Shoot For Tuesday (reviews)

Discuss upcoming, current, and previous song fights.
jseavers05
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Shoot For Tuesday (reviews)

Post by jseavers05 »

so another last minute entry for me. i wish i had more time to master and work on the song, but thats always the case. anyways, im going to bed! yey. twas a fun title to use. cant wait till the songs are posted! all 34 of them.
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Post by erik »

*files away his Aimee Mannslaughter joke*

LET US HEAR THE SONGS I BET THEY ARE GREAT
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Post by slowRodeo »

whew here we go:

johnny in the corner - Kinda funky groove, but kinda became droning to me. lyrics were the glue for me. still needed something more, i felt i was waiting for it go double time and get some more feeling out of your singing. ended rather abrubtly for how droning the music was. though im sure that was on purpose, and actually i liked that. :roll: C+

melvin - i liked the handclaps. when i read the title this was exactly the song i expected to hear. i liked your voice though. drums came in at just the right time. And the end seemed a little wierd to me, not in the cool way johnny did it though. :wink: B-

ryan r. - I'm a sucker for harmonica also whistle solos (i.e. jealous guy). with that said the drums bothered me. not alot of memorability here you basically played the same strum pattern for the whole song and that came across rather boring. Sometimes that works(i.e. johnny cash) but it didn't for you. but i did like the harmonica. C-

Thanks for the frisbee - Loved the music in this. very nice. did you mean to leave the voice crack?" peace through the downpours". You sound like you are 17 in this song. melody was lacking, in my opinion, compared to some of your previous stuff. you had half the package to me. half way there. good things: music, started out great. bad things: melody = uninspired C

The special relatives - didn't really work for me. unless you are trying to alienate me with your music that i didn't know about.D-

pstbp - from your name i wasn't looking forward to this. ok not good. you deserve to be sterile. see above. unable to grade the UNsong.

JSeavers - ooooh i like this. voice is mixed perfect in my opinion. right up front and clear. i couldn't get your sound figured out is it electronic with a band feel or band with an electronic feel. If it was the latter then the snare needed a little more attack or punch or whatever they call it. Actually nevermind thats just nitpicky, this was absolutely great. Good ending too. A


Ratt poizon - you hold a special place in my heart. you obviously love alcohol,.. alot. only wierd songfight music i like. for someone with your love of death metal you seem to go with a relatively slowish tempo. Also this was rather long. Although i liked the end how you dropped the left side then the right. one listen.

LMNOP - i'm also going to wash my hair on tuesday. don't know why.C-

Rio Mondo - This isn't a song. did you expect to win? I fart in your general direction.

SissyFist - AHHHH! That beginning was abrasive. That made me think this was going to be something crappy. mmm. your voice kinda reminded me of smashing pumpkins. When it went crazy, i went "oh crap, this sucks!" but then i went " OK! i'm on board" After it ended i felt a little disenchanted. C+

dublin duck dispensary - Mumble mumble. i couldn't understand you. i'm sorry i daydreamed during your entire song so that could have gotten better. and i'm not listening to it again to re-review it . could be worse. i could have blued you and just ignored that it existed. although some would argue that this was worse, i would disagree with them.

those meddling kids - I loved the typewriter sound. this was very good. certainly entertaining. i like your sound/style alot. A

I haven't decided who i shall vote for but it is between Jordan Seavers and Those meddling kids. great fight! i just can't decide.

I shall however predict that Jordan wins this by 5 votes.

all reviews based on one listen. first impressions are very important.


-Trevor
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Post by j$ »

slow rodeo wrote: The lyrics were the glue
Hey. I am not sure I understand this. Do you mean the lyric is holding the song together? It's what holds your interest? It's holding the song down?

Actually all the things you mention were deliberate - the drone, the lack of variation, the lack of emotion. They are meant to convey the meaning of the lyric, and distance myself from the character. And thanks to Jack's as ever stellar contribution, I think we got to where I wanted the song to go - porn film soundtrack as recorded by Ian Dury on downers.

However, not so deliberate was the one-take guide vocal left in as I didn't have time to re-record it. It's a bit wonky, even by own a bit wonky standards.
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Thanks For The Frisbee
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Post by Thanks For The Frisbee »

slowRodeo wrote:
Thanks for the frisbee - Loved the music in this. very nice. did you mean to leave the voice crack?" peace through the downpours". You sound like you are 17 in this song. melody was lacking, in my opinion, compared to some of your previous stuff. you had half the package to me. half way there. good things: music, started out great. bad things: melody = uninspired C
thanks for the honesty. actually there were a lot of things in this song that i wanted to re-do ( including the crack....in the vocals :D ) but a hottie told me that she liked it...and foolishly i listened :lol: i kinda had a feeling this song wouldnt be recieved with open arms, and now seeing all the awesome fighters in this fight i am TOAST :D
Thanks again for the speedy review and the constructive critique
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Post by Ryan Rickenbach »

slowRodeo wrote:first impressions are very important.
When it comes to music, I couldn't disagree more. :)
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Post by slowRodeo »

j$ wrote:
slow rodeo wrote: The lyrics were the glue
Hey. I am not sure I understand this. Do you mean the lyric is holding the song together? It's what holds your interest? It's holding the song down?

Actually all the things you mention were deliberate
Yes all those. they made the song for me. they were what i enjoyed most about the song. i figured it was all deliberate. doesn't mean i had to like it all though. :D great show.
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Post by LMNOP »

DDD – Sounds like you might be equipment- and opportunity-challenged. Are you singing into a computer mic in such a way that someone in the next room can’t hear? If not, take a deep breath and put some oomph into it! Beyond that, there’s not a whole lot here, I’m afraid. Not much going on with the melody and that synth becomes tiring on the ears pretty quickly. Can’t make out the words at all.

Johnny In The Corner – Oh, loving the instrumentation at the front: electric piano, wah guitar (or two?), a little Memphis organ and funky clav thing in the background, all anchored by sparse bass. Splendid! It gets a little busy for my taste later on but that’s a small matter. I know you said the rhythmic monotony in the vocal is all part of the plan but I gotta vote no on that – just a little more syncopation, please.

Jordan Seavers – Nicely put together. I’m really not crazy about this but it’s got a lot of nice elements and I think it’s mostly the lack of anything that sounds like, you know, a musical instrument that puts me off. I’d probably be much more excited about it with plain ol’ guitars and piano or something. Nice job on the vocals.

Melvin – Ah, catchy little pop tune. Effective change of texture in the last :45 or so. Tuning issues on the acoustic? Or my-strings-are-so-old-they-sound-in-tune-on-some-chords-but-not-others syndrome?

picwhatever – I’m just really not equipped to provide any meaningful commentary on something that has no lyric, no melody and no beat. Sorry.

Ratt Poizon – Really nice production on this, by which I mean it seems like it probably sounds exactly like you want it to. The middle part is kinda interesting but the two-chord stuff in the first and last two minutes gets old pretty fast. I hate the National Weather Service alert tones. Or, wait, those would be more distorted. I hate those fax machine tones. Or...well, you know what I mean.

Rio Mondo – Pretty amusing for what it is. I particularly like the human squealing tires.

Ryan Rickenbach – Ever listen to early Beatles stuff on headphones? When every track seems like it’s either right or left with nothing in between? The lead vocal in my right ear bugs me in the same way. There. I just compared you to the Beatles. Don’t say I never did anything for you. Otherwise, this is pleasant enough but never gets anywhere. I want a hook. I think I heard a bridge but the rhythm and the percussion stayed exactly the same.

Sissy Fist – Whoa. Those guitars aren’t in tune with each other, are they? Are you just playing some strange Grecian Formula scale that my ears aren’t used to? Micro-tones, baby! Sorry, I got nothing else – I just keep cocking my head to the side, somehow hoping that that will make it seem like there’s only one song going on here.

Special Relatives – My player says this was recorded at some nice thick bitrate so we can appreciate the subtle overtones. My ears say it’s a bunch of guys sitting around a laptop, two of whom don’t know the changes.

Damn, I get mean later in the alphabet. Want a good review from me? Name your band Aardvarks United or something.

Thanks For The Frisbee – You’ve got a nice voice and some decent guitar chops but they strike me as underutilized here. It’s like you have a nice chunk of ham and you just stick it between two pieces of white bread, rudely ignoring that crusty brown roll and all the exotic mustards and cheeses in the fridge. My, ain’t I poetic? What I mean is, as I’m listening, it seems like the melody just pretty much stays in the same half-octave or so and an awful lot of the phrases end on the same note. I just keep waiting for something to happen. Pass the mustard, please.

Those Meddling Kids – This is pretty good. I’m distracted, in a bad way, by that fake manual typewriter sound. (Is that what it is? I saw somebody wrote that. Me no likey in any event.) I like the groove much better when the drums kick in except that the “shoot shoot kill killâ€
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Ryan Rickenbach
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Post by Ryan Rickenbach »

Sorry to all my listeners about the balance of the mix. I just found out how heavy my mix is to the right side. I thought something was wrong in Logic so I spent hours recording different tracks for L and R side to make it sound equal to me.

I was listening to some different music today and found out that OS X had set my balance way to the left so I was hearing everything distorted.

God damnit.

Edit: I can't believe the reviewer above me beat me to this. Our posts are literally seconds apart. :x

Edit: Well it took me about 5 minutes to correct the mix, and for what it's worth I'll upload the new version when I get home and off this 56k connection.
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Post by Thanks For The Frisbee »

LMNOP wrote: Thanks For The Frisbee – You’ve got a nice voice and some decent guitar chops but they strike me as underutilized here. It’s like you have a nice chunk of ham and you just stick it between two pieces of white bread, rudely ignoring that crusty brown roll and all the exotic mustards and cheeses in the fridge. My, ain’t I poetic? What I mean is, as I’m listening, it seems like the melody just pretty much stays in the same half-octave or so and an awful lot of the phrases end on the same note. I just keep waiting for something to happen. Pass the mustard, please.

.
thanks. yes i agree with the analogy :) ( if i spelled that right it was an accident) i guess im in kindof a dry spell musically. do you think i desperately need other instruments ( drums, bass ect..) or is there something i could do to spice it up otherwise? like an extra change, or just some variation in the way i sing certain lines? i wanna make a sammich dang it!! :x
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Post by LMNOP »

TFTF - "Guy and guitar" gets a lot of grief around these parts but I'm really talking about the melody and the underlying changes rather than the arrangement.

Let me give you three specific criticisms:

1) You sing a phrase and the next line is almost always the exact same phrase. Same chords, too.
2) As I mentioned earlier, you're not using very many different notes. The chorus goes a little higher than the verses, but most of the notes are in a very small range.
3) Rhythmically, there's not much variety either. You hit the "one", the "and of two" and the "four" over and over again.

Some things to try on your next song:

1) Simply refuse to let the first chord of the second phrase be the same as the first chord of the first phrase.
2) Change chords twice as quickly in the chorus as in the verse (or vice versa).
3) Write a bridge. Start it on a chord you haven't used elsewhere in the song.
4) Hold some notes longer. Start a phrase with a whole note or something. At least in this song, you fall into a trap that very familiar to me -- using only rhythms that are "conversational", i.e. most of the notes are relatively short.

Just some things to try. If they don't work for you, try something else.
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Post by Thanks For The Frisbee »

wow! thank you so much for the advice. i will definately try this stuff out.
i have my song written for next week, im going to compare the qualities of the song against the advice you gave and try to tweek it accordingly.
i really appreciate the advice so thanks again!
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Post by Märk »

Semi-constructive reviews:

Dublin Duck Dispensary: OH MAN I BET THIS IS GONNA WIN. NO, REALLY.

Johnny in the Corner: Man, lose the brit accent. You guys actually say 'drawr ring'? God. This is pretty cookie-cutter pop-pseudo-blues. But it was pretty okay, Jack and Johnny. Er, I mean Jahrnny. :)

Jordan Seavers: This is pretty good. Constructive advice: needs a changeup, maybe a double-time section or something. Pleasant background music though. The ahh-ah-ah-ah part got boring. Needs to be about 2 minutes shorter, too.

LMNOP: I just really don't like this easy-listening blues stuff. Nothing is wrong with it, except maybe the vocals are a bit weak. You can sing, maybe you should have tried a few more takes with more feeling or something.

Melvin: Nonono, the handclaps thing was for round one of the nur ein fight! Kidding, this is good as usual. Sounds like a song you'd hear on a teen-centric titty movie as they're running down the beach.

pics chat whatever: fuck you.

Rattpoizon: Well. The first song I'm getting into in this fight. Horribly cheesey, etc., but I likes me some cheddar metal. The burps are a nice touch. The second section is totally White Zombie, except with way cooler guitars. Hey, rest of remaining songs? You'd better be awesome, or this gets my vote.

Rio Mondo: This was just stupid. Why did you submit this?

Ryan Rickenbach: I like the mood of this a lot, the singing is very nice. You're off the beat here and there, but it's forgivable. Really super-nice song, dude.

Sissy Fist: You don't have to play like fucking crap to be 'indie'. It sounds like you had a great song here, then figured you had better slop it all up because god forbid you do a song without 16 dissonant fucking crap noises going on at once. God, someone might think you're Alice in Chains or something. Vocals are good, regardless.

The Special Relatives: This is sloppy, uninteresting shite.

Thanks for the Frisbee: Nice fingerpicking. Good song. Sounds a bit too derivative of something else though...

(sorry, getting worn out by this point)

Meddling Kids: Oh what a horrible mixture of sounds. The drum machine sucks, totally. The singing is mediocre. The lyrics almost made me blow a snot bubble. Sorry. The second section sounds way better. This would be a great song with real (or better programmed) drums, stronger vocals, and better mixing on (a shorter) first section. Constructive advice: cut the first section in half, double the second section, and do a (very brief) recap to the first section at the end.
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Post by jseavers05 »

Sven wrote:Jordan Seavers: This is pretty good. Constructive advice: needs a changeup, maybe a double-time section or something. Pleasant background music though. The ahh-ah-ah-ah part got boring. Needs to be about 2 minutes shorter, too.
i completely agree. haha, it was one of those nights where i finished half of the song and i was like... "i dont wanna finish it anymore" but then the other side of my brain is like... "you just spent like 4 hours already. just finish the song." and then it ended up being super late and i didnt care about the song. i just wanted something to put me to sleep.
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Post by jseavers05 »

melvin, dude this song is awsome. you should win this one, just like you should have on pretty much every other one of your entries. rad
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Post by furrypedro »

Sven wrote:Johnny in the Corner: Man, lose the brit accent.
yeah, and change your skin colour while your at it
Sven wrote:pics chat whatever: fuck you.
nice
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Post by j$ »

Hehehe Sven what will we do with you? Your review is completely useless because you didn't compare me to Boy George this time round :)
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Post by Thanks For The Frisbee »

jseavers05 wrote:melvin, dude this song is awsome. you should win this one, just like you should have on pretty much every other one of your entries. rad
i agree, melvins song is awesome, as have been every entry ive heard from him in the time ive been around here.
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Post by Märk »

j$ wrote:Hehehe Sven what will we do with you? Your review is completely useless because you didn't compare me to Boy George this time round :)
I almost did, but I backspaced.
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Post by melvin »

Wow, thanks for the comments Jordan and Frisbee. Made my day!

Reviews:

Dublin Duck Dispensary: Sounds like a half-decent song with bad production and a half-assed performance. Maybe a little more passion, a touch of confidence, and less of that synth would help it come alive.

Johnny In The Corner: The lyrics made me chuckle, but the instrumental stuff sounds insincere – like a prop to help make the joke.

Jordan Seavers: Classic Seavers, and maybe that’s the problem this time around. Perhaps something more distinctive in the lyrics would have helped this stand out more from your previous entries. Though I know this was a “rush jobâ€
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Post by Kill Me Sarah »

LMNOP wrote: Some things to try on your next song:

1) Simply refuse to let the first chord of the second phrase be the same as the first chord of the first phrase.
2) Change chords twice as quickly in the chorus as in the verse (or vice versa).
3) Write a bridge. Start it on a chord you haven't used elsewhere in the song.
4) Hold some notes longer. Start a phrase with a whole note or something. At least in this song, you fall into a trap that very familiar to me -- using only rhythms that are "conversational", i.e. most of the notes are relatively short.

Just some things to try. If they don't work for you, try something else.
Not to horn in on a fight I'm not even in, but I just wanted to say that's excellent, all-around advice. I'm going to try using these suggestions in my next song. If there were a vote for post of the week, this would get mine.
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Post by melvin »

14 entrants but only 4 reviewers? That's the worst record I've ever seen! So I'm going to review again, this time using TV and movie soudtrack suggestions:

Dublin Duck Dispensary: indieKids by Larry Clark

Johnny In The Corner: Fellatio Jones: Street Stories

Jordan Seavers: Oh Carolina!

LMNOP: Ruger, P.I.

Melvin: Springbreak 6

Pics Chat Brutel Teen Petite: How To Never Get Laid Volume IV

Ratt Poison: Hell: The Return of Hell

Riomondo: N/A

Ryan Rickenbach: Crossed Wires: A Romantic Comedy

Sissy Fist: The Fabulous Lives and Tragic Deaths of Kurt & Courtney

The Special Relatives: The Making of Deliverance

Thanks for the Frisbee: Scrubs The Movie

TMK: Carpet Burn Live in Yamagata
hi!
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