Merde! (The Only French I Know Reviews)

[hillbilly]

Torrenz----- you will never be a redneck

[j$]

subjective opinions about your music.)

Don't hold me to this, 'cos it's late at night where I am, but I am pretty sure all opinions are subjective, by definition, so that's a bit of a tortology. I agree with what you're saying, to a point, but that point is when you chose not just to have those opinions, but to express them in a forum. At which point the only caveat is please express your opinions, but be ready to be called on them by people, subjectively. If one is sure enough of one's opinions, then you will be able to justify them when asked.

Anyway, the reason I am posting is to say a) i know am being a bit semantic, schimminycricket, but for my song, which I have already expressed doubts of my own about elsewhere, I would like it known that I am not trying to pretend that is a real accordian. I have been very clear that I am playing keyboards, not accordian, so I am at least not in denial about it. and
b) one quick listen and Minty Handy is running away with the best tune of the fight, Juliet's Happy Dagger is good too, the voices work REALLY well together, it's just a bit 'soft rock' in the arrangement for my personal tastes. There will be full reviews, and consideration, in the next few days, but as of tonight, MH is the hand(y)s down winner and he has a vote even if I change my mind tomorrow.

j$

[Dejected_Motives]

Last week I lost my entry V-Card so, this week, I think I'll pop my review cherry...

Berkeley Social Scene: I like how this has a very SoCal, Beatles-esque vibe to it. It's very melodic, chill, and easy to listen to. I feel maybe a bit repetitive and lengthy with not quite enough changes to make it as interesting as it could be, but it is still very good.

Billy and the Psychotics: Haha! Power chords and a nice chorus. Very well done. It's simple, yet, still very catchy and not hard to listen to.

Elephant Kitties: Very Jason Mraz-ish feel about it. Another chill, easy listening song. I do not intend to offend, but I cracked up a little when the chorus came on because it was sung in a more light-hearted fashion and as a duet while the rest of the song was a solo effort about communication difficulties. But, that being said, it was a very enjoyable song.

Hostess Mostess: This vibe takes me back a few decades to the 70's, but I could still see this one getting radio airplay. It's repeptitive, but in a very slow-danceable way. This could easily be used as a wedding song someday in the very near future... Well done!

Johnny Cashpoint: I think if the vocals were sung slightly differently and maybe compressed just a smidge, with some pitch changes this could be very nice to listen to. The accordian is by far the best part of this song and basically holds it together. Altogether not a bad song, it just needs a bit of writing work and a nice vocal that changes more from the bridge to the chorus.

Juliet's Happy Dagger: This song is fun and makes me laugh aa little, but could use more... (instrumentation?) perhaps another change or two maybe? It is very good and well orchestrated, but I think it just needs something. Something little...

King Arthur: The lyrics and guitar chords sound to me like John Mellencamp might have written them. Then, at the end, the swearing made me laugh. I actually considered doing something similar! Even though this is relatively repetitive throughout, the story of the song keeps it interesting. This is one of my favorite's this week.

Klownhole: Although the satirical, psuedo-punk lyrics give it a grungey, light-hearted vibe, the riff doesn't really do it for me. The guitar needs to be better orchestrated to keep my interest if it's going to be that busy.

Minty Handy: I think maybe you tried a little too hard with the words to get them to rhyme instead of concentrating on the substance of the lyrics (a mistake that I have made plenty of times so don't feel bad.) Perhaps it could be a descent song if re-written... OK, on second listen, they are pretty OK. But they should be sang diffenetly I think and the song could certainly use a few chord changes. But it's not altogether bad.

Obese Chess: I actually like some of these lyrics and the way you rhymed certain things that generally aren't rhymed. That always tends to be one of the selling points with me with rap songs. Well, it's definitely trying to be a functional nerd-core song I think, but it lacks a good, catchy hook that NEEDS to be in a song of this style. If you used most of the lyrics that you already have and thought up a nice, sweet hook and changed the music when it went into the hook (obviously) you would have something. The music redundantly repeats, repetitively, over and over while you basically just freestyle. Sit down and write the song with an intro-bridge-chorus-bridge-chorus-out pattern and you will be that much closer to a great nerd-core song...

Paco del Stinko: This song is very well laid out and flows nicely. The lyrics are... alright. I like the changes in instrumentation and the vocal changes the most. This is probably one of the best songs as far as structure in this fight. With maybe a few lyrics changes (or at least a few more lyrics) this could be really a very good song I think..

TorrentZ: I knew in the first five seconds I was either going to like this song or change it quickly. For me, it was certainly the former! It has a very 80's rap/nerd-core feel and I like it very much! Actually, this is my favorite song this week. It's not only fun, but it's well laid out and has all of the elements of a professional track. Actually, this song is the ONE song that I could say has the best chance at receiving radio airplay. And I sincerely believe it has a good chance if pitched to the right market of DJs... Stellar job!

[SchlimminyCricket]

Somehow I missed Minty Handy's song before, which is a shame because it's pretty good. I had already voted, so I won't attempt to put another one in, but Minty should know that I wish I had voted for him.

[fatback supreme]

Thanks DM,glad you like the track!

[nyjm]

Erg. My previous draft seems to have been lost... oh well, time for "late-night-can't-sleep-because-stupid-mind-won't-shut-off" reviews. For some of you, this is round two of my listening. And to hell with the shuffle button.

Berkeley Social Scene
+++ various shiny guitar tones +++
/// I often feel like there's some sophistication in BSS's music that I just don't get ///
--- not hooky ---

Billy and the Psychotics - vote for the RAWK
+++ RAWK riffage ! +++
+++ each component works together wonderfully +++
+++ lyrics; there are so many great on-liners, but especially the last line +++
/// I'm happy to claim credit on this track as "pronunciation coach." You see those coattails? Yup, that's me, shamelessly riding 'em all the way, baby ///

Elephant Kitties
+++ very pretty +++
--- cacophonous chorus ---
/// please post lyrics, since the whole "avec moi/coup d'état" thing has me scratching my head ///

Hostess Mostess - edges out Elephant Kitties for the "pretty" vote
/// the chorus melody reminds of something... can't put my finger on it ///
+++ super clean guitar tone +++
+++ vocal harmonies +++

Johnny Cashpoint
+++ funny, quirky story +++
--- uneven rhythm of performance ---

Juliet's Happy Dagger - vote for ego
--- sadly, the last JHD song for the foreseeable future ---
+++ how everything comes together with simplicity +++
/// built-in limited audience; not sure if the melody carries everything ///
+++ happy endings that aren't snarky or sappy +++

King Arthur
+++ story and rather unique take on the title +++
+++ nice warm guitar tone with a pleasant riff +++
/// could use some more variation and instrumentation ///

Klownhole
+++ garage band RAWK +++
+++ delightfully messy +++
--- the solo is still just random noise ---

Minty Handy
--- finger clicks ---
--- underbaked ---

Obese Chess
--- lack of rhythm ---
--- bad mash up with la vie en rose ---
--- pronunciation; congrats you're the first person in the whole damn fight to make me twitch ---

Paco del Stinko
+++ electric country swagger +++
+++ nice oh la la touch +++

Torrentz - vote for songwriting excellence
+++ Eddie Izzard reference +++
+++ Fuck vous! +++
+++ great chorus and overall everything +++

[Stalara]

Torrentz - vote for songwriting excellence
+++ Eddie Izzard reference +++
+++ Fuck vous! +++
+++ great chorus and overall everything +++

^_^ I'm so glad you got the Eddie Izzard reference!!! <3 <3 <3

[nyjm]

^_^ I'm so glad you got the Eddie Izzard reference!!! <3 <3 <3

And for anyone who didn't:

[Paco Del Stinko]

What, are people snubbing this fight while they eat their Feedom Fries? Smarten up! Here are some comments, feel free to ask for clarification or elaboration.

Berkeley Social Scene - I like the synth lines in here. The slow descending patterns are both trippy and occasionally, almost draggy feeling. The time shift part in the middle is cool, I never hear it the same way twice. Now, where have Erin and Sam's voices disppeared to? Not complaing about Glen, in any way! I love you guy's music, but would be thrilled by a dark, menacing turn.

Billy and the Psychotics - BLT has added another powerful weapon to his song arsenal here. Another fantastic vocal by Den, she gets more into the song as it goes. Of course, her sexually tinged lyrics always work. Dark, tough, just enough funk to make this not too moody. Of course, I LOVE the middle part all tripped out. Perfect bridge that only I might've matched. (wink) This would, of course, have to be added to the live set list. Ahem.

Elephant Kitties - I'm glad that the progression moves from just two chords like it sounds like it's going to do at the start. The verses are soothing and gentle and a bit melancholy, that all works. I like the chorus enough, even if I'm lost as to what what you're saying. Pretty. This is fine as a duet with guitar, but a brushed drum and simple stand up bass would work as well, although not needed.

Hostess Mostess - What a nice organic sound. It sounds like it was recorded live in your living room. I like the dry production and non midi-fied sounding sounds. Regardless, the song is a pleasant waltz with a slight stutter. Sweet chorus, full of love and flawless transition into the bridge. The verses contain a bit of mystery, comparatively. I must agree with the previous reviewer who stated that this sounds like it was always around, not rushed out for the compettion. Like, uh,mine.

Johnny Cashpoint - I enjoy this story very much, semi-autobiographical or not. It's very private and almost confessional, though certainly not apologetic. The melody works best in the verses, kind of samey in the chorus, but pleasant. I enjoy the instrumentation and, having read your pre-fight statements, don't hold the stumbly rhythm against you. Heh, I wouldn't anyway. Doesn't matter, a good song, if partially undercooked, lies within.

Juliet's Happy Dagger - A nice adult story, well executed. You found a good balance and play for your voices here, not crowding each other. Sexiest Cleveland ever! Wow! Do your respective partners know about this? Very well done, you guys continue to gel, don't lose your rhythym.

King Arthur - A wise decision, I think, to keep the voice and guitar here, sans backing band instruments. Helps maintain focus on the narrative. I think it also helps the guitar stand a little more proud next to your voice, more of an accompaniest than an anonymous supporter. Good story, I imagine it is more true than not. Very well structured. I admit I was surprised to hear cussing from you, but it fits.

Klownhole - See? I was just lamenting on the boards that Klownhole is long overdue for a song, and you guys showed up. Thank you! Distorted, skrungy, neck-punching goodness. The lyrics are nice and dumb, but great. I'm glad that this doesn't overstay it's welcome and if anything, leaves me wanting more. And forget the comment about the solo being nothing but noise, just the fact that there is one is news. Please: more songs!

Minty Handy - I like this as is. No uke, keys, vibes or whatever. I know you did this quickly but perhaps it paid off for it here. Cute without being trite, and catchy without being sugary. Like Klownhole (!) I'm not sure that I'd want it to go on longer. It's one of those cases where it leaves you wanting more, but is complete as it is. Very nice, good energy, and should fare well in the voting.

Obese Chess - I like how this sounds like you're reading some Karaoke lyrics sheet, all out of time and ignoring the backing track, despite the fact that I shouldn't. Foolish, but somehow fun, a couple of times.

Paco del Stinko - This is about French Canadian tourists visiting Hampton Beach, Hampton, New Hampshire. I have nothing against them, just thought it would be fun to poke fun at how they are poked fun at. No amps on this one! Wow!

Torrentz - Indeed, this is vey well done. The smushing of old timey music to modern beats works well and the various deliveries are each well done and energetic. Again, you guys are smart enough to utilize melodies and hooks besides just pummeling voices. To me, an endlees barrage of voices is tiresome. Does each narrator write their own verse or is it a collaboration? Regardless, the end result is well balanced and well produced, fun and energetic.

[MintyHandy]

I'll be reviewing tonight, but wanted to say a few things...

Minty Handy
--- finger clicks ---
--- underbaked ---

This is a perfect match for my own assessment (although I very much appreciate the more positive feedback from other folks!) I make it a point to submit for better or for worse and then move on, rather than making excuses (with varying levels of success), but in this case I'll go on record that I recorded the drums and scratch vocal (with finger snap)/harmonies, looked ahead to the prospect of spending several hours fleshing out a song that was basically a brain fart from the day previous...and realized there was something else I wanted to do more, a lot more. But I still love you guys. I need to turn over a new leaf and start committing time and effort into these like I did back in the day (it is ridiculous that I have yet to match the audio quality on Our Love Violates Corporate Policy, the only song I ever spent an entire week on.)

Also:

Mint Handy---That is the cleanest drum i have ever head on the internet

This made me laugh out loud at work, for an extended period of time, for reasons I cannot understand. Something about the "on the internet" part. Perhaps it reminded me of http://xkcd.com/386/

[hillbilly]

That wasnt a very good review, i may have had 1 too many, what if i make it up next time.

[glennny]

The Only French I Know

Berkeley Social Scene- This is a one Tuesday song. I came up with the chord pattern while waiting for the guys to show up. This time we had Berminator X on lead guitar. I played my 11 string guitar (the 2nd G always breaks) through my amp. I kinda hate that sound. I intended to redo the 11 string straight to a mic, but ran out of time. Berminator has some sweet guitar parts on this guy. Ken steals the show with the synth lead. It was Sunday night before the deadline when I finally had time (not without marital bargaining) to lay down some vocals. This was particularly tough since we had no lyrics in this 11th hour. So I made them up as I was recording. That was kind of fun, because I didn’t know where the song was going. Anyway, I love the song, I wish the vocals and lyrics were stronger, and I could re-record the rhythm guitar, but all the other guys did awesome stuff, especially Ken! Martin played some sweet bass too, and he championed my weird time changes.

The Psychotics- This rocks in a big way. Again, I think the vocal melody is the weak link. It seems to really harp on one note a lot. The performance is excellent. I also think DJ is a little up front in the mix, makes it a little Karaoke to me. Nice to have some PDS guitar prowess to melt our faces! In most fights this would be at the top. The guitar riff is original enough, but emulates Bock Rockin Beats by the Chemical Brothers. The bridge is the best part. I like the spaciness and dynamics. It serves the song really well. Kick ass!

Elephant Kitties- This has maybe too slow of a start. When the chorus hits and the other voice emerges I start to really love this song. Your vocals are amazingly beautiful! The acoustic is played well, nice timing. I’m left imagining fretless bass lines and jazzy cymbals behind this. I think it’s a little too sparse with just the guitar. It’s good, the wrong bass line and drums could ruin this gem, but the right lines could take this to the next level. I’m looking forward to more entries!

Hostess Mostess- Your drummer is not a drummer. Sounds like the singer adding drum-like sounding things. The writing is impeccable. That’s a really catchy melody. However the mix is really killing it for me. The strat is way too loud and piercing. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think the guitar should be pulled back. The bpm is too slow for this not to be super tight. Sorry I sound like a persnickety jerk, I actually really like this song a lot.

Johnny Cashpoint- You corner the market on awkward charming grooves. The vibe is great. The accordion is awesome! The accordion solo cracks me up, I didn’t expect that flurry of notes in this song. Delightful! The song is the right length for what is there. I enjoyed this.

Juliet’s Happy Dagger- Digging your vocals, but wow they’re hot. Both vocals are way too up front. Your voices fit really well together! I hope there are more duets in our future with the two of you. I keep waiting for a harmonized section. It’s amazing how different your timbres are, so much that you can literally sing on top of each other and it remains totally distinctive. Is it the chorus when the drums pick up? Seems like a story song. The story has a progression but the music doesn’t change much other than the drum machine oscillating between straight and half time. That said, I really enjoyed the ride, especially on my 1st listen. Good job!

King Arthur- There are 10,000 songs with this chord pattern. To me it is 2 suns in the sunset by Pink Floyd. This is good country music. It tells a story, there’s strong vocals, and super safe tried and true music behind it. I do want some REAL drums to kick in along with bass. This could stand to have a nice wanky classic rock guitar solo too. 3 women backing vocalists coming in on the latter choruses doing half assed Temptations moves, but sing their asses off. In other words, good song, sounds like a demo. Don’t get me wrong, I’m keeping this in my ipod playlist. It’s quality rock, which I don’t mean derogatorily.

Klownhole?- Late entry I guess, it wasn’t here yesterday. It’s nice to hear Klownhole again. I love the high production values and sensitive lyrics. This does not disappoint. It’s everything a Klownhole song should be. You’re hitting all the Klownhole buttons; monster vocals, bashing drums, and wailing guitars. This is super fun, I’m glad this got into the fight.

Minty Handy- This is great! Nice melody, and superb singing. The beat reminds me of “Dreams” by TV on the Radio, which goes nicely next to this song. With this amount of music 79 seconds is a good length. I’d be curious how your Uke would sound with this funky beat. Anyway, it’s sparse and short, but it really works. Vote.

Obese Chess- How dare you desecrate my favorite game. The reverb is headache inducing. The beat is boring but could have been passable. The flow and the lyrics are terribly weak. I like the random accordion. This is the only song of the fight I don’t like. IT sounds like you didn’t spend much time on this and you weren’t very inspired.

Paco del Stinko- I like the chord motion of this a lot. The backing vocals tickle me, especially the “ooh la la”. Stellar musicianship as to be expected. The pseudo accordion is great for the solo. The bass line steals the show though. This gets a vote.

Torrent Z- I generally dislike this genre. However you did everything to appeal to those of us who like music in our music. The beat is infectious and phat. The vocals are tight and precise. The chorus has a very catchy melody. Is there any cross pollination from Emergency Pizza Party? I could be convinced this was from them. I see you’re both on Scrub Club but I can’t quite tell the personnel. Quite an awesome sample to use, and used very well. What is it? I like the Euro rapper, I like the female rapper too. Actually they’re all good. I’ve been saying “Fuk Vu” for years. This was my favorite on my 1st listen, but as most novelty songs, it’s just not as enjoyable with repeated listens. That first listen sure packs a punch though. This gets a vote from me. Awesome!

So my votes go to:

BSS
Minty Handy
Paco del Stinko
TorrentZ

[Billy's Little Trip]

but emulates Bock Rockin Beats by the Chemical Brothers

Ha. It does, kind of. Even though I was going for more of a southern rock thing with a twist. I guess the twist twisted a little to far east, lol.

....Back with another of those block rockin' beats

By the way, I read all of the reviews. Thanks to all for the advice and thoughts. It makes me change things up to find a niche. Of course it helps having pros musicians collaborating with me.

Reviews to come.

[mcmilkplusuk]

Torrent Z- I generally dislike this genre. However you did everything to appeal to those of us who like music in our music. The beat is infectious and phat. The vocals are tight and precise. The chorus has a very catchy melody. Is there any cross pollination from Emergency Pizza Party? I could be convinced this was from them. I see you’re both on Scrub Club but I can’t quite tell the personnel. Quite an awesome sample to use, and used very well. What is it? I like the Euro rapper, I like the female rapper too. Actually they’re all good. I’ve been saying “Fuk Vu” for years. This was my favorite on my 1st listen, but as most novelty songs, it’s just not as enjoyable with repeated listens. That first listen sure packs a punch though. This gets a vote from me. Awesome!

First... thanks. Torrentz does include members of EPP from time to time and they have always been a huge influence, especially their first album. The sample was lifted from a compilation of French Accordian music called "Cafe de Paris"

I'm pleased 'cause this is the first time we have managed to get British, USA & Australian accents in 1 track.

[Ebola-Cide00]

Im suprised on how good all the songs were considering the name of the song, It may just be me but I found it a little difficult to make something good out of it, but everyone especially Torrentz wrote some good lyrics. I was writing some material that I thaught was good but not for lyrics to a song. my story was going to be about a guy trying to pick up some french women but he had to learn some french only through Google translate because Rosetta Stone was too expensive, I dont know but it didnt turn out as planned for me. Good job everyone

[Ebola-Cide00]

Juliet's Happy Dagger song sounds a lot like songs Pheobe Buffet from friends would play, in a good way.

[Caravan Ray]

Right on. Just remind your fans that they can vote for more than one! In fact, I have been thinking of making it a requirement. Spread the love, yo!

That's a good idea if it is easily do-able. Do it.

[Ebola-Cide00]

Just downloaded Torrentz new cd, pretty bad ass

[fatback supreme]

Glad you like the cd Ebola-Cide00. Took awhile to get together an entire album about food finished but now that its done We are very proud of the end result it was alot of fun to make. We are already hard at work on our next album hope to have it released by spring of next year.

[Ebola-Cide00]

How did you get Beefy on you guys record? Beefy is tha shit. Mc Lars' song Uncanny ft. Beefy is the shit too.

[fatback supreme]

How did you get Beefy on you guys record? Beefy is tha shit. Mc Lars' song Uncanny ft. Beefy is the shit too.

That's some Klop magic there, the dude is mad talented and has mad connects I was just ultra pumped to be on a track with him!

[Ebola-Cide00]

Im meetin with Mc Lars in October, He wants to hear some of my stuff, hopefully I get to work on some stuff with him.