The Song Fight Bulletin Board

I mean you really shouldn't have put in the trombone.

Haha! Last week, I was so impressed by the horns on S Durand's track that I said I'd put horns on my next song. I may never do it again, but at least I'm a man of my word. Sorry to kill your buzz, JR!

Shoot, all my reviews were just lost. I previewed, then clicked the Back button on the browser. Now my reviews are lost. Damn, damn, damn. Well, my favorites were Draft and Pipe Fist. Sorry.

Jim of Seattle wrote:Shoot, all my reviews were just lost. I previewed, then clicked the Back button on the browser. Now my reviews are lost. Damn, damn, damn. Well, my favorites were Draft and Pipe Fist. Sorry.

I did mine in Word first cuz i was scared that might happen. For future reference...

Wrong thread for the apology, Jim.

jolly roger wrote:
Caravan Ray - ...Definitely sounds sacreligious but I can't tell.

Definitely not intended to be.

BJAM: Nice effort. Your voice sounds good. It's a very good song - maybe it would be improved if the chorus could be changed slightly - 'Adonai' seems too obscure a word to use - though then it wouldn't qualify for the fight I suppose... Job well done.

DOSCIENTOS: Wonderful feel to this. Great vocals! And the guitar solo is superb. Hard to beat

DR SPECTACULAR: Nice lyrics - but the whole thing sounds a bit disjointed. The piano bits don't seem to fit together well

FWC: Interesting to start - but doesn't really go anywhere. Some good ideas - but doesn't really work as a song for me

JACOBLYNN: Pretty good as far as instrumentals go - but it doesn't really say the title too me the way that "The Flight of the Bumblebee" suggests a small, flying insect collecting pollen. The Gregorian chanting doesn't sound very Jewish.

JEFFROBERTSON: Great sound - guitars and voice are very O Brother Where Art Thou-y. I've never actually heard Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys, but I am guessing they may sound like this. Shame that lyrically the song is very dull.

KILLMESARAH: You have an interesting voice - I'd like to hear it when you remove your head from the toilet. Nothing really wrong with this - just a bit slow to keep my attention.

4THGRADEGLADIATORS: Not bad. Soundwise quite dull - but I can hear some nice stuff in the background - like the guitar solo. Not bad

MABJONAH: Love the wubba-wubba bass thing. Actually, all the music is very good. I'm afraid the vocals are letting it down - not the sound of the vocals as such - I just think it needs more of a melodic hook - there's not much melody here - I'd like to hear Bjam be more Bjork.

MELVIN: Catchy, well-written, well-performed. Love the chorus, and the trombone is most welcome. Minor complaint is that it seems to be a little flat productionwise - it's not really reaching out and grabbing me sonically. Still - great stuff.

THORNBERRY: Very lush. That chick sounds hot! . On first listen it sounds a little repetitive - but there is a really nice quality to this, so it may grow on me with further listens. Build up at the end is very nice.

WESDAVIS: Hmmm. One-joke songs don't really work (and Adonai knows, I've done enough of them myself) - especially when that one joke really isn't very good

ME: This came out a bit like part II of the entry I did last year for "Waiting Takes Time". Sort of a gospel song for the agnostic....or something... I like shouting. Gospel songs are good for shouting.


Thornberry, Melvin and Bjam were all very good - but I can't go past Doscientos for the vote

Man, its hard to review stuff without sounding like an idiot. If my review of your song appears to contain no actual opinions or rating of its quality, its probably because I like it but I can't explain why.

Bjam - [somesongs]good[/somesongs]

Caravan Ray - I read your lyrics before listening to the song, and I thought I would like it. The first time I listened, I didn't like it. After a couple of listens, its growing on me, but I don't think it'll ever be as good as "Waiting Takes Time". One should reserve this level of novelty-ness for songs in which you are singing words expressing opinions 180-degrees-opposite of what you actually think (At least I hope you actually agree with the part at 1:30..2:00). Needs some really wanky electric guitar soloing thrown in there somewhere.

Doscientos - This is another one that has had to grow on me through repeated listenings. Actually no, it starts over again at zero and grows all over again on every listening. The vocals are genuinely annoying, but by the end of the song the lyrics just work so much that it doesn't matter. Instrumentally, good.

Dr. Spectacular - Comments that others have made about puppies and kittens, etc., stand. The keyboard intro and slow building nature of the song lead me to expect a guitar solo, which arrives but too far into the song for my tastes. A climactic moment like that should occur immediately after a vocal chorus, in the middle of an under-4-minute song. Otherwise, you don't get the "lovers embracing on top of F14s at sunset with mushroom clouds over L.A. in the background" feeling that one needs from all true power ballads. Good playing, though.

4th Grade Gladiators - the second I heard an obviously-grown or at least teenaged man singing, I knew you weren't really 4th graders and I couldn't listen to the rest of the song. Then later I went back and listened to it anyway. I like different parts of this, but I don't care for how it's all put together. There's more than one song in here, being played at the same time. You could've split them up and entered both fights.

FWC - groovy! hissy! synthy! fuzzy! This just might get my vote.

Jacob Lynn - what everybody else said.

Jeff Robertson - On repeat listenings, I wish I'd done more takes on the vocals. The lyrics are exactly the sort of thing one finds in actual gospel/hymn music, which was my intention. To pay tribute to the sort of songs that Elvis Presley would've sung at church when he was a kid. The chords are so unoriginal I won't bother trying to defend them. I do cover versions of Merle Haggard's "Mama Tried" and "Uncloudy Day" (as recorded by Willie Nelson), and maybe I should've just entered one of those, since that's basically what this is.

Kill Me Sarah - I keep expecting that this is just the intro, and that a band is going to kick in sometime. When it never does, I feel gipped. Some g-n-g sounds like its meant to stand alone, and other sounds like it should be part of something else.

Mab Jonah - I wouldn't change the station if this was on the radio, but it's not my thing otherwise.

Melvin - Much more raw and rocky than your last few songs (I've only been listening for a few months, I don't know what you did before that). I suggest you stick with this direction. As I basically stopped paying attention to popular music when I was 17 (and I'm 30 now), I have no idea how to tell the difference between Emo and Pop-Punk, but I suspect you just crossed over from one to the other. Not sure which, though.

Thornberry - Impressive. Another possible vote-getter. Is that a guitar that comes in just before 2:10? What the hell'd you do to it?

Wes Davis - Side-splittingly funny for about 30 seconds. Should've stopped there.

You kids are all pretty good. I've had a lot of fun listening to these.

Bjam – You are obviously very talented (I really like you Five Nights in Britain). That being said, this is obviously isn't your best work. Musically, it was pretty good. I like how the Fm-A-E-D verse progression ends in that nice Dsus lick, and then you refer to it again by ending your chorus progression in it. Oh and also when you end the verse on the G chord, that sounds pretty cool. But it could definitely use some band elements – I'm not sure if the acoustic is adequate for this one, although I imagine if you recorded it with a Jack Johnson-style feel, it would be kick-butt. But I guess my main beef with this one is the lyrics (although look who's talking ). I think it is a bit of a stretch to use 'Adonai' in the sense in which you intend.

Caravan Ray – Jeez, this has been stuck in my head for days. The first time I heard it I wanted to listen to it again. It has the advantage of moving at a fast pace and getting a lot done in a short amount of time. Musically, it's pretty fun, clean cut, and well-done. I especially like the “Because everybody's welcome...â€

Wes Davis – I can't help but think you weren't really trying on this one.

You've caught me![/quote]

bjam
+++ for a throwaway, this is really stong +++
/// when the notes just right on the bridge, they send shivers down my spine; alas, when they don't harmonize it ruins the effect ///

caravan ray - download
+++ bonus points for starting out with that multi-layer harmonizing +++
/// i saw your lyrics posted earlier and i did not at all envisage this kind of music; the contrast of the very simple music stylings and words like "proselytize" is fantastic ///
+++ the outro is just great riffing; i'm doin' a jig +++

fourthgradegladiators
+++ cool vibe +++
--- suffers a bit from a loose performance ---
/// the lyrics are sometimes kind of cool, othertimes cringeworthy in their cliches ("pulled off the band-aid"?) straight out of a high-schooler's secret journal ///
+++ really like that extended scream at the end; great way to end a song +++

melvin - download
+++ the call-response thing for the chorus is awesome; i'm singing along +++ the double vox work really well; i wish i could pull this off +++
--- the high-pitched synth-thing doesn't work quite so well; how about something more robust? ---
+++ trumpet? interesting choice, and it works, too +++

fwc
+++ cool vibe/beat +++
--- mumbling ---
/// needs more punch, or at least more dynamics; no, it needs more of both ///

jacob lynn
/// i feel like i'm describing wine... good build, flowers well, leaves a rather pleasant aftertaste, but there's something amiss in the boquet; must have been a very rainy year ///

wes davis
+++ the lyrics make me smirk +++
/// needs the whole congregation clapping and then singing along ///
--- there's a repetition and then there's repetition; and then there's repetition; repetition ---

kill me sarah
--- sliding into and out of notes is hard; to do it right, you have to move from one distinct tone to another; none of your tones are distinct, they just blur ---
+++ that said, i really like the whole idea of this song +++
--- the the guitar hiccups here and there as you change chords ---

thornberry - download
+++ dirge-like opening +++
+++ the falsetto is really good +++
--- the piano arpeggio/soloing is a little loose ---
+++ for most of the song, it's buried down there in the mix, but that basswork is awesome +++

dr. spectacular's circus
+++ i really like the lyrical concept +++
/// this has some cool bits, but someone needs to attack with it some scissors and change it's tai-chi into karate ///

mab jonah - download, no wait, it's right here...
+++ d-lusion's RD-H30+ is my friend +++
/// as for the key, it helps that the chorus really doesn't have one; it's really just a random collection of notes. there's just nothing for her to singing along with ///
--- the only thing i would like is to give the song more punch and urgency ----

jeff robertson
--- off-key vox ---
--- out-of-time slide ---
+++ however, nice shot at a 19th-century spiritual +++

doscientos - download (i'm starting a collection)
+++ fun, like always +++
/// this has the verve and craft that jeff robertson's offering lacks ///
--- too short! i know that short and sweet is your m.o., but could we have just a little more? ---

Bjam: Your voice always shines, and the rasp on this track takes it to another level. Try to get a cold before all future recording sessions! I think this might be my favourite tune of yours. A few of the harmonies are a bit off, but harmonies are a great idea.

Caravan Ray: Someone’s review criticized the first big “Adonaiâ€

melvin wrote: I hate to ask a dumb question, but who’s singing anyway? Is that Thornberry?

Thanks for all the positive feedback (and the negative ones too, those help me bunches) from you and everyone.

Yes that is Thornberry, as is all the instruments, in everything i submit ( i wish i had a band, it'd make things sound better). I am working on my drumming! seeming as i get whacked every week for the weak rhythem section...but im trying!:)

Thornberry wrote:

melvin wrote: I hate to ask a dumb question, but who’s singing anyway? Is that Thornberry?

Thanks for all the positive feedback (and the negative ones too, those help me bunches) from you and everyone.

Yes that is Thornberry

Thornberry I absolutely love your vocals this go-round! Very Alex Chilton. Actually, the whole song has some very Big Star sounding production in good ways. Not derivative, but evocative. I like a lot!

Actually, this whole fight kicks ass! Bjam, I second the many folks out there who've especially liked your vocals/track this go-round. I can't believe this was a 20 minute effort! Woo!

Oh, and excellent job, everyone else... perhaps I'll get round to posting me some real reviews in the near future.

hey, i think this is a great fight. i voted for mab jonah.

Thornberry wrote:

melvin wrote: I hate to ask a dumb question, but who’s singing anyway? Is that Thornberry?

...Yes that is Thornberry...

What the hell? That's a guy singing??!??!?

I really like the song...wow! I hear it now...but there's definitely a female vocalist on the Adonai part, right?

boltoph wrote:

Thornberry wrote:

melvin wrote: I hate to ask a dumb question, but who’s singing anyway? Is that Thornberry?

...Yes that is Thornberry...

What the hell? That's a guy singing??!??!?

I really like the song...wow! I hear it now...but there's definitely a female vocalist on the Adonai part, right?

OH man, all manliness I have ever had is slipping away...(things) are shrinking as we speak...

in my defense, I did my best to sound, not like a girl necessarily, but to sound very bright and high on the higher notes. BUT, to answer the question, yes, all the "adonai" parts are a 200 pound man singing three part harmony

Thornberry's been Emasculat3d!

Thornberry wrote:question, yes, all the "adonai" parts are a 200 pound man singing three part harmony

And it kicks ass!

Thornberry wrote:...all manliness I have ever had is slipping away..

...yes, all the "adonai" parts are a 200 pound man singing three part harmony

I've heard your voice other songs and didn't feel this way, your voice definitely sounds different on this one. And the ability to alter your sound like that is interesting. Don't take it the wrong way. Did I mention who I voted for? Eff, knowing that you're able to alter your voice like that, almost makes it better...except now i'm shunning those initial feelings I had when I heard the song. Those warm feelings. The oppposite of shrinking. Now that I know it's not a girl...<shudder>

I have a few minutes..lets try some reviews.

Melvin- You always have good classic rock guitar licks, stuff I try to write and just can't. Good little shouts in the back-round. I like the live drums, I think that is a keeper for all your future fights . Im a little skeptical about the synth that rages through the song, can't decide if I like it or dislike it. I can tell you, I am not neutral. I also think the trombone or whatever is GOOD touch, ive seen you got some flack for that, but I think it went well. Good song, not your best, but a solid song.

Doscientos - I think this is like, the 4th fight in a row we've been in the same one, which is bad for me cause you guys are just so much fun! This one is no expection. I like your stuff a lot, just couldnt listen to it so much. But you got the 50's thing down so well, everything from the guitar tone, to the tingy reverb, to of course your voice. Its all very good. I think you have a very good chance for a win this time around.

Bjam - hey you pronounced Adonai right, unlike me and melvin. Vox= good as always, nothing new there. I see what people were talking about with the multi-track harmonies being a bit off. An awesome idea, just needs to be perfected. I think this song would be great with a bit more instrumentation, I know acoustic is your thing, but this song would be great with some extra stuff. But very good.

Jacob Lynn - Bulding...building...BUILDING!! and then something pretty instead of rockin. Interesting...im about a minute in and im not caught yet...ill keep listening though. This does have a spacey feel, which fits the title I guess....Adonai is in space somewhere right? And all these sounds are just the struggle to find Him right? Very noisy in a soft way. The distorting...things..kinda get on my nerve..kinda are a good effect. Im guessing that is a sample of the choir, but it was my favorite part. I like the kinda gergorian chant/monk choir sound. I actually though this was pretty well done.

Jacob Lynn - there we go, some Bible belt music. This reminds me of on Team America when they did the song about "freedom isnt free" and they really overdid the country accent while singing. Thats what this reminds me of, whether you meant it like that or not, it works. Vocals a little off pitch, but nothing that makes me tear my hair out. this coulda used some stand-up bass, or some jugs (ya know, when the blow to go from the dominant to the tonic dum-dum) Not bad.

fourthgradegladiators- Sounds like that michael from REM, accept he cant haer himself so hes a little off key. I think this could really be rockin with some good production and maybe a bit of autotune. But definetly a solid song that could be really quite good.

fwc - You sound strung out. I think Melvin mentioned that. Its kinda funny. I have a friend who kinda sings like this, even when hes trying to rock out. But this has a good quality mellow feel to it. I wouldnt listen to it often, but its entertaining.

Mab Jonah - Who's ready to dance? But in a trance-like way. I read that this was Bjam singing right? Its interesting to hear your voice in a different context that it usually is. I probably prefer it like you usually do it, this is kinda creepy actually. Sounds like something they'd play during a movie when your having flashbacks of the...not-so-friendly kind. But hey, those kind of songs have to exist to, and it was definitly good for that.

Dr. Spectacular's Power Circus ahhh piano. Love to hear it. Not a bad riff, like a "Thousand Miles" kinda feel...for better or worse. this is like a worship song, which too fits the title. I read your inspiration for these words, and its a good thing I did, or it would have turned me off. I see what you were going for, and for the most part you got it. I just think you might have been able to get those same 'simple' ideas across in a little more lyrical way. I think putting so much emphasis on the 'P' in the puppy, for example, takes away from the song. But definetely not what i was expecting from your name. I thought i was going to get a ...well....circus. This is nice though, and really could be used in church.

Caravan Ray - Another Bible Belt. This one is probably better than the first. Like Johnny Cash havin a lil fun. I dont really know what to say about this one. Its a fun little country tune, my feet are a-tappin'. Until you start talkin about I assume Republicans, I was waitin for somebody to say somethin about that. Fun little tune.

Thornberry - This is me doing an impression of a female apparantly. This was my stab at singing high, I have been working hard on increasing my range, but its still not there, as the voice cracking can tell you. And on a few listen backs after I submitted, I noticed i worried so much about getting to the higher notes, that I kinda missed the pitch...so that was a regret. Oh well.

Kill Me Sarah - its a very nice melody. Very chill. Little more variation might have been nice, but at least you kept it short, so It didnt get boring. That was pretty sweet.

Wes Davis - I suppose its funny. Defintely different, so props for that. But ya, it does get a bit old.


Dr. Spectacular's Power Circus , Doscientos and Kill me Sarah all had great things to offer, as did Melvin and the chick on Thornberry's track

boltoph wrote: except now i'm shunning those initial feelings I had when I heard the song. Those warm feelings. The oppposite of shrinking. Now that I know it's not a girl...<shudder>

Oh man, it took me a second, but I musta laughed for about 3 minutes when I got that.

starfinger wrote:hey, i think this is a great fight. i voted for mab jonah.

w00t! thanks for the vote. i'd definitely look forward to more collaborating with bjam.

and i quite concur; definitely some gems here. i think fights like this are really the quintessence of songfight with its diversity of styles and craft.

- njm