Nur Ein V Round Two "Spanish Lessons"

[MintyHandy]

You have a great voice for pop and I love the guitar.

...though the guitar's a little out of tune...

Two submissions with a real guitar, and I get "cheap instruments" feedback. One submission with an electric ukulele, and you all think it's a guitar. Both through the same amp, too. I'm not sure what that means, except that it's pretty telling to note that I spent more on the uke than on the guitar.

...but your playing around with the stereo positioning, however...

Whoa, the vocal panning suddenly went wonky.

If you listen on regular speakers (with poor stereo imaging) you won't hear that, but on headphones or a good setup it's painful -- that's the direct consequence of me being almost 24 hours late leaving for vacation and having to do the accelerando in a one-pass effect instead of meticulously through multiple takes and multiple track processing. I knew it was gonna sound bad, and frankly I'm pleased as punch you all didn't rank me bottom of the barrel for that transgression alone.

The accelerando seemed superfluous on its own merits, but it set up that missing last word well...

Accelerando doesn't seem useful. I do like cutting off the last like at "to keep you" and the change in meaning that has.

Can't blame that one on timing -- that was me making a bad judgement call. If I did it over, I'd have (at least) repeated just the "To keep you well/to keep you safe/to keep you strong" to set up that last (missing) word and get through the useless setup faster -- but I doubt that would have been enough.

Thanks for the focused, useful feedback, everyone. Really, I am taking it all to heart, even if the results aren't showing up yet.

And Wages: nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[MintyHandy]

By the way, I keep typing Nur Erin instead of Nur Ein. I wonder if this is foreshadowing the eventual winner...

[phetal]

Who Fly- Nice sample, dunno if you made it yourself or found it. ... I'm going to assume the horror of Spanish taught by a Sicilian makes more sense to you than to me, and that you didn't just use "Sicilian" because you thought it sounded good. ... but I'm not sure that I'm convinced that you really give a crap and aren't just fronting.

found it, Alfonzo Cruz - Babalu
Sicilians are supposed to be great lovers... slightly too personal a lyric. (and i thought it sounded better than portuguese).
I'm not convinced either! edit: ESPECIALLY about the lyrics. I made this song, was MORE than content with it as an instrumental, but figured polluting the song with a couple raps would be worth the points it would save me. But I don't stand by the lyrics at all. Only you songfight cats will ever hear the version with lyrics. However, the whole song was made with 'Spanish Lessons' in mind so I hope y'all don't think I'm phoning it in.

Who Fly
Why am I imagining killing a bullfighter? Entiendo. What's that mean? I do not understand. No Entiendo. Wait. Maybe I get it. Is the whole thing incredibly meta? Sólo Una!

Disgustingly meta given the setting.

2. Who Fly – I hated this but saw enough of a glimmer of imagination and creativity to not put it last.

Perfect. Loving these unintended compliments.

[Ross]

In alpha order:

Bss - liked: song concept, funny idea, unfolded well. You used Erin's voice against me, all the power here is that it doesn't sound like what she is saying Excellent performances all around.
Didn't like: some of the lyrics in the men's part came off slightly campier than i might have liked.i felt like the accelerando was non - contextual. Song would have been the same without it.

Blt - liked : rock, chorus used in multiple contexts,hooky chorus with descending bass riff
Didn't like: song theme, lyrics, I thought this has a super-weak title connection, and i am one of those theory nerds who dinged you for the accelerando thing.

Boop - liked: topical, sentiment, use of sample
Didn't like: monotony, too-long introduction, felt gimmicky

Cogott - liked: concept, performance, use of challenge related to dancing in a cultural concept and cultural assimilation
Didn't like: lyrics seemed forced, this was a hard concept to unfold, I think, samey-ness of arrangement.

Dj den - liked: intimate flowiness, concept (not unlike sid's), vocals, reminded me a little of a gen x Christine Lavin, accellerando well incorporated into emotional curve of the lyrics.
Didn't like: vocals a bit too imprecise, as we move on in rounds any improvements you can make to your production could help, too.

Hoglen and wages: liked: basic feel/sound, attempt to bring in a trumpet
Didn't like: doubled everything, lack of change up, lyrics, Cuban? Is this because you don't that's not a language, or is your protagonist supposed to be an idiot all around?, weird extra voice tags on right ear, the accelerando just sounded like chaos

Jon Eric- liked: concept, bluesy piano
Didn't like: vocals, story left incomplete somehow, some of the lyrics (blue scooter?)


Milo- liked: use of a Japanese word in a song about spanish lessons, song concept, feeling it will never really happen, but dreams are good. Music, name of the Spanish teacher, three dimensional narrator/protagonist, piano arrangment, accelerando linked to emotional curve of lyrics.
Didn't like:

Minty - liked: sing-songy chorus, nice chords
Didn't like: overall the song was ehh, not very eventful, the lyrics didn't pull me in. Nothing exactly wrong,just not exactly "right" either.

Naked - liked: interesting idea to take On, interesting guitar chords, good contrast between verse and chorus, accelerando linked to emotional content.
Didn't like: clumsy lyrics, over done imagery,

Rabid - liked: sound, arrangement
Didn't like: concept, lyrics, irritating chorus, accelerando seemed tagged on

Real sign - loved: lyrics
Liked: overall instrumental track sound
Didn't like: I couldn't tell a word of the lyrics without looking them up, tell your singer enunciate, also she gets a bit out of tune sometimes

Sid - liked: song concept - Spanish /portogeuse simile is great. Nice little song, who hasn't felt like this about a member of the opposite sex. Charmingly simple, accellerando linked to emotional content of lyrics.
Didn't like: hate this guitar sound,

Therman - liked: cool, complex lyrics - lots of imagery that is evocative yet ambiguous, music and Lyrics seem well paired, "French words in Spanish" - I know what I think that means, but it keeps me on my toes.
Didn't like: accelerando seemed disconnected from all i said above, mix / master one degree too thick for my taste, it hides some of the words

Who fly - liked: promising beginning, I was sure this was going to unfold into the accelerando challenge, clever word play, interesting textures keep my ears on their toes, "Spanish lessons from a sicilian woman"
Didn't like: went on too long for what it was for me, I felt like it didn't get anywhere in the end, ended up feeling more like a collage than a complete thought

[jb]

I gotta say, if you had said Portuguese, I would have thought it was an excellent line, because of the relationship between those countries and their languages.

Who Fly
Sicilians are supposed to be great lovers... slightly too personal a lyric. (and i thought it sounded better than portuguese).

[phetal]

I gotta say, if you had said Portuguese, I would have thought it was an excellent line, because of the relationship between those countries and their languages.

Who Fly
Sicilians are supposed to be great lovers... slightly too personal a lyric. (and i thought it sounded better than portuguese).

GODDAMNIT. i totally deserved elimination this round.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Blt - liked : rock, chorus used in multiple contexts,hooky chorus with descending bass riff
Didn't like: song theme, lyrics, I thought this has a super-weak title connection, and i am one of those theory nerds who dinged you for the accelerando thing.

You know, you were the first person I thought of when I decided to take the route I did. I know what a stickler you are about title and challenge use from your past Nur Ein songs. I remember one year, you even had your car involved. That's dedication, lol.
Thanks for the review, Ross.

[Niveous]

Minty Handy- I love the guitar sound on this song. The chorus is very catchy, the only problem is we hear it a few too many times as it becomes the accelerando. The accelerando is a nice set up to the ending but it makes the song ultra-repetitive. The chorus is repeated 7 times, I think. That's a bit much especially with only 2 verses. There's not enough contrast. It's a nice song but it definitely wears thin.

Sid Denison- Short and sweet. The sparse arrangement has its charm. There are some nice lyrical choices. The thing that holds me back from really getting into this song wholeheartedly is that it has no hooks. So after hearing it a few times, it's still the song I have the most trouble recalling during this round, except for the accelerando which comes off like the person having a heart attack.

Milo Dunderville- The hard rocker in me repels this because it screams out Broadway, but I have to admit that the accelerando is brilliantly done and is the best fullfillment of this round's challenge. So I may have some acerbity with the genre but I have to admit that this is very well done. It's funny that at almost 3 minutes, it feels short. Excellent bookending of the song. One of the best songs this round and very deserving of the win.

Hoglen & Wages: I like that they brought the rock and that works well for them, but there are some things here that work against them. One major flaw is the never changing percussion. That is going to drain the listener without question. Then there's the lyrics. First, "Cuban". They needed two syllables. They could've said Chinese and been fine. But Cuban? And then the logicists of saying maybe they're speaking French at the Cantina. And saying maybe it's french.. looks like I'm gonna need Spanish Lessons. There are just stumbles all over the place and I can't enjoy a song if I'm busy saying "Wha?". Then there's the horn and the accelerando that basically sounds like the song fell apart. Too many things working against this song.

Rabid Garfunkel: From the get go, I was off put because of the horn choice is so very synthetic. I would rather this song be without them. The arrangement would be much thinner but I would work better. "Because I said so" is an odd thing to translate. It's an English turn of phrase so I don't think they really say it in Spanish but I guess "Porque dije tan" is the best you're gonna get. I didn't like the accelerando at all. Not the worst song in the bunch but I feel no desire to give this song any more spins.

Naked Philosophy: Vocals at the beginning sounded like Jon Eric. This is the song that made the least impact upon me in the round. I like the Desperate Housewives concept, but the song falls pretty flat. The accelerando on the bridge was okay. It started to get somewhere at the end, but then it ended very quickly and abruptly and the listener doesn't get a chance to take in what happened. This is the second NP song that I've heard that has this dramatic payoff at the end but doesn't do anything to sell it. It's not like a video where you can have a dramatic image that sticks with you. In a song you have to give a listener a chance to take it in.

DJ Ranger Den: Some part of me really wants to collaborate with Den. I wanna reel her in. Make her sing a song that is a story in 3rd person. She's a musical butterfly. It's all very pretty and when it stays one place, you can really take in all that beauty. But more often, it's fluttering around and you can't take it all in. I think one of the reasons I'm struggling is the lyrical choice. Den seems to like making songs that are conversations and when it gets over the top conversational, it loses something (like the part of this song where she starts rambling some Spanish phrases). There is some really good stuff here but it just needs to tighten up some parts and couple it with a good chorus (this one was weak).

Chris Cogott: I see there's a story that Chris wanted to tell. Was this the way to tell it? The first verse was weak. The second verse was much stronger. But then there's the ending...it lost the story and became this ridiculous bit around the accelerando. It's a nice accelerando but the story when completely by the wayside. What if this song was written from the viewpoint of one of these workers who finds out that they are about to lose their job unless they move to another country and learn another language and then when they get there they learn there's a whole laundry list of other things that they have to do just to fit in and make ends meet and the strife that the worker is feeling gets played up. I think they would've been much more effective. Here, I think the story got lost.

The Real Sign: This was not Realist's strongest vocal showing and that hurts this song in a big way. Some notes went flat, some went sharp. Randy Jackson time. "You were a little pitchy, dawg". I can't place a figure on why this song just isn't connecting with me. The accelerando was weak and did nothing for the song except fulfill the challenge. It's got a memorable chorus but I struggled with get into it. Maybe it's the mix which feels a little heavy or maybe it's the delivery or maybe it's just because I'm not connecting to the lyrics. A quick look at the lyrics makes me think it's most likely the latter. It's an odd cliffnote of Don Quixote, which is a very complex story. Great idea but I didn't like the execution.

Therman: Musically, this is sooo good. In reminds me of Deadsy and that's a good thing in my book. There are a couple of lyrical missteps like the whole French words in Spanish thing which I don't 100% get but there's a lot of very good stuff going on around it that I feel very forgiving. This is definitely the song that will earn the most spins after this round is said and done. Nice accelerando on the bridge and I like how it hits its apex and then gives a second to settle before getting back into the chorus. It's not perfect but it's solid, well performed and my favorite for the round.

Jon Eric: Huh? That's my immediate reaction to this. The chorus is very catchy but the story in the song is not very strong. I don't care about the tutor's blue scooter (wow that was a really bad lyric choice, Jon is much better than that). How did he did the workers into zombies? Does a lack of Spanish comprehension raise the dead? The song basically goes from he knew he had to build to the builders wouldn't stop building in the span of about two lines. "No one seems to know why" is a very true statement. It's very very abrupt and leaves me saying "Huh?" And the accelerando was not well done. The lyrics kill this song dead.

Billy's Little Trip: I didn't get a kick out of the "Spanish Lessens" joke. "Taco kisses" is an over the top cheesy lyric. In fact, this is very over the top cheesy. This reminds me so much of listening to Z-Rock and they'd always do the Z-Rock Top 50 metal songs. This would be in the first hour. It's generic hair metal cheesy that you'd get out of some bands that liked Poison a bit too much (see: Shotgun Messiah, Stage Dolls). I know there's more underneath with the tale of love gone wrong but I'm having a hard time getting there while I'm swimming the sea of cheese. I know that a dash of comedy is BLT's style but as fan of his music and someone who has collaborated with him on a few songs, I know he can bring more to the table and this is BLT on autopilot. I prefer when BLT goes beyond the cheap yuk and generic rock chorus.

Who Fly: This reminds me alot of the work of the Avalanches. There is a lot going on here and its very frenetic but in a very fascinating way. My favorite part is how the accelerando leads into a rap bit that comes at a different pace. There is a great groove to this. Sure, it all lyrically a mish mosh but for some reason it comes together for me in a very abstract way (except of couse for the killing a bullfighter bit which is just odd. I stands out but it's odd). It's the strangest song in the round but I find myself digging it.

Boop Boop: I saw Ben live a few months back and it was a crazy distortion/feedback filled beast of a performance, so when I heard this song, I wasn't shocked. This song could've opened that show. I like the current event play on Spanish Lessons, though it is a little thin on everything. Like I said, it could open the show because it doesn't seem like a full song. It could make a nifty intro to a night of crazy experimental stuff but really, it's almost lyrically devoid and the music is repetitive. it sounds like something whipped together, which it probably was.

BSS: This is probably the best take on the title in the round. I love the idea of the traveler who can't understand the language. I have two problems with it. The first is that the English lyrics rhyme, so why don't the Spanish ones? And why doesn't Erin's vocals match what she's saying. I get the idea that he's not supposed to understand but if she's saying he's arrogant and ugly and wondering why he's still there, why is she singing it so pretty? But despite those flaws, this is a well done song with nicely done musical touches and all the usual BSS band high quality song polish.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Billy's Little Trip: I didn't get a kick out of the "Spanish Lessens" joke. "Taco kisses" is an over the top cheesy lyric. In fact, this is very over the top cheesy. This reminds me so much of listening to Z-Rock and they'd always do the Z-Rock Top 50 metal songs. This would be in the first hour. It's generic hair metal cheesy that you'd get out of some bands that liked Poison a bit too much (see: Shotgun Messiah, Stage Dolls). I know there's more underneath with the tale of love gone wrong but I'm having a hard time getting there while I'm swimming the sea of cheese. I know that a dash of comedy is BLT's style but as fan of his music and someone who has collaborated with him on a few songs, I know he can bring more to the table and this is BLT on autopilot. I prefer when BLT goes beyond the cheap yuk and generic rock chorus.

To be honest, it's really about the rock, melody and riffs in this song and the lyrics are just a goofy little story to give the chorus two meaning. But you're right, there is no depth to the lyrics. It seems that when I dive into my dark side, very few people seem to understand where I'm at and just don't get it. You're one of the few that generally like my deepest thoughts spilling out. But in a competition like Nur Ein, I have about 30 to 45 seconds to make the judges want to continue listening with some level of interest.
Also, being that your expertise is song writing/writing, I'd be pretty hard pressed trying to impress you, lol. But sometimes I get inspired and find a good balance of deep and dark sarcasm. Those songs always end up being my favorite, even if they aren't well received.
Thanks, Niv. Maybe your words will ring in my head the next time I feel the urge to sing about my penis. But I'm not promising anything.

[frankie big face]

But in a competition like Nur Ein, I have about 30 to 45 seconds to make the judges want to continue listening with some level of interest.

I don't think this is true at all. In fact, it's one of the few times where you can be guaranteed that at least five people are going to sit down and listen to your song intently at least one time, probably more. I listened to your song three times and I certainly would not have listened to it more than once if I weren't judging this competition.

[glennny]

Niveous wrote-

BSS: This is probably the best take on the title in the round. I love the idea of the traveler who can't understand the language. I have two problems with it. The first is that the English lyrics rhyme, so why don't the Spanish ones? And why doesn't Erin's vocals match what she's saying. I get the idea that he's not supposed to understand but if she's saying he's arrogant and ugly and wondering why he's still there, why is she singing it so pretty? But despite those flaws, this is a well done song with nicely done musical touches and all the usual BSS band high quality song polish.

excellent critique! I actually really enjoyed allof the judges comments this round, thanks for taking the time to make the reviews!

Niv-

Why don't the Spanish words rhyme? To be honest I wrote the lyrics in English. In the English version they did rhyme. However I don't speak a lick of Spanish. I handed off the translation duties to the Spanish speakers associated with the group. I neglected to instruct them to adjust the meter and rhyme so that it worked in Spanish, and to only save the essence of the words in English. However, the results we got were perfect to me, i tend to like songs that don't rhyme more than ones that do, but that's another conversation. Good observation!

Why is she singing pretty? She is aware he can not understand her, and i think she is enjoying that fact.

[Spud]

Why is she singing pretty? She is aware he can not understand her, and i think she is enjoying that fact.

Good comeback. I assumed that that was the case, much like the women who make a mockery of "Faust" in the opera by the same name.

[JonPorobil]

I gotta say, if you had said Portuguese, I would have thought it was an excellent line, because of the relationship between those countries and their languages.

GODDAMNIT. i totally deserved elimination this round.

Hey, you're not just recording for the judges (I hope)... I thought the "Sicilian woman" line was way better than "Portugese" would have been. First of all, it just sounds better. The lyric is more musical, and "Portugese" doesn't carry the same flow to it. Second of all, saying "Spanish Lessons from a Sicilian woman" draws our attention specifically because it comes out of nowhere. It's one of those moments where writing the "right" line would result in a more boring song - and you'd be surprised how often that is. Saying jarring things takes the listener out of the moment, and if done judiciously, can make for a more memorable piece.

And finally, saying "Portugese" would make me feel like you chose the language specifically because of Portugal's proximity to Spain, whereas saying "Sicilian" implies that you've got a consistent story in your own head (which, apparently, is true), and that goes a ways with a lot of listeners, even if you never get to fully reveal the story.

I mean, I ain't saying jb is wrong, but...

Just don't spend too much time second-guessing yourself, phetal.

[Billy's Little Trip]

But in a competition like Nur Ein, I have about 30 to 45 seconds to make the judges want to continue listening with some level of interest.

I don't think this is true at all. In fact, it's one of the few times where you can be guaranteed that at least five people are going to sit down and listen to your song intently at least one time, probably more. I listened to your song three times and I certainly would not have listened to it more than once if I weren't judging this competition.

Good point.
....and would you stop repeating that about my song. You're starting to hurt my feeling.

Kidding, I don't care, I like the abuse. I'm kinky like that. Tell me again how you hate my vocals...TELL ME! :arousal_smilie:

By the way, not that I'm panda'ring again, but my 97 song seems to be coming out more in your acceptance range I think. A little more avant-garde than my usual beer bar rants. But it's still early. I may decide to take a huge dump all over it towards the end like I seem to do quite often when I think it needs more vagina.

[MintyHandy]

You're starting to hurt my feeling.

You only have the one?

...like I seem to do quite often when I think it needs more vagina.

Great. Thanks to you, I'm now going to associate cowbells with vaginas. THANKS.

side note: mother's day takes away all of sunday for round three. ack!

[Billy's Little Trip]

You're starting to hurt my feeling.

You only have the one?

Yep, and I'm told it's above average.


edit: drunk quoting ftl.

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Hey wow, thanks y'all. Starting to feel like the stripped down experiment might be successful-ish, by your surprise at the listenability of these entries.

For the record, "porque dije tan" is internet translation spanish of "Because I said so". It's what I get for listening to the New York Dolls when a title's announced, heh.

Nur Ein, yo!

[jb]

Ah, you're fulla crap, Jon Eric. Lyrics gotta do two things: mean something and sound good. I contend that "Sicilian" just sounded good and really, with the way the lines are delivered in that song, would "Portugese" not sound just fine?

It's his song and it's how he wanted it, I can only assume. What I can tell you is that I didn't like that line that way, and I would have liked it the other way. Whether you give my opinion any credence is up to you. (I, personally, think you should give it a frikkin' lot of credence.)

Goes for the rest of you. Anyt line or melody that doesn't make me want to sing or say it back to you shouldn't go in the song. That's my philosophy, and for the sake of this competition, you now know how to get some extra points with me. If you can pull it off.

JB

I gotta say, if you had said Portuguese, I would have thought it was an excellent line, because of the relationship between those countries and their languages.

GODDAMNIT. i totally deserved elimination this round.

Hey, you're not just recording for the judges (I hope)... I thought the "Sicilian woman" line was way better than "Portugese" would have been. First of all, it just sounds better. The lyric is more musical, and "Portugese" doesn't carry the same flow to it. Second of all, saying "Spanish Lessons from a Sicilian woman" draws our attention specifically because it comes out of nowhere. It's one of those moments where writing the "right" line would result in a more boring song - and you'd be surprised how often that is. Saying jarring things takes the listener out of the moment, and if done judiciously, can make for a more memorable piece.

And finally, saying "Portugese" would make me feel like you chose the language specifically because of Portugal's proximity to Spain, whereas saying "Sicilian" implies that you've got a consistent story in your own head (which, apparently, is true), and that goes a ways with a lot of listeners, even if you never get to fully reveal the story.

I mean, I ain't saying jb is wrong, but...

Just don't spend too much time second-guessing yourself, phetal.

[Caravan Ray]

I wrote "Portuguese". Do I get extra points?

[wages]

sing or say it back to you shouldn't go in the song. That's my philosophy, and for the sake of this competition, you now know how to get some extra points with me. If you can pull it off.

You believe what you wanna believe,
[but I] don't have to live like a [songwriting] refugee

In other words, just because it's not the way you want it, doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just wrong to you. Now, if everyone says it's wrong, the songwriter might want to consider that. I mean, there are words (and musicians) that just totally blow and shouldn't even go to open mic.

There's a fine line between it being bad and it being not to your taste. That's all I'm saying. You might think I'm pulling a John Kerry with that point of view, but I see it as being less-self-centric and more open-to-possibilities.

But with your original point, it may have made more sense with Portuguese, but then again, Hoglen & Wages used "Cuban" as a language to illustrate, oh fuck it... who cares?

[phetal]

everyone is valid! I reacted the way i did to the 'portuguese' suggestion because i do feel like a dolt having not considered that. Had I thought on it a bit longer, I don't see how I could have not sung 'portuguese.' Thanks for the props jon eric, often I do fear the opinions of others too much... often I consider them too little. Either way, you guys are all homies and all the advice is great and songlove4evah.

Niv: AVALANCHES thanks man! I had been telling myself it was Flying Lotus-inspired but I think, primarily, it WAS avalanches inspired with a hint of flylo on the side.

[Ross]

everyone is valid! I reacted the way i did to the 'portuguese' suggestion because i do feel like a dolt having not considered that. Had I thought on it a bit longer, I don't see how I could have not sung 'portuguese.' Thanks for the props jon eric, often I do fear the opinions of others too much... often I consider them too little. Either way, you guys are all homies and all the advice is great and songlove4evah.

Niv: AVALANCHES thanks man! I had been telling myself it was Flying Lotus-inspired but I think, primarily, it WAS avalanches inspired with a hint of flylo on the side.

I liked the sicilian line because I thought it conjured an image. Italy does seem inherently romantic to me, but it also reminded me of a time when two friends of mine, one who had been to italy to study Italian and one who was a native spanish speaker, held a conversation in two languanges, it turns out they are similar enough in romance base that this can be done. So that all went together in my head and the image worked for me. I bet yiu didn't intend that at all, but it shows how listeners bring their own perspectives to lyrics. Jb and I each heard that our own way for different reasons. It ' s the same reason I like the French words in spanish line in therman's entry this week.