Everybody was kung fu fighting (Ninja Gang Reviews)

[Bjam]

I just hope the fight next week isn't "Twenty-seven Holes in the Ground" and we have to listen to Bjam and Heather.Redmond sing about male fear of commitment.

Seriously! I mean, is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female, nor a feminine looking male. And what's the deal with you guys not wanting kids?! Why do you not want children?! And if you dare not snuggle me then death shall be received! Death. Marriage isn't that bad! It'll just cost a couple thousand of dollars, and I really want that $53,000 dress from Vera Wang. And, y'know, marraige is only forever. It's not that long.

Man, now I'm horribly tempted to do a song about male fear of commitment. Hrm. 'Glass Eye' indeed.

[Leaf]

Glass eye only gives me images of obscure porn.

[Jim of Seattle]

I mean, is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female

Uh... guys, you want me to take this one?

<font color=red size=7>YES!!!</font>

[Leaf]

My wife and i have an arrangement. she get's to talk about unrealistic secarios like if Brad Pitt shows up what she'd do, and I get to look at porn.

It's a fair trade.


This must be a wicked fight if we get this sidetracked.... guess I should commit to doing reviews of this fight... only to review the other instead because it seemed impulsively more appealling...

[Bjam]

Glass eye only gives me images of obscure porn.

Same.

I mean, is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female

Uh... guys, you want me to take this one?

<font color=red size=7>YES!!!</font>

Oh, bah.

[erik]

And, y'know, marraige is only forever.

My grandma, before she passed, recounted a tale to my "cool uncle" who then later told it to me. It seems that they were talking about religion and death and the afterlife and things of that nature, specifically what would happen in Heaven if my grandmother died before my grandfather, or vice versa. And my grandma said something along the lines of "Oh, in Heaven, we're on our own. I'm doing my own thing up there, because the ceremony said 'till DEATH us do part'. "

So my grandma is a playa up in Heaven.

*sniff*

[WeaselSlayer]

A'ight here are my reviews:


Caravan Ray: I love this. It sounds like I'm watching a terrible Japanese cartoon show, and I love watching terrible Japanese cartoon shows. "Ninja happy happy gang"? Genius. Or something like it. Nice dirty spaghetti western guitar tone. Reminds me a bit of the opening theme to Repo Man.

C Hack: I like your voice a lot more than I like a lot of songfight voices. You sound like you're saying something terribly important, which I think is what all songwriters should do. Love the homage to Johnny C. The lyrics aren't dazzling, but I don't think this title called for any really brilliant stuff. I love the break from the pattern a little after halfway through. A lovely little flourish.

Code Burnt Umber: I'd say this is genius, but mama didn't raise a liar.

Three Hole Punch: The world always needs great indie pop, and this fits the bill perfectly. Lovely vocals, lovely keyboard, lovely beat, super duper sweet and I enjoy it a lot. Again, sounds a bit like a Japanese cartoon show song.

Luke Henley: I should spend more than 10 minutes on these things.

8 Legged Oedipus: I love the music backing this up, very Tom Waits which is a beautiful thing. The vocals have this weird sorta twang to them though that I don't think fit so well. Maybe it's just because I wanted Tom to start singing. Alright, I like it a lot more when all the harmony kicks in. This drags a bit- never mind. I love it when the beat goes fuggin nuts. This is a bit frustrating because I love parts of it and other parts make me very bored. The parts I love, I LOVE love though.

Wounded Sea Turtle: I'm all for atmosphere, but...

Pileus: I love the beat, but this isn't really my bag otherwise. I don't whether to get naked or to... I dunno, dislike the lyrics and presentation. I do love For a Fistfull of Dollars, though, and fucking kudos for using it. This kind of reminds me of Portishead with that guy from Powerman 5000 rapping. Which I wish I loved, but I just can't. Way too long as well, but I might have ADD so there you go.

The Dark Side of Archeology: Distantly funky. Oh, ok, there we go. Japanese cartoons once again. I like how this sounds all dark - like "I Wanna Be Your Dog" a bit - but the lyrics aren't dark at all. Also, radio samples are always amazing. I love the distant production on this, and the mish mosh of styles and elements and whatnot. The keyboard is deliciously desparate. Alliteration, the way of the future. The way of the future.

WreckdoM: Ahh, the days when I used to listen to "When in Rome Do as the Vandals Do" and GWAR, those were beautiful days. Thanks for the ticket to memory lane.

The Frontalittle Squad: I just really have never gotten into whiteboynerdrap. I'm sorry, it's not you... it's me. Nice sampling though. Is the guy rapping over the Nintendo sample supposed to be your ODB? Smoke more crack, it'll learn you better.

Songfight Orchestra: I'm eager to hear all this pieced together.

Casio Choir: Someone always makes me think of Ween. This week it's you. I love Ween and I love this song.

Sleazy D Collective: I dig this vibe, but it bores me after a bit. Sorry some of these reviews are super long and some are just like "blah blah period."

Boltoph: Highly competent, but really not my thing. The actual singing part is alright. I like the end a lot, I wish there was more stuff like that in the rest.

Butterskoskostage: This is kind of awkward in its goofiness. It's almost like "why put in all the effort to make everything sound so slick and then just make it way goofy?'" I like the odd mouthy noises.

Consume, Vagina Boy!: Ninjas' got wangs. I'm speechless.

Neil Thrun: A beautiful little love song that makes a ball-cutting joke. Precious. Everybody sort of has a comedy voice on these, as do you sir. It usually bugs me, but it kinda works on this.


I'm gonna vote for Caravan Ray because I shat in his letterbox anyway, and I feel kinda like a dick about it. Also his song was way better than all yours, ya sorry sonsa bitches.

[j$]

is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female.

It's not a problem for me.

[Spud]

is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female

technical query: where is the harm in looking? I mean, I am married, not dead.

[c hack]

is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female

technical query: where is the harm in looking? I mean, I am married, not dead.

Am I the only one who thought her post was tounge-in-cheek?

[Caravan Ray]

There are a lot of vaginal / sword as manhood refernces in this fight.

I think that's only because "gang" rhymes with "wang" (and "peng.....uin")

[Pileus]

hey thanks for all the reviews, This is the first song i've ever attempted to rhyme on, so thats why the vox sound weak. as for the second part being kind of off, it was partially freestyled, and then reworked, but i'm a rock musician so its not my usual style but me and my buddy hope to compete regularly on here, i will say the track i loved and i mean loved, if i could have had sex with it i would have, that track would be from Three hole Punch, a happier track has not been seen in this fight. and they got my vote as for the adolecent lyrics, i mean why else could come from a title such as Ninja Gang? hehe.. well good luck every one as we prepare for battle in next weeks fight! any mixing ideas for my vocals would be appreciated, just direct them to my email..

Chazz & Timmy - Pileus

[Butt_Baby]

This is my second review (*u*)b

Neil Thrun and the Doom Fairies Well, this is the first title i started on this week, because quite frankly, when i read the name aloud, i squealed, farted, clapped, and then, i swear to god, my taint wiggled. Then, i pressed play on my mp3 player, and stopped the track 23 seconds in. Back to the drawing board, you fairy faggots.



Wounded Sea Turtle Do you think this name's funny? Ask my buddies in the Peace Corps if they get a gay little chuckle when they think about dying face down in the sand from Vietnamese machine gun fire while trying to release Giant Albino Sea Turtle babies into the ocean. As for the music, 3 homeless retarded children infected with syphillis could produce better beats than the crap that's presently staining my computer speakers. Two flippers down to the sea floor, bitch.


Consume, Vagina Boy If you spent half the amount of time it took you to come up with this handicapped fucking name on making a decent song, you would wind up with something better than this, which would be enough to make Ronald McDonald take a carbon-monoxide nap in his big hamburger car in his FryLand garage. Open up your tonal range, play with your testicles, put some rogaine on your chest, and be a man, you vaginal adolescent.



Casio Choir This is sort of fun. When i finished dling this track, i sat back, lit a smoke, and, once the tunes kicked in, imagined what it would be like to watch a bearded lady get raped by a gang of midget clowns and alligator wrestlers. This isn't original, but it's sort of funny. You'll never be ween, and if you think you will, the Mollusk will infect you with AIDS.


Dark Side of Archaeology Nah, you got the name wrong. it should read "The Dark, Bloody Side of a Used Tampon". A word of advice; never try and save a shitty song by changing genres in the piece. You aren't good enough to be a jam band, and anyway, you ripped this name off of a band from miami; "The Mint-Green Side of Anthropology". Two thumbs down, bitches.


More reviews to come! <(*u*)>

[c.layne]

i can't tell if i was laughing with or at, but i was laughing nonetheless

[Caravan Ray]

i can't tell if i was laughing with or at, but i was laughing nonetheless

Heh heh - I'm laughing with - of course, he hasn't done mine yet though...

[NeilThrun]

I dont know wtf everyones problem is with this fight. I for one have really enjoyed it.

People have been saying my song sucks, which might be true. Others have said it was too long, this I do not agree with. The shorter version i recorded sucked. Maybe it just needed to be alot longer, or the current length with more or better lyrics.

heres a couple i liked

Code Burn Tumber-YEAH, this is my kind of rap. So obscene and awesome. I love the chorus part. Ninja pussy on my ninja wang. Fucking awesome.

eight legged oedipus-cool beats, alright vocals. I love that japanese insturment, I cant remeber the name of it though. Like a harp thing. Cool bass.

luke henley-Totally nonsensical. I like it. And its not Nazi gang, its Nazi political party. The latter supposedly gives it validity.

pileus-Awesome voice. Total lounge funk style. Very smooth. Cool scratching effects. Either you got some nice samples or you know what your doing. Needed a nice saxophone solo.

Three hole punch-Awesome melody and stuff. Its just all cool.

Wreckdom-Hardcore. Cool samples. Yeah awesome.

Boltoph-Pretty good, kind of soft. But nice.

c hack-Your guitar playing is way better than mine. Cool song.

Caravan Ray-Cool song. Wicked Lyrics. Its very Dead Kenedeys.


Yeah so stop complaining about the fight, just because you might like serious or good music doesnt mean this sucks. I give props to people who record crappy music. You know why? Because there are allready too many people recording good music. It takes too long to listen too all the good music, im tired of it. More shit, now.

[HeuristicsInc]

because when someone lazily proclaims "well this whole fight pretty much sucks but i'm not gonna really tell you why", i'll be thinking "why did we really need to know this?"

Okay, you want my didn't-like-much reviews, you got them.
all this crap is my opinion. i feel like i need to say that here because my opinion is not high on these songs, for the most part.

wreckdom - i like how this is more like a song. but the voice doesn't really fit the music. "you have dishonored me" and "the iron fists of wreckdom" are good.

casio choir - the repeating motif sounds a bit too much like the one from trio's "da da da." seems ripped off. enjoyable tho.

luke - the beginning is stumbling all over the shop, breaking things. then it changes. i don't like the vocals at all. the synth parts are out of time. the drums are pretty good. i like the fake handclaps, but then the synths and yelling come in again. yuk.

wounded - nice opening, good echo. i like the layered percussions. the static noise is out of time and too loud. what does this have to do with ninjas or gangs?

pileus - this is ok. the vocals are a bit expressionless. think this section with samples is going on a bit long. the drums and bass are nice. maybe you need a good chorus in here. not too excited about the lyrics. at 4:30 i'm thinking "how much longer is this?" but i don't hate it. that "yahh" noise is cool.

boltoph - this is pretty cool. when you sing "our ninja gang" it sounds not so good, rerecord that part. i like the drums, maybe a touch too loud. good guitars. this is definitely the best song so far. tho this part around 2:40, time-wise, doesn't work as well as the rest did.

c hack - your lyrics are funny. at first i wasn't sure about this song, but now i like it a lot on the second listen. "they had 20 swords, gun, arrows" is good stuff. i don't follow where the "i would do anything" comes from, but that's ok.

sforch - timing seems kind of off, so the elements don't play that well together, but i like all of them separately.

consume - sounds amateurish. i think with a voice like this you need to do something weird with the vox. also, the lyrics aren't all that. "ninjas got wangs"? sheesh. time to eat some oven fries and watch simpsons.

sleazy - this is pretty neat, but is missing some "je ne sais quios" or however you spell that. i just don't feel like the parts meld that well.

3hole - cute. "disgust us/justice" is funny. cute, but a bit short.

oedipus - this part at 1:20 is good. interesting use of samples. i think the "chorus" part is stronger than the "not chorus" part. at 4:21 the instrumental break is very good.

butter - great music. the lyrics aren't up to snuff, though. "seepin/weepin/kick your ass" is pretty contrived.

code - starting right off with lyrics i hate to go along with the terrible flow. yes, this was one of the ones i stopped listening to before it ended. ok, i'll do it again. this is just offensive in many ways. watch me hit "delete."

caravan - the music is pretty neat. weird silly person. i kind of like it, but then again i think it's just too silly. i will conclude with "silly but pretty good."

fronts - not the best frontalittle. you rhymed the wang too, huh. wait, i recognize that guitar sample. which songfight was that from? good karate kid sample.

neil - too much repetition on the chorus. not too enamored of the lyrics, but this is ok. "in the forest" doesn't work well rhythmically. this is ok. oops i said it twice so it must be true.

1: boltoph, c hack, oedipus
2: wreckdom, casio, wounded, pileus, sforch, sleazy, 3hole, butter, caravan, fronts, neil
999999999: code

the songs that make me happy are the 3 1 levels. my vote for Best Song goes to c hack.
-bill

[jack]

see bill, that wasn't so bad

[HeuristicsInc]

yes it was, i think i was right.
only 3 #1s. with that said, i liked the other fight. don't know if i'll have time to review it tho.
-bill

[Denyer]

def author = dj moves

[Me$$iah]

A girl walks into a bar
she walk upto the bar tender and says
"Id like a double entendre please"
so he gave her one

[j$]

is it THAT much to ask that you don't look at another female

technical query: where is the harm in looking? I mean, I am married, not dead.

'Married .... buried ....' [/Nirvana]