Leaf Blower (yeah, that's right, already)

[WeaselSlayer]

Leaf Blower
by Luke Henley

Leaf blower in the air
weaving smoke throughout the weeds.
Leaf blower and your hair
out of your face, you're wetting reeds.
And nuzzle my face like a mother bear
and I won't purr like a kitten in June.
Leaf blower put me down.
Leaf blower take me through this town at night
in the morning when it's bare.
In the morning no one's there.
Leaf blower I am here and you are here and
nuzzle my face like a mother bear.
Leaf blower are you there?
Leaf blower are you there?
Leaf blower, saw a movie and I thought that you would like it
and I thought you could be in it some day soon.
Leaf blower are you there?
Because I am here and I am wandering through the street and I can't even call you.
Cause saying your name, it leaves me bare.
Shaved eyebrows and shaved hair.
My paw-paw's in the war.
And no one can say what for.
Leaf blower where's your dress?
Leaf blower where's your dress?
You have no baby on your chest.
Leaf blower nuzzle my face like a mother bear.
Leaf blower nuzzle my face like a mother bear.

[j$]

Leaf Blower by Johnny Cashpoint

Built his life in terms he understands -
'Desperate Housewives' written by straight man.
Painted picket fences brightest white
Put up best defence against the night

Uses mower and leaf blower,
To ensure world sinks no lower
Rules his empire out in potting shed
But he gets older, he gets slower,
Rake and hoe won't fight the power
Who will blow those leaves once you are dead?

Look of perfect anguish on his face
Single blade of grass is out of place
Freezes under David Lynch blue skies
Clutches at his chest and then he dies

Death's a shower, not a grower,
Down he goes like Percy Thrower,
Final spasm judders through his knees
Knocks leaf blower, off it goes, ah,
God's a tease and don't you know it -
Leaves are dancing on the morning breeze

The sun it keeps on shining

Built his life on the Stepford Wives
His mistake, he watched the remake
Perfect lawn that he'll never see
Above him at the cemetary
His mistake to love the light
History is made at night
Humans die and Heaven waits
But vines grow wild on the Pearly Gates

The sun it keeps on shining ...

[ofscienceandnumbers]

Leaf Blower
Of Science and Numbers

Sarah (last name: Tonin) hates the fall,
When there aren’t any leaves at all.
She hides inside her room,
In her sunlight-free tomb.

Leif (last name: Blower) lives for one reason.
He clears away all signs of Sarah’s season.
He just doesn’t realize,
She is gouging her eyes.

Leaf blower,
Grief thrower,
Destroyer of serotonin.

This year, Leif leaves the leaves so she is happy.
She chokes on them and dies. Now she is free.
He did her a favor,
New life that he gave her.

Leaf blower,
Grief thrower,
Destroyer of serotonin.

[Mogosagatai]

<i>Phunt Your Friends "Leaf Blower".</i>

Oh,
the only moments of delight I've ever known are
those when you run your fingers through my fur, but
now, warm or cold,
even your kiss is but an itch on my thick skin, oh.

Oh, sweet
whisperer, who
sends the leaves skittering and swirling beneath my gaze,
to whose sound the trees sway in contentment or rock in violent ecstacy,
oh,

cannot a sweeter gift
than dead leaves
come dancing down my way?

[Darren]

LEAF BLOWER
By Darren Sethe

Saturday morning, extended slumber relief,
disrupted by the movin' of a leaf.
Locomotion of deceased tree debris.
With the aid of combustion engine machine.

Transport from one place to the other,
of leaves, so the lawn doesn't smother.
Disregard your neighbors quiet bliss.
Your trees slough must be obscenely dismissed!

LEAF BLOWER
LEAF BLOWER
THERE'S NO ONE LOWER
THAN A LEAF BLOWER

A rake, insufficient to complete the deed.
A small typhoon will fill the need.
The power of God is in your hand.
Break your wind upon the land!

LEAF BLOWER
LEAF BLOWER
SCORN SOWER
LEAF BLOWER

Pull the cord and unleash the beast.
Move your leaves from the west to the east.
Fill the gas and check the oil well.
There's a special place for you in Hell!!

Your mail is missing and your tires are flat.
You don't know where your cat is at.
Your yard is draped in double-ply
And you really don't know why?

You're a LEAF BLOWER
LEAF BLOWER
NO, NOT THE LAWN MOWER
LEAF BLOWER!

[TH89]

NOTE: These are the "official" lyrics but given Rinkydink's Irish heritage and state of extreme inebriation when they were recorded, I can't confirm their accuracy.

CIA - Leaf Blower

-"How do you do, Mrs. Leech? I'm uh Harvy, Manfron-mon-son...I'm uh, from the CIA." "CIA?"
-"2005, y'all bounce to this!"
-"Prepare ship for lightspeed!" "No no no no, lightspeed's too slow!" "Lightspeed too slow?" "Yes! We're going to have to go right to...LUDICROUS SPEED!"
-"You're just a bunch of amateurs."


All right songfight
We're new and hot steppin, we're
Disorganized, but we
Menace like Hank Ketcham
You might just knock us out with some
Acid rock trippin
But we're tenacious agents and we'll
Go on mat slippin
If we win a fight, then we
Won't be gloating, crowing, we'll
Still be where we were, working
Rocking lawn mowing
If naught but nothing else we'll be
With our cuts showing, that
Good stuff flies round here cause we're
Sonic leaf blowing

-"Me and my nephews wes' coast fo sho."

It seems that we can't
Get this song off the ground
Self-praising's not amazing, we're just
Screwing around
We can't claim to be
Omnipotent all-knowers, we're just
Here with a laptop and an
Axe and leaf blower

There are probably also many spelling errors.

[furrypedro]

Those Meddling Kids and there Leaf Blowing antics

It looks like we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way
Not with fancy garden implements; just a rake
A 6ft wooden pole, with a metal claw that would supercede
a complex, ineffectual waste of electricity

Ooh, the leaf-blowing man is blowing his leaves
but not into a pile that you can jump in to or drive through
Just to decompose and be left for the spring

Leaf blowers have no purpose, it's just a metaphor for smoking weed
'cause you use so many leaves
Leaf blowers are completely useless, it's like trying to herd asteroids with the force of gravity

[Ryan Rickenbach]

Leaf Blower
by Ryan Rickenbach

Crushed under...the weight of the world
Pulled under....can't someone say I've won
But what's winning in the end?

Fight the tide it'll...only fight you harder
Go after....that one thing you're after
Oh, but then the odds are stacked against you

Blue tide take
Take me to sea
Where I'll find no
Captivity

Look out in...The middle of night
Do you think....that we're the only ones out there
Well I don't think there's an answer

Under the....microscope again
Looked down on....like some plastic mannequin
That has no feelings

Mr. Moonlight
Light the way
Where I am free
Free from today

It's a chemical reaction
That kicks you in the face

Another day....has passed me by
Feels like I've...done absolutely nothing
But really, who has?

Kicks the leaves...'cause they can't kick you back
My yellow...sun is slowly turning black
But it's a fantasized illusion

Cool autumn wind
Take all my cares
Into the sun
With the leaves of the air



(Sorry about the periods. They were there for timing and I don't feel like taking them out)

[gert]

Leaf Blower, By Gert.

The Hip Cola hems and haws before kicking it:

Leaf Blower, man what the hell is that?
I tell you what bitch, that boy is phat.
I'm talking PH not F, you diggin' me holmes?
Don't make me bring the whole damn school to your home...
The man's got skin, he's got cool kin,
The ladies line up, but Dana's like, "herein
lies the rub ladies, you don't stand a chance..
this man is my man, all you get is a glance!"
The man's got faders, he's a purebred playa,
and if you wanna get lowa, gotta be, gotta be a leaf blowa

Leaf steps from behind the kit to croon:
You just might prefer:
A nice riding mower to keep your lawn lower
But let me assure:
I'm a mean beat thrower and a good time show-er
My groove is your cure.
Put your branches down lower and try the leaf blower.

Chorus receives extra gertiness by Tonetripper:
That boy's got style
Paradiddle your ass
He's the king of non-sequitors)

Smalltown Mike kicks a little:
Look at little Leaf, got a drum kit
Banging out hits with it
Mom says: Banging those skins yer gonna go blind
But he got rich like Buddy Rich
That pink skirt slides when the cowbell rides
They all kneel for the Gert’s Neil
Peart—chew it up like a lawn mower
Or slower: like a Leaf Blower

Porn movie guitar solo is provided by The Almighty Boltoph.

Chuck D: Bring that beat back. Y’all want to hear that beat right? Bring that beat back.

Boltoph with the throaty: Bring it!

Smalltown Mike steps to the mic once more:
Shit, you call that a beat? Leafman’s got
plenty, 15, maybe 20
i mean, we could programmit, but goddammit
them dirty gerties demand it
Leaf Blowa! Leaf Blowa!
When he bangs the skins even the midi is grittier
Leaf Blowa! Leaf Blowa!
Other bands, I pity ya. Gert groupies are prettier.

And all through it, Des spanks the keys and then puts it to bed.

[mc3p0]

daisy cutter please move over
"Here I come to save the day!" mighty leaf blower
"Oh, the inhumanity!"

burning holes in the ozone,
tropics, and ice caps for oil and gold
nuclear spring, winter, autumn, and summer
sometimes war just happens - lawns will be trampled under

daisy cutter please move over
"Here I come to save the day!" mighty leaf blower

earthquakes and lightning, volcanos, blizzards and blighting
peace comes through craters and sometimes through criping
grandmothers melting, community smelting
a wolf dressed-up as the candy-colored clown

daisy cutter please move over
"Here I come to save the day!" mighty leaf blower