REVIEWS: Crude
After receiving an unexpected wave of responses to the last review (ranging from "Good work!" to "Fuck off and die!"), I just can't help but come back with more.
This time the target is Crude-- a song with only five entries, making my job a hell of a lot easier.
Before anybody starts bitching, let's make things a little more clear:
I don't care if your feelings are hurt.
If your music sucks, and I tell you that, and you make an effort to produce better music, we both win.
Moreover, Crates is not your friend.
Shit, would you people rather I lied to you?
Scoring System
Innovation, instrumentals, and vocals each count for up to ten points.
Code: Select all
1-4 : F
5-6 : D-
7-8 : D
9-10: D+
11-12: C-
13-14: C
15-17: C+
18-20: B-
20-22: B
23-24: B+
25-26: A-
27-28: A
29-30: A+
This is Flypaper's first time to SongFight, and they're the only ones in this fight to debut here. Like most artists releasing their first song to this amateur forum, they suck. Boys, I'm the only person who is going to give it to you straight... nothing about the track you submitted can be considered music. Here's a way to tell if you should submit a song: if the
band members wouldn't listen to it for pleasure,
other people probably wouldn't want to either. And I can't imagine you guys listen to this kind of shit while driving in your car or playing beer pong in the basement.
SCORE
Innovation: 0 / 10
This song is
really boring. You know how people use music to enhance things that are fun? Like how all action movies have really fast paced, exciting music just as Tom Cruise base jumps from a skyscraper onto a moving van? Well if they ever make a movie where Tim Allen plays a trout fisherman trying to catch the big one up in Lake Winnipesaukee, you'll definitely be hired for the soundtrack.
Instrumentals: 1 / 10
You get a point in Instrumentals because I actually recognized that you were playing instruments... I heard two guitars, a snare drum, and what was either some kind of brass instrument or the death throes of some diseased jungle animal. Unfortunately, the "orchestra" playing these instruments are all tragic victims of a Trisomy 21 chromosomatic malfunction-- so take this advice:
practice playing music before pretending you've written a song. Nobody wants to hear your garage band pass off their first rehearsal together as a performance.
Vocals: 1 / 10
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, sing your song like you
actually want to be there singing it! A novel idea, I know... but if you sound bored as fuck, guess what? We're all going to be bored as fuck listening to it.
TOTAL = 2 / 30 =
F
Kweep
This is Kweep's eighth song to SongFight, and
damned if I know why they haven't won any fights yet. Opening with a sternum-shattering progression of chords that scream
Get Off Your Ass and PARTY, they proceed to deliver a combination of solid harmony and old school rock.
The eighties are back, and they've met us in the modern age.
SCORE
Innovation: 8 / 10
Delicious. There's nothing like this on the radio today, and it makes me ashamed of my local radio stations.
Instrumentals: 9 / 10
Rock solid. Need I say more?
Vocals: 6 / 10
The harmonies are nothing short of true awesomeness- but speak up, guys! A good part of the vocals are unintelligible, and even when you're screaming, it doesn't pop out of the speakers at me. There's so much energy in this song that it's a crying shame not to deliver the heart of it- the words- with eardrum crushing conviction.
TOTAL = 23 / 30 =
B+
Phunt; Don't Tell
From what I gather, this artist represents a collaborative effort between "Phunt Your Friends" and another artist ("Don't Tell"?) -- this being the eighth such production under this artist name. Though Phunt has released a
ton of tracks, both alone and also in tandem with other artists, he has yet to score a single win. Yet listening to Phunt's music gives one the impression that winning isn't really what he's after in the first place.
As usual, Phunt brings along a short instrumental track to the match. A good part of this particular track is spent in near-silence, giving the impression that these guys have worked to pack a whole lot of nothing into a short 70 seconds.
SCORE
Innovation: 3 / 10
This sounds just like your last track-- both are better suited as background music to a video game, rather than something people would buy and play on the regular. Some real vocals (not just vague whisperings in the background) would go a long way.
Instrumentals: 3 / 10
It's like a little kid just got his first Casio keyboard for Christmas and is figuring out which of the ivories makes which sound effect. Actually, now that I think about it, you guys remind me of that episode of "Friends" where Ross unveils his "musical talent" at the coffee shop. Except his song had cool explosions and helicopter effects on it.
Vocals: 0 / 10
I'm not going to pretend that whatever was being said in the background was vocals. If I can't figure out what you're saying, it might as well be another instrument.
TOTAL = 6 / 30 =
D-
Popular Electronics
With their third fight ever, all in the last month, Pop Elect reminds the SongFight crowd that they're a force to be reckoned with. And unless my ears deceive me, that's Puce on the vocals! Fantastic.
The song opens with a bluesy, funky sound-- straight out of Sega's classic video game, "Toe Jam and Earl". Soon after comes the familiar harmonies and clever lyrics we remember from Piracy Undermines Creative Expression and Mostly Harmless. Another instant classic.
SCORE
Innovation: 9 / 10
The whole song is unique, and the vocals are interesting, but that's not where the innovation ends: one might go as far to say that this kind of music breaks into its own genre. The mixing of different musical elements, from the slap bass to the changes in vocal style, is just plain fresh.
Instrumentals: 10 / 10
Not only are these instrumentals well selected, meshed and post-produced... they're supremely well played. Hats off to you guys.
Vocals: 9 / 10
There's nothing left to be said. The vocals are strong, the music is fun; the whole song rocks.
TOTAL = 28 / 30 =
A
Screaming Poet
This is the second SongFight for Screaming Poet, who does anything but on this exceedingly quiet submission. Scarcely a minute and a half long, the song cuts off in mid-singing for reasons inexplicable. What we
do see of the music shows a combination familiar to this site of inspiration and inexperience. There's still a great deal of promise for Screaming Poet.
SCORE
Innovation: 4 / 10
It's not really all that fresh, but it's not all that bad either.
Instrumentals: 6 / 10
This is easily the strongest part of your music so far. Don't forget post-production! The music needs to be levelled and normalized so the vocals lay on
top of the instrumentals, not the other way around.
Vocals: 5 / 10
You aren't bad at singing, but a little more heart and a lot more volume would go a long way.
TOTAL = 15 / 30 =
C+
All in all, this was a fun fight to review. It's nice to see some solid music on Song Fight.
Until next time,
-- Crates
