Judas, please come to my office (Jesus on the Intercom)

[Albatross]

Time for a "performance review."

[Hoblit]

For the record, the title of this particular thread is nothing less than awesome. Thank you, that is all.

[Sober]

My song features my brand new Martin 000-16 custom shop.

I got it. You don't.

[Treachjuris]

Hokie dokie. Here's the poop:

You guys have a TON of tunes to review; I understand. But I'd really appreciate some folks coming over to review the scant Cable Beach entries if they have the time or inclination.

There are only four of us in that fight, and for a minute I thought to myself, "Self, you may just have a shot at a win here."

Alas. There exists in competition for the title at Cable Beach a 15 minute rock-opera entry in the "Tommy" vein. I swear. It has become Epic Battle as opposed to Songfight...but do, go, listen. It's good.

[Treachjuris]

*sigh* Yes, reading lyrics along with tracks for those who posted…

Andy Balham - B
Nice, 60’s feel – kinda like an old bible-study sing-a-long – reminds me of Sigmund and the Sea Freaks – nice keys in the first break – sounds like it wants to be a bit more peppy though; or less – a la Velvet Underground. Nice job. Oh, and Billyzebubba is MY best friend.

Boltoph – A+
Beautiful. The fractal images are swimming in my head…the break is gorgeous – a structurally sound track –

Del Sesto - A
Bwahahaha! A) Jesus’ voice is perfect, B) That’s Not a Sale! Very Lard “Can God Drill Teethâ€

[Stubby Phillips]

[edit] here's what you can't understand in Future Polka JOTI: [/edit]

don't mess around
heat coming down
just sitting 'round
EATING OUR CURDS AND WHEY!

Heat coming down
Don't mess around
heat coming down
GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY!


i'll get to the rest later...

[boltoph]

Whats up ya'll? Happy July 4th.

I'm back at my condo in the city for about an hour in between festivities...wish these fights had been up last week because now I'm out partying until Wednesday and won't be able to review anything til then...

But just listened to the fight while eating lunch, unpacking, packing shit...clothes, cooler, towels, bathing suit...not actual shit. Fudge packers, I know what you were thinking...

Eight Legged Oedipus, Smalltown Mike, Klownhole, Wreckdom, and I even really liked that instrumental drum lake experiment tune. Slampig and Future Polka, as well. This fight has been good listening so far.

[beatlebrent]

I'm guessing no one wants to risk the state of their eternal souls by reviewing Jesus on the Intercom.... but here I go anyway....

Andy Balham – The song itself was a fine written song. But, the timing is a bit off throughout the whole song. Vocals are a bit more loose on pitch then I dig, but alright. The song didn’t really have anything that made my ears perk up, except the tone of the guitar solo, which I liked.

Boltoph – This is what I expected a song to sound like with this title, so I was happy to hear a good version of the vague imaginings from my mind. Not my fav style, but mix was professional and the song itself had good harmony and changes that flowed well.

Del Sesto – At first I was going to say “the intro should be chopped in halfâ€

[Meatwad]

I'm guessing no one wants to risk the state of their eternal souls by reviewing Jesus on the Intercom.... but here I go anyway....
Klownhole – I’m not a fan of this kinda song, so I was bored with it. Not a fair review, cuz musically it was alright. Occasionally, the vocals really seemed to clash with what was going on behind it.

Seriously, what the fuck? Every fucking review on this fucking site starts with "I hate this shit, so here I go....". Where were you people raised? When were you people raised? I'm wondering if you have ever really listened to the likes of Zeppelin, Sabbath, Alice Cooper, even the unmighty Blue Oyster Cult. Gary Numan. Not that the 'Hole is representative of any of those greats. But jesus, to disregard a whole 'genre'. It's not like we are fucking rap/hip-hop crap. Because that is there to be disregarded. Where is my fucking drink? Why isn't Deadwood on? What the fuck were we talking about?

[Nigel (spOOn) Clements]

Good fight, there's some decent rockin' tunes here, reviews soon...
current fav's are Slampig, Klownhole, WreckdoM and Smalltown Mike.

[beatlebrent]

Meatwad,

If you don't dig my reviews, perhaps you should try writing some of your own. That way, everyone on song fight can see what a "proper review" should look like.... since you obviously hate "Every fucking review", as stated in your post.

[Meatwad]

Meatwad,

If you don't dig my reviews, perhaps you should try writing some of your own. That way, everyone on song fight can see what a "proper review" should look like.... since you obviously hate "Every fucking review", as stated in your post.

Sigh. It saddens me to see the youth of today be so serious, literal, and sober.

[Meatwad]

Wreckdom: This is noisy, which I like. The angry guy over the intercom is excellent. I assume this is all sampled from some radio source? If so, excellent work applying it to this song. If not, then you are very talented for making it sound as if you mined this from southern radio.

AndyBalham: This doesn't have a lot of energy. It's loose, but it doesn't sound live. If it were live and loose, I could assume it was a bunch of drunk friends jamming. WHich is always good. But loose, sequenced and overdubbed, that's not so good.

Boltoph: Fuck yeah. Excellent riff, good production on the guitars and drums. Vocals are mixed down, which sounds like it might be a good thing. You need some hollerin' to go with that whine. But overall, this is a great effort. Nice musical variation in the middle.

Delsesto: Thank god it's so easy to record at home now. I hope this didn't take too long.

DrumLakeExperiment: Nice intro. Wait, maybe it's not an intro. This reminds me of the new Thom Yorke solo album. Which I really like. If this goes somewhere, I'll really like this too. I could interpret a whole bunch of stuff into this that would allow it to apply to JOTI. But anything I would say would sound gay. So I'll just say this is a nice instrumental piece.

EclecticSpoons: I like anything belligerent, because that equals conviction. Even if you are kidding. Especially if you are kidding. This is cute. Has some nice noises in it's lo-fi way. Goes on for awhile.

EightLeggedOedipus: This is pretty good. Nice guitar and bass work. The vocals are lazy, which I think they are supposed to be. But they sound lazy like you are unsure, not because it was the effect you were trying to achieve.

FuturePolka: This is pretty great for Songfight fare. Nice vocals. For a second I thought the music was going to be like Swamp Terrorist. But it's not really. Still pretty good though. Like lo-fi no budget KMFDM from the Nihil days. Which were really great.

Klownhole: This isn't my kind of thing.

MMMC: Hmmm. Like I've said elsewhere, I don't like the rap. Clicks and whistles. However, I can tell this has more layers and intricacies than run of the mill stuff. So, that's all fine. Good for you.

PaperCutBrigade: Is this live? If so, than that's cool. Seems earnest. Do I betray a certain shallowness if I say this sounds a lot like the Beatles or Oasis? In fact, it sounds like Karaoke over a Beatles track with new vocals. Hope it was fun.

PhuntYourFriends: ok Yoko, we get it.

SlamPig: Fuck yeah. This is excellent. Might get my vote. Distortion, I assume that is a drum machine. Guitar solo, excellent. You should totally do that. This is excellent. We have a winner.

SmallTownMike: Tough to follow SlamPig. But I think I would dislike this anyway. Perhaps I'll eat a cracker to reset the palette. Nope. Still don't like it. Nothing really stands out. No particular instrument, or riff, or progression, or lyric, or vocals.

SoberIrishman: This is fine. Mostly Harmless. Nice acoustic guitar.

[boltoph]

Don't forget to subscribe to your songfight RSS podcast protocol. Yeah baby!

http://www.songfight.org/podcast/songfight.rss

Andy Balham
Favorite thing: Keyboard breakdown situation after the chorus, the lyrics. Good lyrics.
Least Favorite thing: Out of tune vocals, and during the chorus, the vocal melody is not really flowing, in my opinion.

Me
Favorite thing: Heavy guitars, bass tone.
Least Favorite thing: Drum tones. I don't like them anymore. Well, at least the snare drum tone. They are some of the Native Instruments samples.

Del Sesto
Favorite thing: Theme and lyrics, potential for a rolling, rocking groove
Least Favorite thing: That groove could be huge, but the song is underdeveloped, being just one instrument and the voice, and the rhythm almost fails us after the second chorus.

Drum Lake Experiment
Favorite thing: Musicianship, mellow vibe of the song. The sonics are great. Really dig this tune. It's sad, that sadness and "love" vibe makes me think that this song is indeed Jesus' voice on the intercom. Speaking of Christian ideals through the power of a song's emotional pull.
Least Favorite thing: Moby ripoff? No lyrics. Not enough variation to take this into the realm of "song". Remains just a groove that grooves out for a little.

@eclectic spOOns
Favorite thing: Potential for memorable groove.
Least Favorite thing: Oscar the Grouch on the vocals. Just curse and swear, already. The voice sounds a little pissed off, but I don't believe it. It's downright goofy and laughable in its anger.

Eight Legged Oedipus
Favorite thing: Groove, vibe. Bass line, vocal tones. Hanging feeling during the chorus. Swagger...vibe. Bass groove. Change of vocal tone...the doubling for the chorus. Punk vibe 75% through.
Least Favorite thing: Fuck that, this is a good laid back summer vibe. Pushing talk. Could've added some other lyrics about Mary pushing his knob up, or something. Like in the Da Vinci Code. Could scream more during the punk ending, and get a better more "mid-rangey" guitar tone? Small points to make, yes.

Future Polka
Favorite thing: Half time breakdown. Vocal inflection, suggesting disdain, disgust. Melody during "Jesus on the Intercom".
Least Favorite thing: Where did this "Curds and Whey" line come from? How does it fit. Talk of Songfight...a little to explicit for me. Melody fails us during the chorus.

Klownhole
Favorite thing: Chorus melodies around "Jesus calls for home". Danzig vibe! Bass tone...or something underneath that's sorta up the middle, that I kinda like. Stop before "Jesus will dial in". Heavy rock vibe. An ass-kicking.
Least Favorite thing: Ultra messy guitar tone, overly compressed maybe? Timing issues later in the song. Could have improved by saying something like "Jesus swears at us over the intercom" or something to take the title to a new level of horror. I prefer to be completely horrified.

MMMC
Favorite thing: Synthy instrumentation. Some of the vocal rhythms about half way through, I dig.
Least Favorite thing: Lame rapper voice. So nerdy. Too long and boring, for being so annoying. Not much style to the vocal groove. Wish it would hit harder and not carry any hint of "dork".

Paper Cut Brigade
Favorite thing: Vintage vibe, variable take on the title, it's a very blues / done Beatles style. Good imagery in the "took over the high school prom". Kills me, reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite. Character development is a big plus, and hard to do in music. Good vocal harmony placement and vocal movement.
Least Favorite thing: Tambo and bass down a hair, whole mix up a touch. I think the tambo and bass are probably your peaks in this mix.

Phunt Your Friends
Favorite thing: Believing that there is some kind of code here, or that it has something to do with rudimentary computer programming, numbers and such...odd tones here and there, on either side. Parody of Jesus.
Least Favorite thing: Very difficult to understand the relation to the title...worried that it is simply hapless number listing...want it to be larger that what it appears.

Slam Pig
Favorite thing: Groove. Fuzz guitar or bass tone. The prechorus or chorus, I like that change. Would sound great if it slammed really hard, with a bigger mix. I like the stop with the choir voice thingy.
Least Favorite thing: Triggered both acid flashback and reminded of bout with ADHD. Needed a prescription for Xanax after I listened to this. Permanent nerve damage. My lawyer will be in touch.

Smalltown Mike
Favorite thing: The lyrics!! This killed me! Great take on the title. Killer character development of Jesus, and even the little stop after "Satan at your place". Guitar solo is well placed, works well. I liked the Jesus / Smalltown conversation, with Satan being all quiet. Playing Sega? or Xbox? Nice analogy of "living with Jesus and Satan simultaneously".
Least Favorite thing: I wanna party with Smalltown, Jesus, and Satan, too!

Sober Irishman
Favorite thing: "Waiting In Vain" vibe of the verses, guitar tone, doubled guitar.
Least Favorite thing: Vocal and guitar seems so separate. In this type of thing I think you'd be better leaving some low in the vocals...since there are no other low end instruments involved. Could use some production snazz like a double vocal just for the chorus or just something to make the song move more in the chorus. More vocal in the mix, overall.

Wreckdom
Favorite thing: Lyrics / samples, Lost In Space tones on the left and right...use of the word "bitch". Use of the "Great God Wreckdom". The sample, esp. at the very end, is killin' me!
Least Favorite thing: Hard to say where the title relates...talk of president, because I've heard enough Bush shit talk...more of a personal thing I guess.

[Andy Balham]

Andy Balham – ... the timing is a bit off throughout the whole song.

AndyBalham: But loose, sequenced and overdubbed, that's not so good.

Point(s) taken. I blame the drummer, he's still learning.

Meatwad, no sequencing was used in the making of this song, all live takes.

Thanks for all the reviews so far, mine to follow soon...

[Andy Balham]

Boltoph
I like the chugging guitar tone and the slow breakdown. Overall it’s not grabbing me, but the end is very good.

Del Sesto
Echoes of the MI theme tune in the intro. I like the idea and its realisation. The line “4 for 1 on liquorâ€

[Mostess]

Sober, you are the fucking man! Great song!

[Mostess]

Seriously, what the fuck? Every fucking review on this fucking site starts with "I hate this shit, so here I go....". Where were you people raised? When were you people raised? I'm wondering if you have ever really listened to the likes of Zeppelin, Sabbath, Alice Cooper, even the unmighty Blue Oyster Cult. Gary Numan. Not that the 'Hole is representative of any of those greats. But jesus, to disregard a whole 'genre'. It's not like we are fucking rap/hip-hop crap. Because that is there to be disregarded. Where is my fucking drink? Why isn't Deadwood on? What the fuck were we talking about?

I'm so with you, old man! My favorite is the follow-up "Not a fair review, cuz musically it was alright." What the fuck does that mean? If you can evaluate it "musically", why bring up your genre preference at all? Especially if you know that makes it unfair? And what is that genre preference based on, if not "musicality"? Seriously, what? And then berating you for not writing reviews yourself, like you'd be happy to just pull a bunch of "I like it!" shit out of your ass and call it "reviews". And hey, get me one while you're up, would you? This couch is too...oh shit, I got some of that on the carpet...my bad.

[boltoph]

Seriously, what the fuck?

Seriously, what? And then berating you for not writing reviews yourself, like you'd be happy to just pull a bunch of "I like it!" shit out of your ass and call it "reviews".

Speak for yourselves!

At least throw in some adjectives like "sucks my yolk right out of my eggshell" or "makes that loose turd I just dropped, look like a corn cob".
We are songwriters aren't we? Where's the pizzazz, chico?

Seriously, and whats up with these fuckers that give mix feedback? wtf. Like "tambo is too loud" or "vocal has way too much low cut" or "vocal needs low cut". Or, "vocal seems separate from the instruments"


...and then these fuckin know-it-alls, they say shit like "the floor tom tone, it would work better if you boosted a half-to-an-octave notch at 200hz, by about 3-5 db."

See, some times I'm just inclined to say, "what the fuck, it's the same goddamn acoustic guitar chord pattern and/or goofy nerdy-sounding shit I've heard a hundred thousand times."

But then we just say, instead, "not my thing". At least it shows that someone listened. Which is, actually, the main point. To get your songs listened to, right? You can't start a fire, without a spark. I wanna hear a little "Boss".

[lesChaps]

Boltoph's review/critique format
Favorite thing: Favorite thing/Least favorite thing conceit. This is a really great way to approach songfight, seriously. Kudos.
Least Favorite thing: The size=20 format. I'm an Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif 11pt; kind of person. Big fonts are the "this song goes on too long, not my kind of thing" of typography.

I am officially going to use this review strategy in the future when I'm drunk and not getting around to listening to the fight we've submitted.

[boltoph]

Fuck, I didn't mean to make them 20 but after I pasted it all up, changing all the 20's to something smaller seemed like too much work.

so uh...there's always the (+) fav things, (-) least fav things, (/) things that i'm divided on... format that 8LO used to use...
hey wait, I listened to the fight...I think...or was I just making it all up?

even better, just make variations of this, for each song:

Artist
Favorite thing: Theme and lyrics, potential for a rolling, rocking groove
Least Favorite thing: That groove could be huge, but the song is underdeveloped

It pretty much applies to most everything, and takes up less space.

I love these discussions. I've had enough "not my thing" reviews to not give a shit though.

[Smalltown Mike]

eclectic spoons
I can't really listen to this one. It's very growly.

andy balham
As stated there are some real timing issues here that make it difficult to listen to. The vocals are good enough beyond that, though. Organ/piano thing is cool enough.

boltoph
Buddy, when I hear this I just want to massage your jaw, you brave little dental patient you. That's one heavy riff. And I always dig when you get all sweet on me.

8LO
Your vocals seem a little buried. The thought that jesus is not only on the intercom but also annoyingly pushing "talk" is pretty funny. Your stuff—from a guy who fakes his way through production—always seems ultra compressed. I don't love the fast stuff as much.

future polka
That's some good heavy stuff, but then your vox are really loud and not so energetic. Same everything could work, just rock it more.

Klownhole
I can't ever fault you, even when I don't necessarily dig the tune, cuz you always accomplish the slaughter you want to accomplish. I admit—as I've said many times before—that I like KH when the vocals are wailing a bit more to match the music, and this hits the mark like that. Nice work. Uh, I mean, fucking right. This is a fucking great track, I'm pretty sure you get the vote. I hope you like it when I swear, cuz, uh, fuck.

MMMC
I can't really review this objectively.

Phunt Your Friends
Or this. Damn you, Yoko.

Slampig
very bad programmed intro, but the rest of it is great. Rocking, pretty rocking beat, etc, heavy enough gtr. I don't know if I believe that's JC on the intercom, but I"ll believe it. Good track.

Wreckdom
This seems like you're kind of phoning this one in—I've definitely heard better tracks than this from you.

Del sesto
This needs drums, which I think you know, so you need to add them. Lots of us would at least program drums if you can't. But it needs more. Also, the vocals need to be screamed to fit the track.

drum lake experiment
Pretty, but doesn't make me think of Jesus on the Intercom. At all. Not one little bit.

Paper cut brigade
Great track. Great first line. What a fucking great groove from the summer I was born. (69, tee hee.) I love the chorus. Shit, I want to vote for Klownhole, but I might have to vote for this. It's pretty great. Let's hear the break—not great. You lost it on the fade out. I hate fade outs. But great track.

smalltown mike
This is an actual conversation between Jesus and me. Hey—that's Des on the solo. Des is Satan and the Internet. This track reveals how little I know about Christianity. Let's keep it that way.