I Can't Believe I Ate the Yellow. (When it Snowed Reviews)

[Caravan Ray]

In a different thread:

If this band was playing this song in a bar would I be interested in moving closer to hear them better?

This seems like a good way to approach a review. I will give each song a score in metres based on how close to the stage I am when the song finishes playing:

Ants Invisible:
You’ve got my attention – but I’m not leaving my spot at the bar. If this went for longer, you may have started drawing me in
9m

Boltoph:
Right from the first chord you get my attention. I’d grab my beer and head towards the stage – great voice
2m

Caravan Ray:
I'm on! Not the sort of music I really like to listen to myself - but I'm pleased with how it came out as a song. This will be a great stage/pub song - I'm sure I'll find many opportunities to play this in the future
0m

Cashmere Cat:
Interesting, but a bit too camp. I back back a bit.
3m

Casiochoir:
I enjoyed you song last week. 2 in a row is too much though. I head back to the bar.
10m

Catboys:
Good – a chance to go for a piss.
50 m

Chingaling:
… and a crap.
60m

Deshead:
Song starts – I run back from the trough. Dunno, it sounds alright – but I’m losing interest – I head back to the bar.
10m

J$:
Very nice, intimate sound. I head back to the front and sit cross-legged on the floor. Good song – I’m enjoying it, nice production.
1m

Johnny Cochran:
I’ve still got half a beer – so I’ll stay here for this one. Great gee-tar. Got a Crazy Horse sort of feel to it. I roll backwards and writhe on the floor like a dying fish. This is really cool.
1m

Kamakura:
Nice song – good voice – good effort – not for me though. Beer time. 10m Though you do keep my interest all the way through.
Creep back to 7m.

Layman:
Annoyng. THe music just sounds very fake. There’s a bloke over there I know…I wander off…
20m

Masters of Grip:
I’m tempted to move back to the stage – but only to jam that flute up an appropriate oriface. A tad dull – I’ve heard much better from MOG. And I really don’t like the flute.
15m

NullDynamo:
Some spotty teenagers in black t-shirts seem to be on stage. This just lacks any energy. It drags badly. I’m going outside to find a hotdog.
30m

Pileus:
Not my thing – but I’m happy to watch and listen. Pretty good effort – I quite like this.
5m

Revelyth:
A chick on stage! Go closer. Nice voice – song a bit dull – and that percussion that comes in is really annoying. I go back to the bar.
10m

Silkbikinimussolini:
Songs OK but vocals off key. Also, backing music too midi-y - if that makes sense. Too much beer…run outside and vomit.
40m

SleazyD:
The vomiting has stopped – but I still don’t feel very well. The vocals don’t seem to work for me – like they’re just not quite on the beat. And the noodly keyboards are boring me. Good effort – just not my cup of tea at all.
18m

You pourapearl:
No much happening here…if I leave now I can probably get the last bus…50m


I would call Boltoph, J$ and Johnny Cochran back for encores. Great song by j$ - definitely one of my favourites of yours – but by the end of the night – Johnny Cochran has got me stripped to my undies and dancing on a table – the LoFi Blues Experience gets my vote.

[j$]

Catboys:
Good – a chance to go for a piss.
50 m

Chingaling:
… and a crap.
60m
[/color].

Now that's a loooong crap. Unless you're despoiling the ladies' of course ...

[boltoph]

Dear Yth, The truth is I love listening to your song too. I tried to listen to more at your site but most of the songs are no longer up?

I'm not writing songs and sending them in here to prove any kind of point, to get reviews or to care what people think, I write them because I love doing it. That's all. Knowing that someone, even if only one person, enjoyed one of my songs rocks my world and makes it all worth it. Thank you.

[Hoblit]

So Coal Chamber got back together for this fight?

(Null Dynamo)

I like this tune...

[D. Evil]

So Coal Chamber got back together for this fight?

(Null Dynamo)

I like this tune...

hahahahahahahhaha..... that rocks dude.... definitely not the comparison i was expecting, but hell.... we've been called much worse, i'm sure.

NullDynamo:
Some spotty teenagers in black t-shirts seem to be on stage. This just lacks any energy. It drags badly. I’m going outside to find a hotdog.
30m

hrmmm.... we'll try less hard not to kill people next time then.

[Hoblit]

So Coal Chamber got back together for this fight?

(Null Dynamo)

I like this tune...

hahahahahahahhaha..... that rocks dude.... definitely not the comparison i was expecting, but hell.... we've been called much worse, i'm sure.

Yo, dude, that was a compliment. I loved Coal Chamber. *SMILEY*

[D. Evil]

So Coal Chamber got back together for this fight?

(Null Dynamo)

I like this tune...

hahahahahahahhaha..... that rocks dude.... definitely not the comparison i was expecting, but hell.... we've been called much worse, i'm sure.

Yo, dude, that was a compliment. I loved Coal Chamber. *SMILEY*

hehehhe, i wasn't saying it was an insult man... coal chamber's really not too bad..... so that's much better than the 'i think orc vocals are creepy old man' crap from the two-party reveiw or the 'why did you spoil the nice goth song?' from the brit... though i did wanna tell sleazy he was being too hard on himself in his own reveiw... that was really a pretty amusing cut... still, thanks hoblitizer dude .

btw - i also think ray was bein' a little hard on Desh, yo.... honestly? the deshead cut was one of the best things here... i guess that must be his style bias, after all, he ranked the j money song pretty high and really? they were the same thing for a different audience... little guitar and limerick style light go-along vocals.... perfect open mic night at the pub... amusing but.... hehehe. i dunno. i liked ray's more though.... less erratic/the 808 was funny as fuck... still not my style... not much for bar music, that's usually the kind of stuff that gets crapped out while we're warming up for something fun. thereagain, like PZ said, you guys don't seem to get much metal here.... anyways.

[Caravan Ray]

btw - i also think ray was bein' a little hard on Desh, yo.... honestly? the deshead cut was one of the best things here... i guess that must be his style bias, after all, he ranked the j money song pretty high and really? they were the same thing for a different audience... little guitar and limerick style light go-along vocals.... perfect open mic night at the pub...

At you suggestion I went back and re-listened. I tend to review quickly and I'm sure I will sometimes dismiss good songs on a first listen.

But - new listen pretty much confirmed original. Obviously Deshead is one of the best writer/performers/producers here - everything he enters deserves major-label worldwide release - but using 15-16's 'reviewing device' of "if I heard this band in the pub, would I watch them" - the simple answer is J$ song would catch my attention - Deshead's one wouldn't (BTW: it's not often I like J$ songs - I usually complain about his vocals )

But you are right - the two songs are actually quite similar in a lot of ways - I hadn't noticed that earlier. Maybe not "the same thing for a different audience" as you said - I'm sure there will be others who like both, one or the other, or neither. This is why opinions are like arseholes: we all have one and you probably shouldn't go around poking your nose into others.

[erik]

i also think ray was bein' a little hard on Desh, yo.... honestly? the deshead cut was one of the best things here... i guess that must be his style bias, after all, he ranked the j money song pretty high and really?

All he said basically was "I don't like this song". No one should feel obligated to like a song just because it's well recorded. There are many, many reasons to dislike a well-recorded song besides "style bias".

[Eric Y.]

cashmere cat

I'd like to know what this beatles song is!!!

we'll get back to you on that -- need to hear the song again first.
but i just wanted to point out i had no idea you were (at least associated with) cashmere cat! in my review i totally said that carol cleveland and future boy had the cuteness market cornered already... not realising that this basically was carol cleveland. (or if i'm wrong, please tell me who cashmere cat actually is -- is it you collabing with somebody else or something?) so basically my review then would boil down to "hey, you oughtn't do the kind of music you do because you already do music like you do."

[j$]

the j money song ... little guitar and limerick style light go-along vocals....

it's j$, or Johnny Cashpoint. Or if you must, Johnny Ca$hpoint. Never J Money. Thank you.

(BTW: it's not often I like J$ songs - I usually complain about his vocals

Not publicly, you don't. And do you mind? I am in the room.

j$

[Stevie Windsor]

Cat Boys The chorus has a weird off kilter tempo. The rapping is lame.

Silk Bikini Mussolini One point for the band name, none for the song.

Sleazy D Collective The organ playing is nice if a little too stretched out. This might have been better if you had more interplay of the organ around the rap parts.

Rebel Yth A lovely All About Eve style voice, excellent production. Its all very atmospheric but not really at the end of the day not much of a song. I was in a band that did this sort of stuff for 4 years, so I’ve tended to develop an aversion to the style.

You Pour A Pearl Yet another sound collage on a sequencer. It does sound like you just added the snow foot print sounds to make it fit the title.

Johnny Cochrans Blues Experience When this started I was thinking this is going to be very bad, but it got better with some good guitar playing in places. A more interesting drum backing would have brought this a lot more to life.

Casio Choir That’s all we need, another smurf song

Pileus Good production, but repetitive and boring.

Boltolph Those piano chords could do with a lighter touch, vocals are nice. It’s half a song but a nice one.

Ants Short and clever, well performed

Null Dynamo I only really like this type of music when its played a lot faster. This just plods along without much effect. Good guitar sound though.

Chingaling This was I guess a lot more interesting to create then it was to listen to.

Layman Like the discordant piano progression. Don’t like the vocals.

Cashmere Cat I usually dislike this fairground music stuff, but this has a good little tune. The ‘old vinyl recording’ effect works really well.

Kamakura Slow,stately and well sung. Builds the mood well over its 2 minutes. Not so sure about the second keyboard sound that comes in at around 1.15.

Caravan Ray I usually like your stuff and this is an ok catchy sing-along aussie pub track, but I don’t the vocals, and it tips over too much into caricature.

Deshead Yet another quality Deshead tune. How do you get such good acoustic guitar recordings? Not your best song I’ve heard but a top chorus and a cool solo to end with.

Johnny Cashpoint Ah! This was the wind sound effect we were looking for at the start of our song. Guitar sounds a tad too harsh in the mix but that’s the only production quibble. Some of the tracks in this fight had good production but uninteresting songwriting. This song and Deshead were the only tracks that managed to combine both.

Masters Of Grip (us) Our detour off the path of rock into pastoral folk Perhaps the flute was overdone and shouldn’t have been played all the way through but I think that this has some of the best Balham lyrics and vocals. Ta to Sarah for backing vocals.

A big fight but one of the weakest for a while.

1 Johnny Cashpoint (vote)
2 Deshead
3 Kamakura
4 Cashmere Cat
5 Ants

[HeuristicsInc]

1: cashpoint, ants, cochran, sleazyd, revelyth, deshead, nulld
2: cashmere, caravan, masters, pileus, layman, kam, boltoph

deshead is my favorite one, so he got my vote.
cashpoint was my runner-up. weirdo
-bill

[j$]

You know, when I saw you had posted in the review thread, Bill, before clicking on 'to read', I thought oh it will be his reviews, and he will have voted for Deshead and I'll be runner up. Ain't that weird?

Not a particularly useful superpower to have, mind, but any road, Psychic-prediction-of-reviews Boy up, up and away!

j$

[tonetripper]

I voted for Revel Yth. The anthropomorphic nature of the lyrics combined with the melody of the clouds coming to snow were excellent and the delivery of them very moving. The drum tones could have used some work. 8)

Botolph came second. I loved the moodiness of the guy and piano. Well done.

Third was Deshead for obvious production points. Jealous. The songwriting was alright.

Good fight all!!! Thanks for the music.

[deshead]

Our resident psychic got my vote, though it was close. That Sleazy D track is wild.

I promise full reviews later when this whole "Monday morning" business is out of the way.

[HeuristicsInc]

Not a particularly useful superpower to have, mind, but any road, Psychic-prediction-of-reviews Boy up, up and away!

Not my reviews, exactly, because I definitely don't have time for them.. but I do what I have time for.
It's funny you foresaw my comments, because I don't usually even post runners-up! Funny man.
-bill

[deshead]

The number of reviews was not proportionate to the number of entries. Methinks many of the entries were jokes.

Ants (Invisible): I look forward to these more every week. You did a great job conjuring a snow-scape with the music. Even though I'd have a hard time voting for it 'cause there's not much 'song' to it, I enjoyed this a lot.

Boltoph: This would have gotten my vote if J$ hadn't stepped it up. (And I'm really surprised you only got the single vote .. You deserved more.) The piano sounds great. Your voice, too ... I loves me some breathy vocals. Actually, the whole song has a great feel to it (though the "ninja" line broke the spell for a moment.) I also love songs that end abruptly, like this re

Caravan Ray: (Heh, your emu avatar was perfect.) I think the bass thump is too loud for the style of song. Especially since the guitar strum is already keeping time perfectly .. I'd let that drive the rhythm. It sounds like you're having fun, though, which really makes the song!

Cashmere Cat: Being for the Benefit of a Day in the Life of Lady Madonna.

Casio Choir: Well done. Thanks for keeping it so short.

The Cat Boys: All the percussion is off-time. Like maybe even a full 8th note? I have a hard time reviewing this 'cause I can't tell what you were going for. I mean, as far as rap goes, it's ... not good. Unless you were deliberately going for something goofy. In which case, it may be too good.

Chingaling: Your voice lacks bottom-end pretty severely.

Johnny Cashpoint: There are lots of clicks in the first 30 seconds, but I don't think it's clipping. Sounds more like you didn't fade the ends of some clips? Anyway, it's only a minor distraction. This was easily the most interesting song of the week, and it deserved my vote. (It also deserved to win, IMO, but that's out of our hands now.)

Johnny Cochran's Lo-Fi Blues Experience: The solo is great, but the sequenced high hat is distracting. I'd lose it altogether, the mix doesn't need it. It also sounds like you pushed the mic too hard in a couple of places (for example "snowed" at 0:34, and "wooo" at the end.)

Kamakura: I like that you kept to the minimal arrangement. It really suits the song. I give this the "best hook of the week" award, for the chorus. One of the few standouts in this week's fight (Cashpoint, Boltoph's vocals, and that Sleazy Hammond being the others.)

Layman: I can't tell if I'm supposed to hear the lyrics, because I can't, but that doesn't actually detract from the feeling. It's so eclectic. Too short to get my vote, but that doesn't mean I disliked it.

Masters of Grip: I think the kick drum needs more bottom. There's nothing south of 40Hz in this mix. The rest of the instrumentation works, though, even the flute. I'd say this is the best optional challenge entry. Heh, and 2 votes to prove it.

Null Dynamo: Congrats on the victory, contingent on whether or not your buddies at least listened to Cashpoint before voting. This is a good track, for what it is. Some mix feedback: I can't hear a word you're saying. The lead vocal needs to be louder, and the kick drum is stepping all over it. Roll off everything between 160Hz and 500Hz on the kick track. There's also some really bad phasing on the guitars, and an incessant ring at 1KHz in the right channel. It sounds like you put the mic inside a coffee can. Is there a bass guitar in the mix? I'm not sure the song has enough bottom end. Also, I couldn't tell from your comments: were you kidding with the 'gurgly' voice?

Pileus: This is good. I think you just need a better balance between the low and high frequencies: more bass, less snare, and louder vocals. I enjoyed it, though.

Revel Yth: I'm really surprised you didn't get way more votes. This has a really interesting mix of parts. It held my interest despite the lack of an obvious hook (though that's a hook in itself when done right.) I think it just needs some production polish: the highs on the drums are harsh in places, your voice loses distinction at times fighting with the guitar, and the whole mix could be compressed and made louder.

Silk Bikini Mussolini: I think there's a drum track under those voices. I guess I know what you were going for, but frankly, I don't think this song works. It's all over the place. If you got a better balance between the backing tracks and the vocals (mostly the vocals need to be a lot quieter,) and tightened the timing, it would be a lot better.

The Sleazy D Collective: Well performed and really well mixed. You got a great blend of all the parts so I can still hear everything. (Did you deliberately mix it to sound mono?) Don't dare make the organ solo any shorter.

You Pour a Pearl: I know it's all about the riff played on that bell synth, but that part's still mixed too loud.

Deshead: Thanks for all the feedback.

How do you get such good acoustic guitar recordings?

I'm pretty sure it's all the guitar, which I'll have to return to its owner any day now. <sigh>. But I just use new strings, and an SM58 about 3 inches off the 12th fret, pointed 15 degrees towards the sound hole.

[D. Evil]

Null Dynamo: Congrats on the victory, contingent on whether or not your buddies at least listened to Cashpoint before voting. This is a good track, for what it is. Some mix feedback: I can't hear a word you're saying. The lead vocal needs to be louder, and the kick drum is stepping all over it. Roll off everything between 160Hz and 500Hz on the kick track. There's also some really bad phasing on the guitars, and an incessant ring at 1KHz in the right channel. It sounds like you put the mic inside a coffee can. Is there a bass guitar in the mix? I'm not sure the song has enough bottom end. Also, I couldn't tell from your comments: were you kidding with the 'gurgly' voice?

'MURDER THEM... I... MURDER THEM... In The Competiton Cuz I Never Heard Of Them... I....'

(i'll apologize for that later, right now i'm still kinda happy we won our first fight.)

anyways, hehehehe.....

well, the 'gurgly' voice (as it were, we actually call those 'orc vocals' around our campfire) is usually how i tend to sing in the stuff that we normally do.... of course, that's 'metal' of the 'extreme' variant generally speaking, so it's kind of understandable that many of them people here had no idea how to approach the vocal format. the 'joke' was more the lyrical content and overall feel... as J Money was kind enough to open his jaw and point out, we were 'ruining a perfectly pleasant goth song' - which is what we set out to do, so... mission complete? hehehe.

as for your cut, d-d-ddamn.... good job homie. i'da figured you were gonna kill our asses, as it turned out, you didn't, but still.... i liked your cut a lot... well made, nice sounding, does justice to the concept, and the overall production, well.... i think sleazy was right when he said you got a double ten... hell, i *liked* your song and i HATE most anything that sounds even remotely like radio rock. thereagain, if there was more rock like that on the radio, i might not spend so much time listening to ISP (*not* ICP, my daily alcohol intake doesn't support that much abuse anymore) KMFDM and God Dethroned.

as for J Money's cut, well.... like I said, pub songs don't really impress me all that much. That's the kinda shit that happens when we're all too stoned to play anything seriously. amusing, but... ehhh... heh. maybe if it was a freestyle competition? still, raw execution seems to be a large part of the point on the chopping block here... if you're gonna do something quite that silly, at least make it *sound* like you tried. like we did .

anyways, thanks for the feedback y'all... this has definitely been an interesting experience....

[j$]

Just because I didn't like your song never meant it is or isn't any good. This crazy thing called 'personal opinion'. It's a review board, I gave you a review, as far as I'm concerned that's that.

As always, I was nowhere near winning so a pissing contest is totally irrelevant. I've annoyed worse and better musicians than your good selves before with my reviews. Plus ca change and all that.

Feel free to have the last word.

j$

[Caravan Ray]

(BTW: it's not often I like J$ songs - I usually complain about his vocals

Not publicly, you don't. And do you mind? I am in the room.
j$

I was just trying to distance myself from your hordes of adoring fans and J$-freaks who think that everything you do is good

eg.

Half a Stone: …I think ‘dull’ is pretty much pronounced the same both sides of the Atlantic. Neither the lyrics nor the performance is doing much for me here…

Shaving in the Dark: …your deep voice sounds good. Your higher register makes me look back fondly on the times you were singing deep…

[D. Evil]

Just because I didn't like your song never meant it is or isn't any good. This crazy thing called 'personal opinion'. It's a review board, I gave you a review, as far as I'm concerned that's that.

As always, I was nowhere near winning so a pissing contest is totally irrelevant. I've annoyed worse and better musicians than your good selves before with my reviews. Plus ca change and all that.

Feel free to have the last word.

j$

hehehehe... wow, you take things waaaaay personally homie.... it's all good. you actually get a couple points for interesting use of images in your lyrics, btw - even though i'd expect something like that to come more outta our bassist than some random ninja in U.K. land. besides... listen to jim croce's 'the ball of kerrymuir' sometime, just because it's a little simplistic doesn't make it a horrible song, quite the opposite really. guess i was expecting a bit more polish? anyways man... peace.

oh, and desh - hehehe, we're fair people. of course we listen to things before passing judgement. but we also didn't tell 27 people to vote for us... we don't even know that many people unless you start factoring family pets and relatives and other strange shit... since i don't know many fish with internet access.... though it honestly wouldn't surprise me if the cats had something of that sort.... well, anyways.