Nur Ein XX Round Two "Flower Moon"

[Niveous]

The Nur Ein continues with Round Two

Title: Flower Moon

Challenge: Narrative song about a murder.

Create a new original song from the prompt by June 01 at 11:59 PM Eastern.

Email your song to nurein.sidefight@gmail.com

[BoffoYux]

Monday 6/2 Round 2 - 10:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9psLW8_jCRU




Another meeting on Monday, but hoping it's not like the marathon session for Round 0.
Confidence is much higher we have a 10pm start this week. It helps I'm not actually presenting this time as well.

[arby]

we're in, birches!

[arby]

*bitches

[WreckdoMelle]

Just in time! Brown Word & WreckdoM in. Whoot!

[Niveous]

Songs are up.

[Pigfarmer Jr]

Some thoughts. I read the lyrics before listening so the amount of commenting on them is not necessarily proportional to their importance in my feelings on the songs.

BSS - I like the arrangement. There’s a texture here that I like a lot, especially on repeated listens. The chorus melody isn’t complicated but it’s catchy. The lyric was pretty good except for a line or two that seemed a little forced. But I admire the AABB rhyme scheme that doesn’t sound nursery at all. And the phrasing of the lines in the melody is often a highpoint of the song. I also like the third person narrative of a person considering murder as retaliation for a murder. Gives it a personal angle while maintaining a more traditional story effect. That drum intro is brief but cool. The depth in the vocal works well for me. The guitars are cool, too.

Brown Word - An interesting lyrical take. A murder to hide a murder but I don’t get why it’s imperative to get rid of the accomplice now (after twenty years?) Two murders for the price of one is starting to be a theme but I think it mostly works. There’s a seemingly natural rhythm reading the lyric that I like. I wish it was a little more consistent. As a result I like the spoken verses more than would be typical for me. I like the heartbeat. The mix isn’t especially clear but I’m guessing this is a result of live playing and, to be fair, I can hear everything pretty well so it’s not bad.

Carlo Bruno Jr - Reading the lyric it seems a little clunky in places. It’s a cool take, though. I’m not sure I understand why someone would willingly put on the white robe after expressing concerns and fear and being “locked in that room”, though. I like the vocal in the introduction. And the cool rhythm. The groove is cool when it hits. Doubling the vocal with the guitar in the right channel works well for me, too. It might make that side a little off balance, though. Cool groove. (Did I mention that?) I’m digging this.

Cavedwellers - That opening stanza has a lovely ABCBDBEB rhyme scheme that works marvelously while reading it. I’m only a little disappointed that it doesn’t continue later. (It’s hard to maintain, so I completely understand.) I like the detail of the bike in the lyric, too. I like the moments of imagery in the lyric and wish there was a little more. I think the 6/8 time is a natural murder telling rhythm. I like the arrangement. I don’t think the vocal is especially out of place but it does seem to be a bit heavy when trying to listen to the backing music behind it. That’s a cool chorus. The organ is good, too. The bridge is smooth.

Cybronica - Reading the lyric, a good part of it is excellent. And it reads as a murder of either persuasion. It *could* allude to a real murder as well as the feathered variety. After all, it doesn’t really say at the end. The sparse arrangement works to bring out the vocal and the lyric. I find the dramatic vocal performance works well with the allusion to a murder. The chorus of voices works well with your intended explanation. I may feel a bit like the arrangement leaves me feeling like it’s lacking a little bit. But I don’t really have suggestions to improve it.

Eric Novak - The lyric leaves me with questions. I like that I’m not given all the answers. (And forgive me if it’s pretty darn obvious.) Still, the hint of redemption, and the lack of certainty, gives the lyric a feeling of wistfulness and foreboding as I read it. I like the drums but they might be a little heavy in the mix. The tentative vocal is a turn off, to be honest.

The Friends - Death to AI!!! I don’t know if it’s the vocal effect but this mix sounds a little muddy or.. smudgy? The chorus is catchy and I like the doubled vocal on it. That lack of clarity in the vocal is especially noticeable on the bridge. I like the arrangement well enough. I’m liking the melodies and feel more on repeated listens.

Glennny - Reading through, I like this lyric a lot. The exceptions are the sicker rhyme and spelling out/saying murder suicide. But I see it’s repeated at the end and I think it works as a sort of hook in that sense. (It’s lovely at the end, I love that doubled vocal.) I think I just wanted more intimation and less spelling out. (Also, the clicker/sicker rhyme works better sung than read, I think.) The “you’re my favorite person” section sounds entirely too happy to be suggesting taking poison but somehow it works in a sort of Clockwork Orange way. This really takes me on a journey musically. This more than most of the songs requires repeated listens to get a grip on how I feel about it. There’s so much to like but so many little things that are just… a hair out of expectation. Which is probably a good compliment. There’s something about the mix/production that doesn’t feel just right but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Which is less than helpful, sorry.

Jellyfish - I like this lyric a lot. I anticipated the twist fairly easily, after all we know what the challenge is, but I liked it well enough. The first two stanzas had that internal rhyme in the third line which was a tasty, and effective, touch. But I was sad to see it didn’t carry over to later stanzas/sections. I’m not a huge fan of talk singing and I’m trying to decide if the contrast with the pretty piano more than makes up for my innate bias. I’ll say that it works better here than I expected. The mix isn’t exactly right here, the vocal seems to vary in volume a bit in places although I think it’s more a matter of certain notes popping more than others. It’s not a huge thing but I noticed it. The ending is… very well done and a little off putting. The sound effect I think might be over the top a bit. But I still like the idea.

Ken Mahru - I like this lyric as well. Not exactly a twist but the payoff is effective, if expected. I like the rhyme scheme and feel it’s effective as well. The melody is a little sing-songy, the backing reinforces that feeling slightly, but I am enjoying the song and don’t think it’s poorly written or badly done. Maybe it’s just that melody being so repetitive. I love the harmony vox layered with the lead. There’s a hint or an edge in the vocal delivery that works for me as well. The more I listen the more I like the musical accompaniment. Overall, I’m not exactly sure where this song sits but there’s not much for me not to like.

Le Tits - You had me enjoying and glued to the story while reading through the lyric. Another song with a nice little reveal/twist at the end. And it was well done. I like the melody and vocal inflection right from the start. The vocal might be up a hair but maybe I just want to hear the backing better when the vocal is in full force. I’m a little mixed in my feelings on this one. I don’t dislike it but it also doesn’t grab me as much as I want it to, or maybe it could.

Lean Mean - So I read through the lyric and didn’t see a murder. Your explanation is tenuous at best. I think this is an escape song with a delusional revenge tangent just from reading through. Or maybe it’s a suspected of murder song, which might be close to the challenge. Regardless, I’m not holding it against you too much. Your vocal doesn’t grab me much. I love the bass and that groove. It’s a good arrangement. I really like the ‘blew up the moon’ hook/outro. Yeah, I’m not really sure how to take this overall.

Lucky Witch - It isn’t good or bad, but I noticed the lyric has thirteen original lines out of a total of twenty four. That first stanza/verse has a lot of repetition of the word time and all four lines end on that same rhyme/word. Yet in the second verse, third stanza, only two lines rhyme. Again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not as consistent and I was noticing it as I read through just before pressing play. I like the idea of using two voices and I think it works with the murder scene.

Max - Interesting take on the challenge, a nice little angle. I enjoy it when someone takes a unique approach. Love that dirty grit and rhythm right from the start of the music. The bass is solid. Musically, I dig this a lot. The melody is alright, I like that downward angle in the verse lines. The vocal performance is decent. Digging this a lot on repeated listens.

Micah - I’m torn between liking and wondering about the lyrical implication. It is definitely enticing. I think it’s fair to ask if there really was a murder. Still, I like the angle you’ve taken. The intro vocal sounds very good. There’s a stronger sense of folk influence here than in some other entries and it’s done with a fresh take, I think. I like the accordion used as a backing instrument, I think the arrangement works well.

Sober - This reads the most like a traditional murder ballad with a bonus murder/wrongly accused which is so integral to many of these stories. Not new ground but solid. I like that this was based on actual events, as several songs were. I’m assuming the guilty mayor is your own contribution to the story? This musical accompaniment scratches an itch I have from time to time, I like it well. It’s arranged well and there’s a bit of a dynamic change in the performance that I like.

WreckdoM - I like this lyric quite a lot reading through. There is one line that doesn’t make complete sense to me, “A recipe for all my ears care” but there’s a rhythm that I like quite a bit and I love the imagery. Lots of phrases, lines and half lines that are interesting. I’ll not mention the last line. I like the outro sample, a good one. The melody isn’t my favorite and it sounds like the doubled vocal is slightly dissonant on purpose, for effect, and I’m not sure how much I appreciate it. I do like the gritty instrument and the weaving.. synth? The bass is nice and deep and the rhythm is steadily familiar. I like that you push the envelope a bit but it’s also hard for me to appreciate beyond the intellectual/technical angle.

[erin.]

Hello! I haven't posted reviews in a long while. Now that we are starting to eliminate folks, I feel like it's a good time to chime in.
If you don't know me, I've been quietly lurking around for a long time in the SF world. I mostly just participate in Nur Ein , but will submit occasionally in the weekly fight or other side fights when the opportunity strikes! I'm primarily a singer and songwriter with broadly reaching and eclectic influences.

BSS- A little dark and psychedelic. Catchy chorus despite the sad premise. Plenty of vocal drama, the drums have some tension, and there are solid and melodic guitar lines. My critique about the lyrics is to focus less on spelling out the details and to encourage more poeticism.

BW and the BW- Lyrically interesting. I enjoy spoken word. The instrumentation is produced and arranged well. The inconsistent pitch of the sung parts are dissonant and distracting me from the whole of the song.

CB Jr - Sinister and intriguing! I can feel the vibe you’re going for, and it’s working. I’m not thrilled about your use of harmonies, as they sound a bit flat to me. I appreciate the effort that you put into them.

Cavedwellers - A jangly and clever geographic ballad about biking around Berkeley. Rhyming crimey and grimey provides a good chuckle. I’m not sure if the chorus lyrics fit this song? It’s growing on me.

Cybronica- Ambitious arrangement. Creative lyrics and story telling. As you may have gathered, I want most people to put more focus on their vocal performance and pay attention to their pitch. The call and response part of this arrangement could use some adjustment. I understand that often dissonant harmonies are used to create texture, but it’s all about the application. In this case, I’m uncertain of what the goal was. I’m curious to know how it would sound to you if you edited those response parts down to maybe just a three part harmony? Harmony is the vertical aspect and melody the horizontal aspect - finding the balance is the magic!

Erik Novak - What is going on with your instruments here Erik? There is a real song in here that I want to hear! Your vocals and some of the instruments are not in tune, and it’s making it very difficult for me to follow what you're saying. I know there are lyrics posted, but it’s making it hard for me to care! Lining up doubled vocals in a ballad type of song is especially important because we are trying to listen to the story - so we can really notice when you’re not matching up with yourself. The devil’s in the details my dude.

The Friends - OK, we’re cooking here. We have all the flavors and this is well composed. The backups could use a little extra sauce but there’s a lot that is working.

Glenny- Great lyrics. Well sung overall and the arrangement is varied and captivating. Watch out for those high notes!

Grumpy Mike - Immunity is sweet!

Jellyfish D’amour - You had me fooled! That first verse was so sincere that I almost forgot who this was. Well done lad. This genre was seemingly made for you. Are you playing the piano? It’s great either way. I love how you took us from lovesick ballad to bawdy sea-shanty in just a verse. Classic.

Ken - Psychological and CREEPY. I’m not sure what’s more disturbing; the story itself or the jaunty little tune that it’s set to? Melodica = cute. It’s got a seaworthy lilt to it. Are you trying to freak me out? Mission accomplished.

Le tits now - The story is well told. Your arrangement supports it well, but it’s lacking a little panache and personality. There are some vocal issues that could use some massaging. It’s mostly ticking all the boxes.

LGGM - That bass is indeed groovy. I can’t really follow what you’re saying all the time but it’s entertaining. I’m not against joke songs, but they usually land better for me if I can hear all the jokes. I know that everyone posts the lyrics, but this is about the whole package.

LWRG - I have to be honest- I sort of expected you to nail this one, and you did not disappoint.
You’re giving me grungy Cure vibes and SO much more. Please add this to your future live show sets.

Max - Chonky, chewy guitar treats! I know that isn’t at all technically helpful, but I think you get me? It’s late and I’m making less sense. Thank you so very much for being in tune. An expertly woven trope. Extra points for the ending.

Micah - Even though the story is very “circle of life” and vocals are sweet, the drum machine is pretty lackluster. I’m not sure this is a murder ballad?

Sober - As a native northern Vermonter, I appreciate this. Gorgeous. “The Whippoorwill sings his tune” really sticks with me. You’re nailing this genre and the production is solid. Lot’s of emotion in there and you’re giving me some Marty Robbins.

Wreckdom- I’m confused and nauseated, which I’m pretty sure is the desired effect of this swirl of sounds and ideas. All the while, there is a beat that keeps sort of skipping and stumbling me along on this journey. It’s that flashback to a horror movie that I wasn’t supposed to see when I was little, but I somehow saw some of it from the next room and now I don’t really know what I saw but I know it was really scary.

[carlo bruno jr]

...I’m not sure I understand why someone would willingly put on the white robe after expressing concerns and fear and being “locked in that room”, though....

Once again, I'm back with my disclaimer that I'm not an English speaker. And, well, it's a song lyric, and there's not much room for clarification. That said, I'll try to explain the situation: the person speaking in the first person is the one who's worried because their (still unknown) future killer is spending a lot of time locked in that room. When the future victim presses their ear to the door, they hear some sounds that will later be revealed to correspond to the many crossbow shooting tests the killer has been secretly conducting. The thing about the white tunic is that it's been hanging there for a few days, waiting to be used. That hanging tunic gives it a sinister vibe even though it's white. Why does the victim agree to wear the tunic to go out for their last walk on the hill? Because somehow they still trust their partner, who had explained that what he was up to was a surprise. And it was...
Although it may seem obvious to explain it, I'll do it: the killer plans to have him wear the white robe so that, on the night of the full moon, he can comfortably aim at the victim while he runs desperately for his survival.

...I’m not thrilled about your use of harmonies, as they sound a bit flat to me...

And for me too! I use these harmonies to mask my obvious weaknesses as a vocalist. I manage to give the vocals a bit more depth, but you can't expect miracles no matter how many vocal layers I add.

[ken]

Ken - Psychological and CREEPY. I’m not sure what’s more disturbing; the story itself or the jaunty little tune that it’s set to? Melodica = cute. It’s got a seaworthy lilt to it. Are you trying to freak me out? Mission accomplished.

Thanks. I meant for that to be a harmonica, kind of like how Dylan will sing a verse and then play a bit of harmonica in between. That was my thinking anyway...

[WreckdoMelle]

Overall great batch! The implementation of the title was varied between making total sense to seeming shoehorned but I tried to not let that detract too much from my overall opinion of the song.


Berkeley Social Scene - This satisfies the non-optional challenge, a story of the sort I don't care to dwell on though I have read a lotta gritty stuff, brrr. I found this chorus catchy in that it popped back into my head at least once. I didn't quite care for the vocal delivery on this piece however, though everything sounds good, the instruments and mix etc.


Brown Word and the Big Whine - This one presented all sorts of technical challenges for me due to the bright sound I wanted, the 12 string being eternally temperamental and an eater of finger tips (somebody needs more practice...). The story is one of those weird ones you can't make up. Well, I mean you can. I've read a lotta true crime in my day and studied criminology whenever possible as an undergraduate, and I will tell you, like the Cavedweller lyric points out, murder is rather banal, the stories are WEIRD. They don't always make sense. People act weird in the moment and 20 years later after cracking forever. I can't explain. But when I get outta this hole I mean to investigate.


Carlo Bruno Jr. - This is super creepy, and I appreciate that. People live all sorts of ways, why not be enamored of someone who keeps a creepy robe hanging around. This is also one of my favorites. I like your voice, the guitars are aggressive and sound great. This hits the narrative part of the non-optional challenge, I'm compelled, I gotta find out what happens next.


Cavedwellers - This is pretty. The entire sound is full and mature, does that make sense? The acoustic guitars really sound clean and bright, I'm taking notes I like the lyrics, especially the couplet "is your playlist crimey, is your conscience grimey".


Cybronica - This is terrifying and beautiful, mainly the many voices that fold in and out create as sense of space being suddenly filled with movement. I am certain this will get dinged due to bias but I'm all in favor of this performance.


Eric Novak - I think there is something musically complex taking place in the verse but perhaps not nailing it down entirely. The mix is good, the instrumentation is pleasant together but clashes discordantly in places.


The Friends - Lyrically speaking, a break from the pack regarding the sense of what defines "murder". Sounds great. Nice lyrical rhythm through verse and bridge. Good use of dynamics switching gears through the tune. The ending is the perfect touch.


Glennny - How many tunes deliver the anthemic use of the term "murder suicide"? Bravo on the deceptively friendly-sounding transgression! Beautiful guitars, ambitious melodies, again, so sweetly sung the aforementioned act in the breakdown Oof, that mention of the last moment is pretty profound. Nicely done!


Jellyfish d'Amour (and the Banjotron 5000) - This was a standout to me lyrically speaking, this tells a compelling story, and the whole time you just want to say... (you get it, I love the suspense). The vocals are particularly suited to this story and go perfectly with the spare instrumentation. I can practically see the setting before me. One of my favorites.


Ken Mahru - Compelling story, very pretty music and vocals. I love the subtle instrumentation. Well rendered narrative of a murder, this hits the mark!


Le Tits Now - Musically interesting with lots of texture, well sung story. Mood shift from intense and tight to expansive and airy and back. Lyrically nails the mark, painting a vivid set up to a twist.


Lean Mean Groove Machine - This has a lot of promise, based on past work I've heard of yours and the ambitious direction this was taking.


Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Strong delivery, love the who ha part. The asking of "who buried me in the garden" rhythmically is creepy to me, reminsicent of the Twilight Zone episode "Night Call", brrrr. Great work!

Max Bombast - This is about my fave, I love the bumpin' rhythm, the vocal delivery nails it. This sticks the landing as they say. Sick breakdowns score huge points with Mel. The story is a unique take and has a twist. Baller tune.


Micah Sommersmith - Strong vocal delivery, this is really pretty. Great take on the non-optional challenge.


Sober - Really pretty instrumentation, clean, impeccably captured and your voice is dang near perfect. The very definition of a narrative about a murder. This was among the top 3 for me.


WreckdoM - We wanted something dark and brooding but I also wanted to put some structure into it to carry it with some weight. Working on this took me to the dark places. I started going out at night and waking up really tired. With mud at the foot of my bed. I dunno, I think it's just a phase. If I had it all to do over again, maybe I wouldn't double Geoff's vox. I love that sound and King Colon usually talks me out of it, rightly so but he wasn't around a lot this time to keep me from getting out there with it. There was something I loved in that guitar tone I landed on and I needed to bathe in it for awhile after all the falderal at the motel hence the extended coda.

[Lunkhead]

Some comments, all I have time for this afternoon:

BSS
I like the reverbed out ominous melody in the intro, and the guitar harmonics in the verses. I like the reverb on Martin's voice and he sounds good. The verse melodies sound a little improvised but the chorus melody sounds solid. Going into the 3rd verse, I miss the instrumental lead-in to the verse. Also, wow, I am just realizing this song doesn't have a solo, or a bridge. Very unlike BSS! I like the simplicity though and it's very driving. Decent story, challenge met.

Brown Word
Story's ok and the challenge is met. I think for me I wish there was more singing and less spoken word. I like the idea of the spoken word but the delivery isn't always working for me. The structure of the song also feels a little wandering to me, and I'm not sure the tone of the music matches the tone of the lyrics as I hear them. Also there are some strange phrasing moments that make me wonder if the music was written first and the lyrics were written separately and then kind of spread out through the music or something.

Carlo
The rocking out parts rock, I'm into it. Not as sure about the intro although it does contrast well with the rocking out. I would have liked some more melodic variation, so many of them are a bit monotone. i like that the story is very specific, although it does seem a little bit random.

Cavers
OK, so, my questions about the theme for your songs this year so to be answered at this point, all Berkeley songs. This has me going but the two last lines of the prechorus with crimey/grimy lose me. They just stick out as being jokey in a way none of the other lyrics are, especially because the "band" pulls back the vocal singing those lines is especially prominent. I don't know that the switch to a major key for the chorus works for me, it still feels like the subject matter is sad in spite of the more neutral words. i have a similar tone mismatch issue with the bridge. I think ultimately the podcast layer to this story felt a little unnecessary to me and like it detracted rather than adding interesting depth.

Cybronica
Nice take on the challenge. Victory for the crows! There sound to me like there are pitch issues in the background "oohs" during the "Perhaps, this time, we are prepared" line. The "bridge" is nicely dramatic. I hear some more pitch issues in the vocal there, like in "peck out his eyes". Music is good, production is ok.

Eric Novak
The intro music has me really interested, I like the instrumentation and vibe and everything sounds good. Your vocal is often too quiet in the mix though. I hear some mild pitch issues in the first "verse" and "prechorus". Good lyrics. I think the drums vs the instruments are not in balance, in terms of their levels in the mix, with the drums being too prominent vs the instruments. Vocal pitch sounds good through the "chorus" which is nice. This flows along nicely, though I think it could use hi-hat/ride in the drums and/or some hand percussion to beef up the rhythm section and provide more energy at times.

The Friends
This is giving me major '90s vibes, which I enjoy. I hear Collective Soul's "December" in your verse specifically (I don't like that song but the similarity doesn't bother me here). Nice take on the challenge.



Glennny
I'm on the fence still if I think this is funny or in bad taste, or maybe both? Some of the diminished chord/key change stuff feels a little clunky to me at times. Nice solo.

Hoping to comment on the rest later tonight.

[arby]

Some thoughts. I read the lyrics before listening so the amount of commenting on them is not necessarily proportional to their importance in my feelings on the songs.

Lucky Witch - It isn’t good or bad, but I noticed the lyric has thirteen original lines out of a total of twenty four. That first stanza/verse has a lot of repetition of the word time and all four lines end on that same rhyme/word. Yet in the second verse, third stanza, only two lines rhyme. Again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not as consistent and I was noticing it as I read through just before pressing play. I like the idea of using two voices and I think it works with the murder scene.

Thanks for the review. Yeah honestly I used to really get hung up on rhyming, but now I'm much more loosey-goosey, especially for Nur Ein because we don't have time to write the songs in advance, so we come up with them more or less on the fly during our 2 hour rehearsals every Thursday night. So Nivs had brought the line about "Death comes in the springtime" to rehearsal and the chorus and over the course of working out the song I thought of the Tell-Tale Heart angle and how the killer had buried the body in the garden. I was also thinking of the incredible James Dickey poem "Kudzu" with the "smothered by verdant vines / strangled by the signs of time" lines. So it doesn't really bother me that the rhyme scheme is wacky.

Hello! I haven't posted reviews in a long while. Now that we are starting to eliminate folks, I feel like it's a good time to chime in.

LWRG - I have to be honest- I sort of expected you to nail this one, and you did not disappoint. You’re giving me grungy Cure vibes and SO much more. Please add this to your future live show sets.

Haha! Thank you! Yeah, Nivs said about this challenge, "Creepy ambience is our specialty, and we have songs that are creepy and ambient but also fast-paced, so let's lean into it with this challenge." We are DEFINITELY going to be playing this one in Seattle!

[Lunkhead]

Jellyfish
Nice instrumentation. Is that you playing the piano? Music and vocals and lyrics go well together and sound good. Your voice unfortunately sounds like you're singing inside a portapotty or through a can or something, which slightly detracts. And I didn't need the "oh fuck" and sound effects at the end.

Ken
This one feels cohesive too. Kinda reminds me of The Decemberists. I like the line near the end about "But then so am I". That plus the Gemini thing makes me think you're implying the narrator is also the killer but doesn't realize it.

Le Tits
Another one that feels mostly very well put together. There are some pitch issues in some of the vocals, maybe especially the stereo panned response backups. I like the shifts in energy and the way instruments come in and out.

LMGM
A lot of the falsetto vocals sound too much like a muppet voice to me. And there's just a lot of that. The slap bass is still fun but overall this just felt too long for me and silly in a way that didn't land.

LWRG
This one also felt like it came together well for me. I like the switch from vocalist to vocalist and the group response backups. It makes it feel a little more "composed"/structured, even though it's still very live sounding.

Max
Super clean excellent production per usual. The broken up fuzzed out riff propels the song along nicely. The breakdown is cool. Similar to the Jellyfish song I think you'd have been better off without the "oh" "bleh" at the end.

Micah
This is nice but ultimately I think the lyrics and the music don't go together for me a lot of the time. Something about the cheerful melody for "and death comes soon", it doesn't sound like there is a point to the contrast there, it just sounds off to me. I'm probably missing something though.

Sober
Pretty much 100% what I (just speaking for myself only) had in mind with the original version of this challenge ("murder ballad") before we tried to rephrase it so folks didn't think they were required to only make folk/traditional songs. Really well done.

WreckdoM
Unfortunately this just feels like it really drags to me, like it lacks energy. I like the lyrics but I don't think this treatment is doing them justice.