Crashing Cars, Awarding Stars

[Billy's Little Trip]

Crashing Cars, Awarding Stars
music by BLT
lyrics by fluffy

In nineteen ninety seven
we got a brand new game
About a petty criminal
who seems to be insane
The plot was a simple one
but it had a trick
Let you do anything that you want,
BE A DICK!

(chorus)
Crashing cars awarding stars
It's what this game is all about
Crashing cars awarding stars
gut a gangster like a trout

The seguel dropped in nineteen ninety nine
wasn't all that fun
Three weeks into the future
you're always on the run
Nobody knew about these games
until the third one came
2001 is a year that will always,
LIVE IN FAME!

(chorus)
Crashing cars awarding stars
hello hooker meet my shoe
Crashing cars awarding stars
do anything you want to

In twenty-o-eight came the one
that we were waiting for
Looked really pretty with lots of pazzaz
the gameplay was a chore
Playing it felt like we were working
at a second job
Gimme dildo beat downs, guns and drugs
NOT A TV-WATCHING SLOB!

(chorus)
Crashing cars awarding stars
It's what this game is about
Crashing cars awarding stars
gut a gangster like a trout
Crashing cars awarding stars
hello hooker meet my shoe
Crashing cars awarding stars
do anything you want to

[irwin]

Crashing Cars, Awarding Stars - Suckweasel

I was young; at least that's my excuse
I wouldn't dream of speaking for you
In fact I think I must recuse myself from this discussion

You, you go out to seek and destroy
I back away but leave you annoyed
just trying to avoid that repercussion

But you, you'd rather be right than be safe
What do you want from me?
And I, I cut my nose right off of my face
Maybe that's all we can be?
Crashing cars, awarding stars

We sped forward without any goal
Raced along on cruise control
Until that telephone pole gave us that concussion

And you, you always score all of the points
Is this some kind of game?
And I, I get so out of joint
The end is always the same:
Crashing cars, awarding stars

[Steve Durand]

Crashing Cars, Awarding Stars

By Steve Durand

We are the National Highway Traffic Safety Agency
And we do crash test ratings for the auto industry
So when you're trying to decide what vehicle to drive
We can help you choose the best at keeping you alive

A federal bureaucracy that you can't circumvent
'Cause we get our authority straight from the President
Cast aside your worries we are here to save the day
We are the men and women of the NHTSA

We're crashing cars, awarding stars
But that's not all we do

Since we have the wherewithal to rule by decree
We set the bar for corporate average fuel economy
So when you're buying gasoline you have us to thank
For every mile per gallon that you get out of your tank

We're helping the economy and keeping folks employed
We offered cash for clunkers as a job retention ploy
So every time you're looking for someone to lead the way
The one that you can count on is the NHTSA

Because we want to know
What we do is worthwhile
That is why we track
Fatalities per mile

Auto crashes cause
More deaths than any war
Saving all those lives
Is what we're aiming for

We're crashing cars, awarding stars
But that's not all we do

Our rules mandate airbags and a CHMSL
And soon electronic stability control as well
Our new data recorder will be sure to make you feel
Like we're sitting right beside you when you get behind the wheel

If you paid attention then by now you should have learned
That automobile safety is our number one concern
If you have a collision and you get to walk away
You can thank the men and women of the NHTSA
The N-H-T-S-A