plain spooky. My mum always hated my music when she was alive. Why is she voting for me now?

[eaandm]

Wait...WHAT!!? Parents can vote! THIS changes everything! I might just win this sucker!

[Teplin]

My favorite thing about this fight is the cover art. Nice work Teplin! You should make a series of drawings with that tentacled monster, he's awesome.

Thanks Lunkhead!

[JonPorobil]

Wait...WHAT!!? Parents can vote! THIS changes everything! I might just win this sucker!

How many parents do you have?

[Spintown]

Ok, my review is up now. I don't really go into detail about why I liked songs, I just pick my favorites & sometimes add a note or 2. You'll have to scroll down to see them, because I made a rather lengthy post about Song Fu.

http://spintown79.blogspot.com/2010/01/ ... of-fu.html

[stateshirt]

hey y'all... i put together a video for my songfight entry. now i'm off to go get my parents to vote for me.

[Spintown]

I really enjoyed your video. Matter of fact I'm going to go back and include the video in my Song Fight blog. Mad props.

[ujnhunter]

How much did it cost you to get Tom Petty to wheel around in a shopping cart?

Oh, I'm just teasing you! Cool video!

[Kapitano]

Reviews, part 1...

Benjamin Sturdevant

Scratchy guitar strumming...scratchy voice to go with it. Could use a little variation in the strumming pattern - in the absence of anything more to hold the attention.

The way a lot of people here feel about electronic music, the way I feel about boy-and-guitar - I don't dislike it as a genre, it's just most of the time it doesn't engage me.

Berkeley Social Scene

Rhythm guitar sounds like it was recorded for a different song. It's in tune and in time but...you know how most mashups sound? Bits of two songs that almost but not quite go together? That's how the guitar sounds to me.

Same for the guitar solos at 1:50. Is there a latency issue with the recording?

Blues Manufacturing Facility

Presumably you think you have a sense of humour. And this song is it.

Boltoph

Lovely clean sound - guitar, cymbals, bass, boxy drums. Vocal harmonies come in at just the right point. In fact the whole things builds up expertly.

Great dreamy psychadelic sound...segueing into something progrock/folky. One of the increasing number of SF entries that I can listen to and forget that they're SF.

Cain and Prosthetic Limp

The now familiar sound of beatbox and lofi guitars. It's an odd but effective combination.

Chopped Meat Liver God

Beatboxes make for quick, easy demos. But they also make for drums that don't fit with the instruments and voices. I don't mean they fight musically or rhythmically - they don't. I mean it sounds like the drums are recorded in one room, and the rest in another.

Process your drums if you can - even just a bit of reverb. Will make the mix "cohere" more.

Deja Vu and Vertigo

Now I know what a song designed by committee sounds like.

The synthstrings, the thumping kick, the voice, the various other synth sounds - they all sound good on their own, but it sounds like they've been drawn randomly from a box of good sounds and stacked one on top of the other.

The same for the song structure - it's...a series of unrelated good ideas placed one after the other.

This is meant to be constructive criticism. Hopefully it'll be taken as such.

Dickhammer

See Blues Manufacturing Facility.

EA and M

It's deep house!

The whole thing sounds muffled - not just the voices, the piano and beat. Bad mixing desk, or an overthusiastic attempt to make it mellow?

Explino!

Sharp sounding guitars, sharp sounding drums.

The sound of the voice goes well with the genre. "The call it a crush for a reason, it feels just like there's something inside squeezing" - good lyrics.

Just the right length.

Give Our Regards to the Earth's Core

Surf-rock guitars with...congas. And...vocals from an emo-punk band.

Needs more invention from 1:50, instead of just repeating the chorus.

The Interchangables

It's 1968 again. The flowers and dropping out part, not the revolutionary politics part.

Voice pitch drifts somewhat too much. Panned harmonies are good though, when they stay in tune.

Nearly 4 minutes? A bit long for something so stripped down.

IP

With the rhythm guitar panned left in the first two minutes, it needs something panned right to balance. Nice highpitched organ at the end.

James Owens

...and speaking of panning....

It's a pretty good song, well played, well recorded...fucked up be some moron of an engineer giving us voice hard right and strumming hard left. Headache inducing. Don't do it!

That was the major gripe. The minor one is the voice cracks trying to reach the high note around 1:00. And "Your feelings for the teacher are a pile of mush"...?

Joesf Frank

It's the soundtrack of a horror movie! Not John Carpenter - he's a minimalist - but something tangentially inspired by his stuff.

...and a kick drum from a 90s house track at 1:50? Then the rest of the percussion at 2:15? I liked it better before it got a dance beat.

Unlike certain people, I've got nothing against instrumentals. I think the point of music is to sound good, not to convey some message in the lyrics. But this does go on about two minutes too long.

Kapitano (Me!)

Exploring my two favourite themes - bad religion and bad relationships.

Ken's Super-Duper Band 'n' Stuff

I think this is what used to be known as "AOR".

"Your love is a broken record" - yep, we've all known (or been) people like that. Catchy chorus.

[AJOwens]

Is there an emoticon for a sigh?

[wages]

preface: I seem to have been somewhat harsh in many cases, but I've tried to be helpful, however vague that constructive criticism may be.

Benjamin Sturdevant
Vocals remind me of J Mascis (Dinosaur Jr). I'd like to hear a full band, Drive-By Truckers type of tune out of this. As is, I'd probably give it a 2, but for potential, I'm saying 3.5/5.

Berkeley Social Scene
The Allman Brothers-on-acid-like solo is pretty awesome. I wish the vocals were stronger. The chorus breakdown is fun. 4/5 VOTE

Blues Manufacturing Facility
You're a big fan of Butthole Surfers, Beck, and Modest Mouse, aren't you? It is pretty fun tune, just don't do those high notes 2/3 of the way in. 3/5

Boltoph
Sounding good, man! I hear what you've been up to, and it's well done all around. Nice light emotional ballad with a smooth groove and interesting melody. 4.5/5 VOTE

Cain/Prosthetic Limp
Good entry. All I would do is try out some different drums (less claps?) and do something with the guitars to make them a little "more" in the mix. I'm wanting more punch. 4/5 VOTE

Chopped Liver Meat God
I oddly want to hear Courtney Love sing this. I hope that's not offensive..just what struck me somehow! I'm liking the tune. Good vibe. Keep working to improve your vocal delivery to make your songs really shine. 4/5 VOTE

Deja Vu featuring Vertigo
Good dance/pop entry. The vocals just need to have a little more warmth to make it sound stronger, and perhaps a hair higher in the mix. 4/5

dickhammer
Crazy lo-fi cookie monster nonsense, and I mean that purely from the heart. 1/5

EAandM
Sounds like Will Ferrell singing music for The Roxbury without the funny parts. 1/5

Explino!
Nice groove. I like the overall idea. Around 1:20 has a nice change-up, but overall I think the chorus and verse need to have some more variation. Keep honing. 4/5

Give Our Regard's to the Earths Core
Yes, I did that on purpose. Decent overall tune. Well recorded. Unfortunately it's not drawing me in; not sure why. Seems busy? 3/5

I.P.
Pulled me in right from the beginning. The mix sounds like a Weezer/Rivers Cuomo demo in the sense that once you hear the final mix, you know that it was a really good song but definitely needed that fuller mix (not the sound of Weezer, I just use them to illustrate my point). Know what I mean? lol Well done. I like the instrumentation, vocals, and melody. Thanks for making the reviews worth doing. 5/5 VOTE

The Interchangables
Love the harmony chorus part. I'd like to hear this with a full band. Some of your notes waiver. Keep working on it. 3/5

James Owens
I can barely hear your voice. Mix it louder and if necessary, get closer to the mic when singing. Has some real potential. 3.5/5

Jon Eric
I was wondering if your efforts to be sure this was posted would be worth it, and I can say that it is. Nice light tune, well played. 4.5/5 VOTE

Josef Frank
Starts off OK. 2:14 in and I'm really feeling like this is dragging. I think the keyboard part was good, but you played it for way too long for my liking. By 3:30 I'm skipping every 10 seconds looking for vocals or some significant change, but nothing. Of course, I'm not much for the electronic type of music either, but as far as I can tell, it's on par with anything else in that style I've heard. 3/5

Kapitano
Music has a nice moody feel. I was finding myself annoyed by the speaking intro, partially because I was wondering if it was going to be that way for the whole 8:50 minutes. I was pleased to hear the gothic vocals. I like the spinning too. oerall, not for the radio, but it's a good melt into your chair kind of tune. I would cut the first 1 1/2 minutes though. 3.5/5

Ken's Super Duper Band 'n Stuff
Happy little jangly song. Not pushing any envelopes, but still fun. Might be able to change the mix somehow to make it stand out more, but I don't know what to suggest. 4/5

Lonbobby
Reminds me of Owl City. I like the effects on the vocals, I but I think you could pull back a little bit. 4/5 VOTE

Lord of Oats
Sounds like a David Bowie B-side. The vocals fall short on some notes. Overall, not doing a lot for me. 2/5

Manhattan Glutton
Again proving to be one of the strongest rockers on SF. Reminds me of Perfect Circle. 4.5/5 VOTE

Medusa Oblongata
I like your voices. I think the melody is a little odd in places, or maybe I'm getting some dissonance between the piano and the melody. Overall, perhaps if you worked on the mix a little and maybe tweaked some of the midi instruments, this could be a far stronger entry. 3.5/5

MENBAH!
Very interesting. Verse parts are similar to King Missile. I like the instrumentation. 4/5

Octothorpe
Well done, but very strange. 3/5

The Original King Kong
Your music is good, though not groundbreaking. I don't like the way the vocals are. They're too "dry", no attitude or emotion. Perhaps mixed a bit too loud. 2/5

Realist
The guitar work has promise, but it's very rough (I can hear hum and the sound of you palm muting), and the timing isn't quite right or maybe you are having latency recording issues? I like your voice a lot, but I think you need to use your vocal strength more. If anyone gives you constructive advice on the vocals, you should at least consider what they are saying and don't be afraid to try things. 3/5

Rone Rivendale
I know I gave you a review already, but now I'm actually listening to the tune. You sound like you're singing through your nose which makes it hard to listen. Keep working on "singing" instead of "speaking". In the meantime, I think the tune could use some reverb. 2/5

Ross Durand
Just what I expected from you. Well played guitar, well crafted lyrics and melody. 4/5 VOTE

Scomber & Friends
Wonderful voice. I think the piano part could be better, cleaner. I'd like to hear an alternate take of this. 3.5/5

Shatterfront
The melody has real promise, but the music isn't ready yet. I think the bass drum is off or something. Try for a better mix and perhaps better recordings. 3.5/5

State Shirt
I'm liking this. Well done. 4.5/5 VOTE

Tuners Union
Very nice groove. I'd like to hear a new mix, like what you might hear while standing inside Victoria's Secret waiting on the wife to shuffle through all the 5/$25 undies. 4.5/5 VOTE

The Weakest Suit
You're vocals are really improving. I want something more from the melody OR the mix, but I don't know what. 3.5/5

WreckdoM
Like WreckdoM doing a cover of a Nice Cave song. 3/5

----------------------

Wages
I probably should have recorded this with the electric guitar to give it some better layers. As I mentioned elsewhere, it's not like I was happy with where this is at, but I had spent a fair amount of time writing it and I really liked the poetic lyrics I wrote. I at least tried to wrangle in the vocals a bit. 3/5

Favorites:
Tuners Union
Manhattan Glutton
Jon Eric
I.P.

Close Seconds:
Berkeley Social Scene
Boltoph
Cain/Prosthetic Limp
Chopped Liver Meat God
Lonbobby
Ross Durand
State Shirt